Me, Myself & I

Starting a new Blog!

2010-04-02T15:44:00.000-02:00

The last year hasn't been the best for me but Spring is here and I'm ready to start my life over again.
I've started a new blog "Finding Lady Sue" and it will be mostly a weight loss blog http://ladysue50.blogspot.com/ ..but truthfully knowing me I'll probably end up just blogging everything...but for now...
I'm keeping this Blog because it's good for me to back and read over those years I was blogging and see where I was and how I handled things..besides it's fun!
I've been knocked down and gotten up so many times before why stop now...It's Forward I go into my Sixties...whooohooo! No more Sexy Sue..but we now have Lady Sue (if I can find her) and Sassy Sue!
See Ya All Around!

All is Good!

2009-03-04T00:41:00.003-02:00

I've been given another chance at keeping my job...I went in this morning and read my statement to the Transportation Supervisor, who then took my file (with my statement) to the head of Transportation and actually went to bat for me...And it was decided that I can keep my job....How nice is that...
I will have to do some time (on my own) at the driving range to improve my driving, but I don't have a problem with that..It can only help..
I'm happy!!!

I just want to get it over with!

2009-03-02T11:28:00.002-02:00

A snowstorm hit Atlanta yesterday..altho it was pretty and I enjoyed a day of doing nothing but playing on the computer and reading in front of the fire, I am ready to get this meeting over...
School was cancelled for the day and when I called my Supervisor she told me that our meeting with the Transportation Manger was also cancelled..it will have to be rescheduled..

To some this would seem a good thing but for me it just makes it harder...I'm so ready to get this over..just to find out if I still have a job or if I'm at the bottom of that black hole that is always waiting for me...I keep thinking How will I pull myself out this time? I've been there so many times in my life, and each time it gets harder & harder to pull myself out.
I feel the blackness coming over me today but will fight to stay in the light by trying to keep myself occupied...Can't really get out because the roads are pure ice this morning but maybe by this afternoon they will be better and I can go see my friend in the hospital...Now her story is even sadder than mine (I need to remind myself that there are people out there that have REAL problems)..she just had a baby and now they have found a spot on her brain..the doctors think it could possibly be an aneurysm or a brain tumor...so here she is a new mother and she is in the hospital while her newborn is at home with the Grandmother and aunt..How sad is that?..
Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes...

Bleak Times Again!

2009-03-01T09:55:00.005-02:00

The ups and downs of life are no fun...and right now I'm in a down spiral...It looks like I will be unemployed AGAIN..through no fault but my own.

I had another accident with the bus last week..although all minor, this does make 3 "preventable" accidents in the last year..the first was last March when I didn't set the air brake and rolled into the bus ahead of me in the line up at the school..there was no damage to either buses but I still had to report it...then in December I "supposedly" ran into another bus while parking at the shop to get my bus repaired..I say supposedly because although I knew I was close to the other bus (parking is tight at the shop) I did not think I hit it...but the mechanics said I did so it's on my record..there was slight damage to both buses...then this past week while pulling out of the school I hit another bus (parked on the side of the road) with my cross over mirror..it put a scratch on her bus and bent my mirror (which the mechanic straightened)...All the county allows is 3 accidents in a year and then you can be terminated.
I was given a chance to resign on Friday by my supervisor but chose NOT to. So now I will have a meeting with the Transportation Manager scheduled on Monday.
I've decided that I will read a statement rather than to try to talk off the top of my head, since I usually end up not saying what I want when I try to do that..I'm so much better at writing than I am of talking...

So far this is what I've come up with....
********
Rather than to resign, I’ve chosen to come here to plead with you to give me another chance at keeping my job.
I don’t want you to think that I take the reason why I’m here lightly, I don’t. I will not make excuses and tell you that it’s all a mistake. The facts are what they are. I have had 3 preventable accidents in the last 12 months, 2 of them in the last 3 month. And although they were minor and occurred without students on board, they still occurred. I can wish they didn’t happen but that doesn’t change the facts.
Since my meeting with Cathy on Friday morning, I’ve done considerable thinking about why I need & want this job.
I will be 59 years old next month and for the first time in my life I feel that I am working at something that I really want to do, enough that I don’t want to just walk away without a fight.
I’ve spent the past weekend looking at what is available to me out there in the job market, and feel that my future is bleak without this job. As we all know there isn’t much out there at this time. At my age and with the economy the way it is, all I can see for me at this time would to be collect unemployment, something I’ve never done. As I have no savings left or any other monies coming in since I’m a widow, I will not be able to live on that and I will lose everything I have. This scares me. I need this job.
But the monies are only a part of the reason why I’m asking for another chance. I not only need this job but I want it.
I don’t look at being a bus manager as just a job but feel that I am doing something worthwhile. I am being entrusted with people’s children to see that they are safely taken to and from school…I do take this trust seriously, as if these students were my own child or grandchildren and would never put them in jeopardy.. For the first time in my life I feel that I am serving a purpose.
I know that I am a good employee…I’m reliable. I show up to work on time every day. I’ve only missed one day of work since I’ve started to work for Gwinnett County Schools.
I try to have a good attitude because I really do enjoy the challenge of the job. I probably get too personally attached to the students on my routes, but I see each of them as individuals and try to treat them with the respect that is due to them.
I’ve taken on other responsibilities such as Community Skills and working with the Evacuation Team not just for the extra hours & monies but because I feel they are an important part of the job. They also serve a purpose.
So I am asking you to take a chance on me and I will give you my promise that I will be the most conscientious & careful driver you have. I will do whatever you deem is necessary for me to do to keep my position.
No matter what your decision is today, I thank you for taking the time today to listen to me.
************
Wish me luck & If anyone out there has any suggestions I welcome them..

Time slips away

2009-02-13T13:56:00.005-02:00

I really don't know where the times goes...I think of a lot of things to blog but then never seem to get here to actually do it...
I did start one about 25 random things about me..but I couldn't think of 25 things..so I saved it for one of those days when I'm witty and funny...

I've actually been busy..not just sitting around and watching TV..Been bowling with some great friends...we played 3 games and I actually bowled 127 on my last game...This is really good for me..When I was in the bowling league, years ago in Colorado, my average was 108...Not telling you what I bowled the first 2 games...let's just say it took me that long to warm up..LOL..

My French lessons are going great...On Sunday when we met at the French Bakery, "J" was there with her French Teacher . i was actually able to greet him and tell him my name in French..."J" was impressed...I've been practicing and I've been listening to my French tapes everyday...also been studying the lessons on About.com. French Language..It's really been a big help..As you can see I'm determined to do this...I may never go to France (unless I win the lottery) but I will know a 2nd language...besides it's Fun..I need all the fun I can get...

The part time job has been a challenge the last couple of weeks..I don't know if it was the full moon or not but people the last 2 weeks have really been rude and no one wanted to give donations...lots of hang ups and just plain rudeness... my new week started last night and it was much better..still not many donations but at least the people were nice about it..I guess it all depends on what neighborhood call list I get..Lots of hours for not much pay but it has its' good points too...I get to do it at home and as long as I complete the call list the hours are my own to make...I will keep positive...

I'm feeling so much better..I know as long as I stay away from the sugar and make sure I keep something in my stomach I don't cough much at all..In fact I feel so good that when I got home early yesterday, it was early release for the elementary & middle schools, that I actually did some work in my yard..I cut my Privets way back, in fact almost to the ground..I do this every few years because they get so weedy looking and they are in front of my house ..Cleaned out part of my gutters (the part that I could reach while standing on my rickety old wooden ladder) and even raked part of my yard...

The weeks ahead will be busy for me..I am going on a "group date" for Valentines Day tomorrow and then salsa dancing...My French lessons on Sunday...Then the next weekend is "Lil Bits" birthday...She will turn 6 this year...unreal that the years have gone by so fast..She got a new puppy for her birthday and I really need to get over and see it...Her Mom tells me she really wanted a pig for her birthday but seems happy with the puppy...She's very into Charlotte's Web..her favorite story.. not sure what to get her for her b'day because she has so much already..
I have a "sleep over" at my house to plan for my Thus friends. More on this one later..
Then I have a hike planned with my friend Bruce..who was my favorite trip leader with AOC..he's had some health problems this past year and has also gotten out of shape (like me)...I know there is a Family Dinner at Corey's and a "Boil" at Michelle & Sweets place..
Whew...for an old lady I do pretty good at keeping myself busy....

Tandem Skydive goes Horribly Wrong!

2009-02-03T00:25:00.003-02:00

...That's what the headlines say..it goes on to say that the instructor had a heart attack in mid air and 1st time jumper had to take over.....This happened this past Saturday in Columbia SC..just up the road from me..
Daniel Pharr (a 25 yr old who is stationed here at Ft Gordon GA) got a Christmas present from his girl...a free tandem skydive. The way the news story read all was going fine until after the jump...the instructor was even talking to the guy when all of a sudden it got quiet and Pharr looked at the instructor and knew something was wrong. So from watching TV he knew that he had to pull on the toggles to steer....anyway..he got them landed and tried to do CPR on the instructor but he died..but he landed safely without any injuries to himself.

So why does this catch my eye....Well for years I've wanted to Tandem Skydive...don't ask me why since I'm deathly afraid of heights...it's just something I want to do...I can just see me floating in the air with a guy strapped onto my back..hmmm...any ways...At my AOC Christmas party this year I won one of the raffle gifts..yep, you guessed it..1 FREE TANDEM SKYDIVE, which I plan on doing this spring...the group did it last year and loved it..I've been really excited about it..since I'll be going with this same group...
But now the question is....WHAT would I do if something happened to the instructor..(that guy strapped to my back)?...Would I panic? I truthfully don't know...I've talked to other people who have been injured (a broken ankle) while jumping but nothing serious so I haven't really worried about it..but now I will have this story in the back of my mind..which I don't think is good...But I am determined to go ahead and do it...

Birthdays

2009-01-31T15:30:00.003-02:00

Today is Larry's Birthday...he was never much on birthdays, especially his own...I was brought up that birthdays were a special day..a day you got your favorite food (a tradition I've carried on) and a party (if possible)...
I'm not sure how Lar came about his attitude about birthdays..I'm sure his parents celebrated them and maybe being a man it just wasn't that important to him (not like Christmas which was his favorite holiday)..but he did humor me, especially when it came to The Kids birthday...i think he enjoyed watching her grow up and change into the woman she is today...he loved kid's birthday parties (probably because he was a big kid himself) and would sit back and enjoy them...He was known to miss his own birthday party but never would miss being at one of "The Kid's" or #1 Niece's (if we were invited).
I remember Larry's first birthday we were together..I had planned a big Surprize party for him but I was the one that got the surprize since he went for drinks after work with one of his friends (who I hadn't invited because I didn't know him at that time) and got home late after pretty much everyone had gone home...Needless to say he was a little drunk..in fact needed help getting out of the car..thank god he hadn't drove...Now understand we had only been together for a few months and were still learning about each other...I seem to remember I was pretty upset but I did learn my lesson...NEVER try to Surprize Larry...
The other treasured memory that I remember about that night was that was the first time he proposed to me...I turned him down. (1) I didn't think he would remember in the morning. (2) I wasn't ready to get married again...I wanted to make sure that the relationship would last before taking that step again..We were together 10 years before we finally took that step and over that 10 years we did talk about getting married several times..the time just never seemed right..either he wanted to and I didn't or I wanted to and he didn't...it's funny now but it never seemed to make a difference in our relationship because we were Best Friends and neither one of us could imagine life without the other...We would talk about what it would be like if something happened to either one of us..especially Larry because of his disability...and we both knew that we Could carry on if something happened.. not that we didn't have some rough times in our relationship but in the end our love for each other always won..
I try to remember all that we did together, all the talks we had, the places we went together and the memories we made together. I miss him so much my heart aches, tears flow and I sometimes think I can't do this without him..There isn't a day that I don't think about him especially days like today (his b'day) but I know that he wouldn't want me to give into the melancholy that threatens..so I will get through this day too with my chin (or chins as it is) up and I will go out with my friends tonight and have fun. As always when I do anything I'll think to myself how much Larry would have enjoyed this and then enjoy it for the both of us..
Happy B'day Larry...I'll have a glass of wine for you tonight....I'll always love you and miss you more than words can say..

Taxes!

2009-01-31T03:25:00.007-02:00

I went to http://www.dor.ga.gov/inctax/efile/TSD_Free_Electronic_Filing_Program_2008.pdf
(which I found in my 1040EZ form I got in the mail) to check out doing my own taxes this year.
I picked Turbo Tax Online. It does all the work for you (all you do is enter the info that they tell you into the system) and Both Federal & State are free because I made less the 30K this past year...I entered all the info which only took me about an half hour...and now I'm undecided to trust it or not..according to Turbo Tax I am getting a refund back from Federal and from the State I get back a whole $2...this is doing an itemized return..When I did my own 1040EZ form it showed that I owed over $900 ...talk about scaring a person to death...there's no way I have $900 for ANYTHING right now..I can't owe..I can't owe..So I need to decided soon because if I am going to use the Turbo Tax I need to get it sent ASAP since I am totally Broke..Not in the red but if I pay ALL my bills this month I will be...and my truck insurance is due this month too...damn...

Today was payday and for some reason my check from work was $200 shorter than I expected...All of our overtime for the month comes on the end of the month check...and I was really depending on that money...I won't get any monies from the part time job for another week or so..not that it is gong to be much but something is better than nothing at this point..

I am really bad about letting things slide by..but I NEED to get my shit together and quit closing my eyes to everything...thinking if I don't look at it, maybe it won't be there..like my bills, if I don't open the envelope then I don't owe anything..NOT...it's all catching up to me NOW and I need to make some hard decisions...Or win the lottery, which doesn't seem to be happening...each day I don't do anything I get into more debt and more trouble...
It doesn't seem right that I work my ass off and still can't seem to get ahead..

I need to make a list of all the things I have around here that I need to sell, like the van, the freezer in the garage which I haven't used in over 4 years..the hospital bed and the hoyer lift, which I will never use...all these things just sit there and gather dust...I need to get them on Craig's list a least and see what I can do..my excuse is that I don't have a digital camera so can't take pictures to post...but at this point I just need to get it done...

Now I'm all awake because I'm freaked out about my finances and I know worrying about it won't make it go away or fix it..Where is my prince charming when I need him..or my fairy godmother...

WJZZ has Pulled the Plug

2009-01-30T00:20:00.006-02:00

The "smooth jazz" radio station that I listen to has changed to R&B and I am soooo upset by this...they also have pulled their sponsorship to the Jazz Concert at the Suwanee park that THus attends every first Friday of the month (April - October) . We get there early and set up a tent (with a chandelier) and stay until they kick us out of the park..the park has a really cool stage with great sound...They have had some great artist there and there isn't anything better than to sit outside at a park and listen to someone play on a sax....They also pulled their sponsorship of the Jazz Festival at Piedmont Park on Memorial Weekend...Thousands of people attend this one.... so any way my friend "J" is probably more upset than I am, in fact she sent them an email to find out what is going on...

A message from Tim Davies, Vice President/ General Manager WJZZ:
First, I would to take this opportunity to thank you for supporting Smooth Jazz 107.5 over the years. Whether you have been a loyal listener, a community organization we have helped or one of our valued advertisers, I wanted to give you a quick explanation why we no longer are airing the Jazz format. In business, you have to make decisions based on many factors. In our case, there is a new audience measurement system and unfortunately, there are just not enough listeners who want to listen to a station like ours….and when you do not have the listeners, you lose advertiser support. When you combine the two, as in this case, it no longer is a viable business.
If you would like to contact me, you can leave a voice message by calling 404-832--7202 or write attention:
Tim DaviesRadio OneAtlanta 101 Marietta Street 12th floor Atlanta, Georgia 30303
Again, thank for your support over the years.

This is NOT good.....I hate changes...just when I find a station I really like they go and change it on me.......

The aches & pains!

2009-01-28T14:01:00.003-02:00

When I went to the gym Monday night my r'ball partner didn't show so I worked out my legs for the first time in 3 months...and when I woke up yesterday and wasn't sore I thought that maybe I took it too easy on myself....BUT when I woke up this morning and went to get out of bed...OMG...I almost fell on my face..(it didn't help that I was late and the sheet was wrapped around my legs) ...every muscle in my legs were SCREAMING at me...especially those muscles in my inner thighs...the only time I want to feel those muscles Is when I've had GOOD SEX..
I'm playing r'ball tonight and hopefully my muscles will loosen up by then...if my partner doesn't show up again then I think I'll just do some cardio...on what ever machine is available (except the stair monster which I know I'm not ready for yet..it kicks my butt every time).

Last night I broke every rule I've made for myself as far as my foods goes...I ate late, just before going to bed, and I had some Sugar...which I know gives me heartburn big time....So anyway I wake up around 3 am choking on acid in my throat...got up and threw up, peeing on myself because I didn't have time to go to the bathroom and I have no bladder control anymore...So after I cleaned myself up and ate a couple of tums (to get rid of that acidity taste in my mouth) ...I gave myself the biggest Lecture...I HAVE TO LISTEN TO MY BODY or it will punish me...
So believe me the next time I'm feeling good and EE TELLS ME that a little sugar won't hurt me...I'M NOT LISTENING.....I know better and I'm not falling for that again...
I do have to admit that it does help me stay away from foods that I know I don't need..because it's not just that it will make me gain weight (or hinder my losing weight) it's that my body doesn't react well to most foods that people eat ...I know if I eat RED MEAT I will get gas & diarrhea, if I do milk products I will get congested, if I eat sugar I will get Heartburn....so it's Fresh Veggies & Fruit for me...
Yesterday I put MY Weight Struggles on my page...it's hard to realize that I had reached my goal of 169 lbs and then fell back into bad eating habits which made me not only gain weight but gave me medical problems..You would think I would Learn by now...
I'm setting myself more weight goals....I want to weigh 180 by my B'day in April and by the end of the summer I want to be down to 170...My ultimate weight goal in life is still 159...I believe I can do it with a lot of hard work...

My W-2 came in the mail today

2009-01-27T14:22:00.002-02:00

and I wonder how I made it through the last year...altho I did make $4K more than I did in 2007..which isn't saying much...I'm living in (what I considered years ago) poverty.
Then I stop and think about all the people who are being laid off and don't have a job..I think to myself AT least I have a Job..and if I don't screw it up, I don't really have to worry about losing this job because of cut backs...people will keep having kids and Kids need to get an education..The county is opening 12 new schools this year...
So maybe I'm living on 1/3 of what Lar and I earned and lived on before he got sick back in 2000. At least I have a job, my own home with house payments that is lower than if I had to rent a place, my pink truck which is paid off (keeping my fingers crossed it hangs in there for at least one more year)..and my health (at least I'm not bedridden).
And now I can get my tax's done so I can at least maybe get caught up on the bills I've let slide this last couple of months with the small refund I get back...Who knows if I really bust my ass this year maybe next year I will be able to use the monies from my tax returns to go on that vacation (I'm dreaming about France)...

Wouldn't you know it

2009-01-26T14:20:00.004-02:00

I finally figure out something that helps me in the morning with my coughing...I need to have something in my stomach not long after I get out of bed...I hate eating first thing so I usually wait till I've been up a couple of hours at least..So lately I've been eating a half apple on my way to the bus or in case of the weekend right after I get up..and it seems to be helping...Now I see that the price of Apples has gone sky high because of the drought in California...It never fails..I think I must have jixned the apple industry..as soon as I start eating them they go crazy with the price...I mean really $6 lb is more like a luxury..I can't eat oranges because of the acidity and banana's have been causing me problems too...so apples seemed to give me roughage and also helped the dryness in my mouth..Now what am I suppose to do...what I eat is very limited due to my weight and health...hmmmm...
Par Contre, my French lessons are going great...I am having soooo much fun with it..My friend "J" and I met at a French Bakery yesterday and one of the chef's there was from Haiti ("J"s parents are from there also) and he speaks French fluently so we got to practice on him..Of course "J" is sooo much better than me because she has been learning and speaking French for a few months now (and belongs to a French Club.Oh La La)..She has even been to France..The rest of the gang bailed out on us but that just gives me a week to get ahead of them all...Most have been studying for awhile but J" says I'm ahead of them already because I'm so determined...A few years ago I was able to get my hands on the Berlitz French Self Teaching Course which includes 12 tapes and books... I tried it on my own but got discouraged and gave up on it...now both "J" and I are using them in combination of learning with the group and using her books from when she took a French Course through the county schools..I figure I can use all the help I can get...Anyway...In the Toliette (bathroom in French) at the restaurant there was this sign in French so I copied it down and "J" and I were trying to translate it...it Read...

En Vente ici
Pains d'Epices
Lapierrre
Le Moilleue au miel pur d'Abeeilles

"J" translated the second line as spiced bread...she is reading the second chapter of her book today and lo and behold "pains d'Epices" is there and it means Gingerbread...how cool is that...I know I get excited about the weirdest things..but it is fun....And I found my "K" spot....just in case you didn't know this is the spot in the back of your throat where the sound comes from when you say K...this is important for speaking French because this is where the rolling of the R comes from...I've been having problems with this but now I'm practicing rolling my r's ...it's harder than it sounds...I know people must be looking at me like I'm crazy because I go around speaking or trying to speak French and practicing rolling those r's which sounds pretty strange when I do it...
It looks like I might be able to get back to hiking soon...not necessarily with the AOC group but with one of the leaders..about a year ago he developed some health problems and had to stop hiking/backpacking...he was my favorite leader because we always saw a least one waterfall on the hike and he's close to my age..so I always knew I could pretty much keep up...I saw him for the first time in a long time at the AOC Christmas party and he told me he wasn't doing much hiking because he has to go so slow...anyway long story short...we exchanged emails this past weekend and have decided that we would try to get together and do some local hikes since we both are having breathing problems but want to get back into it..I'm excited about that because I really do love being outdoors hiking in the woods and mountains..Now if it would only warm up...for some reason the Cold is really bothering me this winter..usually I just bundle up in many layers and go for it..part of the problem is I don't fit in most of my clothes because of the weight gain and I refuse to spend money (even if I did have it) on new ones when I'm determined to get back into all the clothes I already have for hiking...
Wish me luck..I'm going to try to play racquetball again tonight...I stayed away from it last week because I just could seem to catch my breath and was working on the AKS (American Kidney Service) calls...I'm pretty much caught up on those for today...and there really isn't any excuse why not to get to the gym...still undecided about whether to keep the membership or not..until I do make a decision I need to get my monies worth from it...for now
Bonjour

Yay, It's Saturday

2009-01-24T16:30:00.009-02:00

I don't have anything planned for today except to clean up the house a little which is a never ending job. My question is how can a place get so messy when there's only me here??? I swear everywhere I look I see used Kleenex's and it seems like I'm always picking them up and putting them in the trash..at least my dishes are in the dishwasher and ready to run when it gets full (which takes about a week)...I can't wait to feel better and to get my breathing under control again so I can paint my guest bathroom..I cleaned it this morning and I really hate how dirty the walls seem..it's been over 15 years since I've painted in there and it really needs it..I wish I could afford to upgrade the sink and lighting..I do have my dreams (although I've decided putting a bookcase where the bathtub is won't work..lol)..but need to just hold onto them and wait till I catch up on some bills ......
I'm done with my Saturday morning calls for the American Kidney Services..I swear This week's call list was 4 pages of #s of Old Old Old People and believe it or not I loved talking to them..One lady had just lost her oldest daughter to cancer this past week and was apologizing to me because she wasn't up to getting anything together at this time to donate..Then there was the older gentleman who just lost his wife the day before..he too apologized that he didn't have anything this time but said to call him back the next time we were in his area...he was so nice.
I have so far (I still have 3 more days to call back the one's I couldn't reach) 40 definite yes for donations and 20 maybes (which is funny because it's like these old people don't want to say No and hurt my feelings, last week I had a total of 4 maybe's) I will call ALL of them back the Tues before just to confirm and hopefully some of the maybes will turn into Yes's (although it would surprise me)...My first week of calls I had 42 Confirmed pickups scheduled and the drivers actually picked up 38 which is an 88% pickup rate...and that's what I get paid on is how many of the confirmed pick up actually get picked up..I figured that at this rate I'm being paid $6 an hour. I guess that's not too bad for part time work done at home and my own leisure..but I'm sure not going to get rich this way...I'm still playing the lottery...it's my only hope of really getting rich since I have no rich relatives waiting to die...at least the monies from this job will help out. Even if it's only a little, I'm still ahead of where I would be if I don't do anything..I can tell you this..it's a lot less stress than driving a School Bus...Whew!!
I've been thinking about cancelling my membership with the gym. It's $40 a month that I could put toward my other bills and truthfully I haven't been using it enough to justify keeping it..I know I keep saying I'll get back into it but I've mainly been keeping it so I can play racquetball which I love and there isn't anywhere else I can play but I've only been averaging 1 day a week..that's $10 each time I play..that's pretty expensive for 1 hour ...I can work out at home and also get back into running at the park (which I really loved) for cardio so I don't really need. I'm also trying to start up a fitness group with Thus Fit...not sure how to juggle all I want to do with the time I've got..still looking at my options.
Just Mainly trying to get my life back to Normal (what ever that is), health wise at least..
It seems like , with my health , it's like being pregnant.... in the morning I have so much trouble breathing and am all congested and then after 1 pm I'm feeling better, not so much trouble breathing and only have to blow my nose every once in awhile..I just want to get back to feeling good again...I've been real careful with my diet...no processed sugar. But for last night when I got the biggest urge for pizza..so I got a DiGiorno Spinach Mushroom frozen pizza and had 2 slices (wrapped the rest for later in the week). I should have stuck to only one but it tasted sooooo goood...it did make me a little sick last night..my stomach cramped up and I got some heartburn..but it didn't make me cough...I figure it was the tomato sauce on the pizza but I could not find a frozen pizza at the store that didn't have a tomato sauce...I used to buy Amy's Roasted Veggie pizza (which had tomato's but no sauce on it) but Wally World (where I do most of my food shopping) doesn't carry it...they do carry some of Amy's other dishes but not the pizza's..Now I'm afraid to try to eat any more of the pizza I have but I don't want to waste it...so it's a dilemma for me..for now it'll stay in the freezer so when I can't stand the urge any more I can microwave me 1 slice...
Oh yeah...let me tell you what I won't ever fix again...this morning I didn't have enough dried cranberries for my oatmeal so I added some frozen blueberries to my water...which changed the color to a pretty red and when I added the oatmeal to it...it still didn't look bad...but then I added my whipped egg white and all of a sudden the mixture turned a horrible PURPLE color...it reminded me of this horrible mixture that my older sister used to make that she called Goulash..
As for taste..after I added my honey and I closed my eyes while eating it..it actually didn't taste too bad...but I'm telling you it was Slimy & UGLY Looking.....so much for experimenting with what I do have..I love my oatmeal in the morning and have been trying to think of things I can add to it and get my fruit in for the day...dried apples work good if I add some cinnamon...and have been thinking bout trying the dried mixed fruit..but after this morning now I'm afraid...but never say die is my motto for today..
Need to go make some flash cards for my French lessons so I can be ready for tomorrow when the group meets at the French Bakery. Talk about temptation..but I all ready know that I can't eat anything there. Will just have some tea.
'A la prochaine Mon Amies

A Week passed by

2009-01-20T13:52:00.003-02:00

and there was many a day I thought to come here and blog some of my thoughts but EE & MM won out the day instead. I've been struggling with my health but feel much better today so no excuses and no listening to EE & MM that I've let it go this long that another day won't hurt...Nope I'm here to recap whats been going on with me.

I did go to the gym last Weds to play racquetball but had so much trouble breathing that I didn't play to well..that's the only time I've been to the gym in 2 weeks..still trying to figure a way to get both the gym and my part time job in the evening balanced...I was hoping to get my problem with my health under control by now so I could start going to the gym to get some weight training in between my morning routes and afternoon routes when I have a 3 hr break but I'm just not up to it yet physically...and maybe some mentally..I seem to need a nap everyday...

I don't know if the part time job is really paying off yet since I'm only on my 2nd week but It's not too hard, just time consuming but at least I'm at home and can take a break anytime I want...Saturday morning I was having alot of problems with congestion and not being able to catch my breath, so I only called a few people and then took a break from it until that night..
For some strange reason first thing in the morning (the first hour) and late afternoons/evenings I have no problem...I'm still a little congested in the head and coughing a bit but not out of control like in the morning. I actually feel good just get tired of not being able to catch my breath and coughing all mornign so I am making most of my plans around that...All I really know is I'm going through a lot of Kleenex...yech...
In the afternoon I went to our group's (THUS which stands for The Usual Suspects, we're a group of friends that is interested in mostly jazz, wine, staying in shape and just having fun) favorite little cafe to meet with the planning committee to plan our 2009 calendar. Not sure how I got on the planning committee but it is always fun to meet with the group for any reason..We mainly sit around on the couch's drink bunches of Coffee and Tea and discuss what events we want to do in the next year. They have the internet hookup so we can go on line to check out venue's and check with other members to see if they want to host any events...It's a blast...for this month we are planning a Bowling Party...Feb a few of us singles will go to a nice restaurant and treat ourselves with a nice evening out. We have a lot of fun together...

After I got home that evening I finished my calls for the day. Then I spoke with my friend "DJ" who told me that HBO was televising the Presidential Inauguration Celebration Party in DC at 11:30 for ALL to watch...so I told her that I would probably be in bed by then but would turn that TV on to watch some of it...Well, let me tell you IT was so Great that there was no way I could go to sleep on it..I found myself clapping and singing along with some of the stars there in my bed. After it was over I was so wound up that I could go to sleep right away...I know that would have been a good time to come here and blog but truthfully I didn't want to get out of my nice warm bed so I just watched more TV until about 4 am...

Sunday I again decided to forgo the telemarketing calls so I could go to a friends house (one of my ThUS buddies) where a group is learning French...Actually the Amie (that's French for Friend) who is teaching us is from Africa (Synagogal not sure if that is spelled right) and is working on her English. She has been in the States for 3 years and I think she does great with her English but she wants to improve it so she is teaching us French and we are helping her with her English...This is another one of those things that I've always wanted to do..to learn another language and to be able to use it...Back about 4 years I actually tried learning from some tapes but got discouraged and gave it up...In fact I still have the tapes...my friend "J" who is our world traveler is checking them out and I think after I learn the basics (this week my home work is learning the alphabet, numbers and one sentence. I picked Je m'appelle Sue et c'est mon amie, "J'....) I will try the tapes out again..I'm excited about this because I think I will actually be able to use it...who knows maybe after this I'll learn Spanish....and when I win the Lottery I can become a world traveler also (notice I said When not If...more positive thinking..)
I had yesterday off from work and went and got my hair cut pretty short...not the best hair cut I've ever had but it'll grow out and for the monies I spent it's not too bad..again it helps to have a friend that is a beautician and she's been doing my hair for 5 years....

so it's back to work today and the Kids we're pretty good but I noticed that there were alot that didn't ride today...I wonder if their parents didn't let them stay home to watch the Inauguration...I know that I have it on and am listening to all the comments now...after all it is History in the making..I'm so excited about the Change and Pray for the safety of the new President and his family.

I'm sure there is more that I meant to write about but for now I think I'll call it a day and go watch the what I can of the Inauguration before I have to go back to work....More later....

Busy Weekend

2009-01-11T23:29:00.003-02:00

Yesterday morning I got up and hit the phones, making lots of calls for my part time job...more on this one at a later date...after I figure out if it's going to be worth my time and effort...it's not a hard job and I guess it has a lot of good points...but the one that mostly interests me now is if I can make any extra monies off from it....I won't know unless I try and see where I go with it...

After I was done with that I ate my oatmeal and then dyed my hair....yep, it's a Deep Burgundy...maybe a little too red. but I like it..then I went over to my friend DJ's and we played on her Wii Fit (I really suck at the hoola hoop..and don't even want to talk about soccer..what's with them throwing shoes at me....yikes) until it was time to go over to anther's friends place for dinner and to check out his new condo...(I did have a couple of glasses of wine...it's hard to pass up a good Riesling). There was a guy there from Germany who is living in Florida but came to visit and He said that he thought I was in my early 40's...whoooo hooo talk about making a girl feel good (and no he wasn't hitting on me..he was there with a date, another guy) I thought by going with DJ I would get home earlier since she normally leaves early and I usually don't leave until the wee hours of the morning...well, so much for that...we left at about 4 am and I got home around 5 am this morning....did my dishes, since I wasn't tired and then laid down in bed and slept until around 10 am....
I went to the grocery store where I again shopped healthy and stayed within my budget..didn't buy anything special just pretty much the same as last week just less. At 4 pm I hit the phones again for a couple of hours...one thing I do like about this pt job is that I'm my own boss and I can put in as many hours as I want since it is all commission..and it is to my own benefit at this time to get as many calls completed as I can...but after 4 hours I was tired of doing this (8 hrs for the weekend) so I'm calling it a night for now...besides that it seems that most people are at church or aren't very charitable, I had several people hang up on me and one person get down right nasty...I didn't take it personal tho...just kept dialing numbers...
Not sure how I'm going to exercise (at the gym at least) this week...I have a staff meeting tomorrow (which I had to make an Italian dish for...I settled for a pasta/veggie dish with Italian spices..if nothing else I will have dinner for the next week) during my mid day break and I really need to finish these calls (all the ones I couldn't get hold of today) since I'm only half way to my goal, tomorrow night..so I guess that means no racquetball....But one of my goals this year is to learn to deal with the all the little unplanned things that happen in my life...and how to get fit and healthy even though life goes on....

Life is about to take another turn!

2009-01-09T00:49:00.005-02:00

I heard from the American Kidney Services and started working on the call list tonight..And I'm not sure I'm really ready for this...EE & MM are both having fits...

FACT ....I need monies to pay off my credit cards and driving bus just doesn't pay enough so I KNOW I need a part time job.

The customer service job from home seems like a good deal. The work is a no brainer. There is no sales involved, no traveling and no boss looking over my shoulder all the time....It's calling from home and it will take 3 nights of my free time and my Saturday morning . It's definitely something I can do. The thing is I've been crunching the #'s and I'm not sure that it's going to be worth my time (EE & MM talking)....It is Commission (and that's how I got in this mess with the credit cards in the first place, working at the gym on commission only) At the worst I figure I'll be earning about $5/hr . Supposedly the potential is there to make more (that's always the story with commission)....and after taxes who knows what I will end up. I really haven't checked into any other part time jobs so I don't know what the pay is out there for the kind of work that I would qualify for...I figure it's not much more. I do know if I don't do SOMETHING I won't make even that....unless I win the lottery...and so far I haven't had any luck on that one...
So I'm committed to do a least this call list which is 10 pages long (around 700#s) out of which I need at least 35 hits...Tonight I spent 45 mins calling around 30 # and got 3 hits..I figure 10 more hours and I might make it....I will come home tomorrow night and hit it hard then call on Sat morning...that should give me an idea how this job is going to go...

Oh yeah, I didn't go to the gym tonight (I listened to MM & EE) thinking I would go tomorrow night and get a good leg work out but now I know that's not going to happen...I came home to work on the seating chart for my Elementary School and then I got the call from my new supervisor and we had to spend time on the phone going over the ins & outs of the call list so I missed eating dinner until after I got done with the calls (after 9 pm) and I let myself get really hungry
and as always when I'm faced with changes I go to the kitchen and eat everything I can find...so there goes that out the window tonight...now I'm busy coughing and I know I'm not going to be able to sleep because of all the things going around in my head....Coming here seems to help a little though so who knows.....Thank God tomorrow is Friday...And I WILL get back on track with my eating...I have to My Health won't let me do anything else....

Another day

2009-01-08T14:15:00.003-02:00

All day yesterday I had some problems with the congestion and coughing up alot of mucus...I was wearing my tight jeans and didn't take the Musinex...Every time I moved it caused me trouble...so today I'm wearing loose clothing (I look like Sh*t but feel more comfortable) and took the Musinex and haven't had hardly any problem with coughing once I cleared out all the junk this morning....I feel pretty good...the thing is I've never felt sick just had this nagging cough and alot of congestion in my chest...My head is congested (not sure if it's from the GERD or if I actually have a cold) so I took some Comtrex this morning...I'm determined to beat this thing and get back to being healthy...
At work this morning I got my own Bus back (it was in the shop for it's annual checkup)....whoooohoooo...I hated that spare bus..going up hills I felt that I needed to get out and push the thing...even the kids noticed what a pig it was...the county uses the older buses for spares and I swear they are the worst in the lot...everyone hates getting a spare bus...
also I sat so low in the thing that other drivers said they couldn't see me...in my Bus I sit way up high due to the seat being on a pedestal type thing..I feel like a Queen and I can see the whole bus in the mirror so much easier...it's amazing how little things like that can make a difference in how your day goes....So I'm thinking about going back to work this afternoon wearing a crown...teehehehehehhe....I know my kids will be glad I've got my bus back..they ask me everyday about it....I now have to get serious about changing the seating for my elementary school...I have some good kids that need moved to the back and some other kids who need to be moved to the front..sounds easy? Well, it's not. I have 67 kids on this route and
it entails a lot of work. I've been putting it off for a while..but I do believe in rewarding the good so i guess I'll work a little on it today and hopefully by the first part of next week I can get them all moved. that in itself is fun....The job of a bus manager is never done....LOL..
Still on track with the food..absolutely no processed sugar or flour all week..not that I don't think about it... I feel lighter and hopefully when I weigh myself next I will have actually lost some more pounds...I weighed on Monday but am thinking about moving the weigh in day to Saturday..that way if I haven't lost any weight it won't ruin my whole week just my weekend :(

How I love the gym!

2009-01-08T00:23:00.004-02:00

For the past two years it's been hit or miss with me going to the gym except to play racquetball and even that has had it's down times...mostly I make excuses not to go...it's been so bad that a few times I drove to the gym and sat in my truck and read, then left without going inside....Then I'll have spurts where I go for a couple of weeks, work out half heartily (telling myself that I'm giving it my all) and then come home and vegetate...I think I got burned out on the gym when I worked there...at least that is what I tell myself...but the truth is the gym I go to isn't the one I worked at so I really can't use that as an excuse...
I almost had myself talked out of going last night..I started to listen to Moanin' Mona (MM) about how tired I was and to Evil Eva (EE) about how it's too far to drive and I would get home too late...and I would miss dinner....but since I had my bag already packed and in the truck and I also had the rest of the apple and cabbage from my earlier snack I decided to find out JUST how far it really was to the gym from where I park my truck and how long it would take me to get there...it took me 25 mins and it was 12 miles (remember this is during the rush hour) although it's further for me to drive home it still is not as bad as EE made it sound..
So I get to the gym, do my stretching, talk to another lady there who is stretching, she shows me another stretch for the hamstring that I hadn't tried before. Then I got on the treadmill and walked 1.5 miles for 25 mins...there was this nice guy running next to me and we talked for a while..he wanted to know where I've been...he said that he used to see me there ALL the time and then I stopped coming...told me people noticed...Whoooooo Scary... I also ran into a couple of friends that I haven't seen for a long time...I love gym rats...I want to be that gym rat again...teehehehhe...anyway I worked up a good sweat on the treadmill...it's hard starting over but I know I have to start...hopefully it won't take long to get back to where I was two years ago when I could run 3 miles in 30 mins...my breathing gave me some problems but nothing I couldn't get past..and I didn't cough at all until I got off the treadmill....then I did some bi's, tri's and chest weights...again met a couple of people that I use to see all the time....I was home by 8 pm....fixed me a spinach salad with one of the boiled eggs and a veggie burger with a slice of melted veggie Swiss on it.. which satisfied me...the I sat and watched the New Biggest Loser...these people make me look like a stick and they lost boo cooo weight in 1 week...I always did say that that show was SO unrealistic....I mean who could work that hard in the gym the first day for 6 hrs and still be able to move the next day...there's something wrong with this picture..I mean I think it's great that they lose weight and all but it kinda discourages me thinking that here I am with 50 lbs to lose which I figure will take me months to lose and they lose 30 lbs in one week (of course the guys that lost that weighed over 400 lbs).
I also went to the gym tonight to play racquetball, the other night I could only play 2 games, it was 3 tonight...As I was leaving ran into girlfriend that used to work out with (we also partied together a couple of times) so I had to catch up on all her new...she's now working out at the gym that I used to work at which is closer to home for her but is thinking about coming back to this gym because she misses all the old gang...It's great to have a support group....My arms are a little sore from last night but nothing that I can't live with...The plan is to go back tomorrow night and do legs and back...
Came home and fixed a light supper of noodles/sausage/onion/squash/zucchini/spinach with a splash of balsamic vinegar...it was delicious and I only fixed enough for one bowl so no left overs to tempt me...
I'm feeling pretty good about myself and am making some plans for how I want to go forward to making goals and reaching them...

Day Three

2009-01-06T13:06:00.007-02:00

I'm not feeling as bright & perky today...in fact I feel like I could use a nap (might not be a bad idea)...4:30 came way to early this morning...
I went to the gym last night and played two games of racquetball and I didn't even have a major coughing fit...was out of breath (I believe I'm on the mend) and I sweated up a storm since my partner had me all over the court...It was fun...I've missed playing so much...I may not be the best player but I keep trying and I have fun playing...to me that's what matters...not that I win but that I play my best...

I've been thinking about my diet and realize that I haven't been getting enough protein, mostly been eating carbs and I know I need to balance these two things. I used to do a protein drink every morning but it was to costly so I need to find another way to get enough protein in my meals...Last night after coming home from the gym I grilled a Tialipia fillet on my GFG (George Forman Grill) and steamed a handful of Green beans (it was great). This morning I'm having my oatmeal with dried cranberries (no milk) and I added a beaten egg white to it...it's not too bad. I think I will boil up some eggs for snacking. I also have my tofu waiting for me to do something with it...maybe for dinner I'll have some with the veggies I bought...Opps... I need to quit thinking of food all the time.

I've also been thinking how I can keep up the momentum after 2 weeks...which seems to be my limit to keep doing anything lately...I always start out gung ho but then I let things start to slide back to where I was...and I really don't want to do that this time...maybe if I keep coming back here to read what I wrote it will make it easier and give me that motivation I need...
I know I need to make goals and write them down but they are the same goals I've had for the past 2 years and it seems like repetition for me to write them down here...maybe later..
For now I think I'll go take a nap and boil those eggs....

Do I see a light at the end of the tunnel?

2009-01-05T14:38:00.009-02:00

First day back to work from the Winter Break...all went pretty good..was worried about coughing a lot but it wasn't too bad...Had to take my bus in for service and they gave me a spare bus which isn't a good thing because all of the spare buses are really in bad shape...talk about no pick up or speed...oh well, hopefully it will only be a couple of day then I can get my own bus back...more on this at a later date.

I'm mentally & physically feeling so good today..when I got up this morning I decided to weigh myself..when I was at the doctors last Monday I weighed in at 207.5...I was hoping that I was at least down past 205...imagine my surprise when I weighed in at 199...whoooohooo...I am going to say GOOD BYE to the 200's and I never want to see them again....I think it's due to the way I've been eating the last few days...Oatmeal w dried cranberries for breakfast and lunch (I make 1 cup and then split it for both meals) it seems to be satisfying me...my stomach seems to be tolerating the oatmeal...I've tried to eat small whenever I do eat anything and to wait at least 2 hours between eating anything...and NOTHING for 2-3hours before going to bed...Imagine what I would weigh if I had been exercising at the same time....altho I'm still having trouble catching my breath when I move around, I am going to the gym tonight (got my gym bag and snack in the truck already) and try to play racquetball...I have really missed it...
As for the part time job search...got an email from AKS with an application so I read everything and filled out the application last night...This past weekend #1 Niece came over and set up the printer/fax machine she had given months ago (but I procrastinated hooking it up because I didn't want to admit to her that I needed help doing it) and so today I faxed the application to the AKS...keep your fingers crossed...after reading everything they sent me it looks doable....I will have to keep EE & MM under control because they do so hate having to do anything and have been trying to tell me all kinds of junk...like how much I hate talking on the phone (which I do but it's better than going to work at a fast food place and it's only for a couple of hours in the evenings and on the weekends). I know I can do this...
I've gotten myself into some trouble with credit cards over the past couple of years and I really need to get them paid off...the late charges and interest are killing me..so WHEN I get the extra monies from the part time job it will all go toward that.. I know it's going to take awhile but if I don't stop putting off what I Know I need to do then it will only get worse...I still need to get a summer job and The Kid and I are working on a plan for that..
So do I see a light at the end of the tunnel? It's only a dot right now but I know if I keep moving forward it will get bigger....

Shopping for Healthy foods on a budget

2009-01-04T22:40:00.011-02:00

I've been gripping for over a year how it's too expensive to try to eat healthy. That to eat on my budget which is $35 a week for food I had to buy things I know aren't good for me...like cheap pizza that cause me heartburn, pretzels to snack on, bread, peanut butter & jelly....these are just a few things that I know are causing me problems but keep on eating them because I was convinced that's all I could afford....so tonight I took that $35 and I decided to see just what I could get for it at WalMart...I think I did pretty good...
MY LIST

a bag of baby spinach
1 bag ea of frozen peas, green beans and mixed vegetables (they didn't have the broccoli that I wanted) for soups
1 pkg of turkey smoked sausage (to add to my soups)
1 bag of 4 Frozen Tilapia Fillets
1 serving frozen Stouffers Veggie Lasagna (this is a treat for me when my stomach is better)
1 pkg (4 patties) Morning Star Veggie Garden Burgers (I use to love these things)
1 pkg veggie Swiss slices
1 pkg tofu
1 pkg Wasu Multigrain Crispbreads
1 pkg of Whole Wheat Noodles
1 pkg of dried cranberries (for my oatmeal in the morning)
2 cans of chicken broth (for that soup)
1 head of cabbage (great for soups, snacks, etc)
3 Avocados (I couldn't help it they were on sale and spread on a crispbread it makes a great snack)
3 Gala Apples (these cut up with some raw cabbage will work great for a snack before I go to the gym since I don't like to eat before working out but need something)
1 Zucchini squash (love to snack raw)
1 yellow Squash (snack again)
1 doz eggs (which put me over the $35 but I have this thing about eggs and I only had a couple left at the house)

All this came to an even $37 plus tax...not bad if you ask me...Call it guilt but I haven't looked forward to eating anything in a long time...but my mouth is actally salivating tonight. Looking back at my old blogs I see that I really enjoyed eating healthy..sure there's a lot I can't afford to buy that I used to but I think there is still lots of things I can do with what I do have in my cupboards and what I bought tonight to feed me healthy for at least (if not more) than a week...I was worried that I wouldn't have anything to snack on but I see I have all kinds of things here..
Back to my eating small meals (snack included) 5 times a day. The idea is not to let my stomach get empty or too full. I know it can be done because I did it for 3 years....
Feels good to be back.

Motivation for today

2009-01-03T16:25:00.022-02:00

A quote from my Sparks Motivation email I receive everyday!
"Who is standing in your way?
Imagine someone regularly tying small weights around your ankles as you try to climb a mountain. Doesn't sound fair, does it?
But that's exactly what you can do to yourself, a little bit at a time, if you don't watch out. When you think of who and what is standing in the way of your dreams, it's easy to forget your own responsibility.
Even the best of us can be guilty of unknowingly hurting our own progress. Procrastination, lateness, being disorganized, pessimism, not being honest with yourself, severe self-criticism, downplaying achievements, focusing only on weaknesses while ignoring strengths, keeping goals a secret, demanding perfection, giving up after a small setback--these are all ways you can make it tough to be (and do) your best.
Smart systems, the right attitude, and a promise to keep going no matter what will make a world of difference. "

Yesterday as I was cleaning (deleting without reading) up my many emails I decided to actually look at some of the ones from a group an Internet friend suggested (Sparks People) and I joined in one of my positive moments in the past year that I was hoping to give me motivation (I let EE & MM convince me that it wasn't exactly what I was looking for but I kept it any just in case I needed it someday). I get about 3-4 motivational emails a day from them and I've been just deleting most of them without reading except the recipes for several reasons (MM & EE at work again telling me that they were a waste of time because I already know it all and did not pertain to me)...this is the same group that I found the GERD info on...so I decided to actually take the time to read a couple before I deleted them and found this one, it seemed to be written just for me ..

And as I read this I realize that I've been letting EE & MM add small weights to my ankles until I can hardly walk...and even though I've tried to kick one off for awhile I stand by and let them put it back on.
Each of the following are weights that I am going to kick off one at a time and work at keeping off from now on...I know it will be work. I've let EE & MM have their ways for way too long and I know that the "Sexy" part of me is stronger (when I let her) and that she (or I) can overcome all of actions that I have let control me for the past year.
Procrastination, I can't tell you how many times I have had opportunities to do things but have procrastinated until it was too late...even as recently as this past week with the ad for the part time job...this isn't a first time.
Being disorganized..if you could see my office and the garage you would know that this is so very true...I remember when I was very organized and felt in control...but I've been listening to MM & EE that it's too much work to change things...takes too much time and it's fine the way it is....
Pessimism. I've always said I was not a pessimist but I see now that is exactly what I've been lately...not trying because only bad things happen to me...get real ...I have so many good things in my life but the pessimism has been keeping me from seeing them.
Not being honest with yourself. this is has always been a problem for me..it's amazing how much I will listen and believe all the lies my inner selves will tell me..
Focusing on weakness and while ignoring strengths ..this is a big one since all I have been thinking about is how I fail in everything and can't do anything...which leads to
Severe self -criticism...I know I am my worst critic.
Keeping goals a secret. Not being honest with myself I think if I don't tell anyone my goals then I can't fail again in them....
and last but not least
Giving up after a set back. This is basically what I did after I lost that job that I thought was going to be the "big" answer to all my problems....

So this is my promise (or commitment) to MYSELF...I am NOT going to keep letting EE & MM put those small weights on my ankles to keep me from climbing that mountain (I know it's going to be an uphill struggle). It's time to stand up and say Enough of this...lets get going with making my life what I want it to be.

*note..if you are a new reader and don't know who EE & MM is...they are my alter egos Evil Eva and Moaning Mona.

Being Positive

2009-01-03T14:54:00.006-02:00

Anther blogg...boy am I on a roll....but I feel good this morning (altho I'm doing alot of coughing) and know that I have to get back on track with everything instead of letting Moaning Mona and Evil Eva run my life...I can sit around all day, watch tv and moan about how bad things are but that won't change anything And I need things to change TODAY not tommorow or when I feel better...I need it done NOW...

There are so many things in my life that I have let slip and from reading my last years blog I see it started then and I really haven't done anything about...oh sure I tried for a day or two but then I let MM & EE take control...so how am I going to keep that from happening this time? Truthfully I'm not sure ....but I feel that if I take babysteps and not try to do everything at one time ....not put all the pressure on me at one time that maybe I can actually get back my "Sexy" who I truly loved being...

All my life I've struggled with things...no monies, being fat, feeling insecure but I KNOW those were all my own doings...no one is to blame but ME...I'm the one that has to take charge..if I don't have monies then I need to get out there and find out what is available to me..and if one thing doesn't work then try another...Everything can't be handed to me...(altho I'm still going to play the lottery and hope I win)...but I'm also going to look at what else is available to me..

Monday at the pharmacy there was a newspaper on the bench and while I was waiting for my prescription I glanced at the wanted part time jobs looking for an easy way to make some extra monies (not sure just what I was looking for, just know I need more monies). There was one in there for the Kidney Foundation Services for a CSR to make calls for pick up of donations. Now this is one of the charities I truly feel is a worthy charity and have tried to support it in the past due to my son Jason's illness with renal failure many years ago....so I brought the ad home but it's been sitting on my desk since then...as usual MM & EE have been telling me that this isn't something I want to do...I mean I hate telemarketing, calling peoples at their homes and bothering them..and besides I like my evenings and on the weekends I want to do things .....but I kept thinking about it and this morning I realized that this could be an answer for me only if I actually do something about it. So I sent an (what I feel is an informed) email to the address stating my reasons why I need this job and requested they get back with me if the job is still available...It doesn't pay alot and being on commission it would be up to me to push myself..but in the position I am right now every little penny helps besides I feel this would be a way to make myself feel better about ME...
If I do get the job it won't end my money problems totally and I still need to look at other options (like finding a summer job) but a least it is a POSITIVE step in the right direction...and if I don't get the position then I will keep looking for something else...I know it's out there...

It amazes me that just knowing that there are things I CAN DO for making my life better (which "Sexy" has always known) I feel so much more POSITIVE and ready to face life again.

Now if I could just figure out how to make it LAST.....

In search of GERD

2009-01-03T02:42:00.005-02:00

Two posts in one day after not posting for a year but I felt that if I didn't write this down now I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight so here goes...
after leaving here earlier I went to some of the other sites that I have used in the past for getting motivation and on one of them I found a support group for acid reflux...but before I go into that let me back up here and tell why I was looking for such a group....

I have been sick for a while now with what I thought was a chest cold..in fact I have been struggling for over 2 months with it...a nagging cough and difficulty breathing are only a couple of my symptoms...it has gotten so bad that all my friends and family pressured me into going to the doctor last week...who listened to my lungs, took my blood pressure and temp and said that my lungs didn't sound all that bad but gave me a steroid shot and antibiotic prescription and told me to take Mucinex DM...I felt great the first day, probably the steroid shot but since then it just doesn't seem to be getting any better.
So I've been doing some thinking and remembering the trouble I had years ago when I weighed over 250 pounds and used to go to doctors all the time.... back in 1989 I had this nagging dry cough from a tickle in the throat and alot of heartburn...the cough got so bad that it was like coughing up a lung..finally went to a gastronenoligist who told me that I had a Hiatal Hernia which was causing me acid reflux, he put me on Zantac (at that time you couldn't buy it over the counter) and told me that I needed to lose weight by changing my diet..well at that time I didn't lose any weight but did learn to eat alot of Tums...I also gave up fried foods and soda which seemed to help...I still got heartburn but wasn't coughing...and after I lost my weight and got fit I didn't even have the heartburn so I figured that I was cured (lol)...I remember when I didn't even have any Tums in the house...and believe me I can eat them like candy...
Anyway back to today...about a month ago after taking some Thera Flu my acid reflux started to acting up but I didn't want to admit to myself that my eating habits were the reason why I was so sick...after all my chest was congested and I was and still am coughing up alot of phlegm (yech) so I figured I was dealing with a couple of things here (and that's still a possiblity). But after reading this article http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com/gastroesophageal-reflux-disease.html about GERD (Gastroesophagel Reflux Disease) I am totally convinced that this is my problem and the good thing is I know what I have to do to get better (what a relief) and to keep it under control since there is no cure for it... it won't be easy but in some ways it will make what I want to do which is get back to eating healthy and exercising easier...since I know that if I eat certain things (like processed sugar and chocolate) I will have problems with the acid reflux (which I truly do not enjoy)....I know that if I don't get this under control I can (if I haven't already) get COPD a progressive lung disease...now that's down right scary....it has been scary anyway having trouble breathing...

so here's my list of some of my symptoms which I've had for awhile but didn't' think anything of them since it only happens every once in a while (until lately)
heart burn (which as gotten worse in the last month, at night especially)
Stricture which is difficulty swallowing food (I've had this problem for about a year now mostly with bread. I remember my Mom having the same problem when she was here years ago...)
acid taste in mouth and back of throat (it causes a tickle which isn't any fun)
waking up with a choking sensation (this one is scary)
top these with the coughing and congestion but no fever and not feeling sick otherwise I have came to the conclusion (just call me Dr Sue) that I have found my GERD and now I'm going to get serious and figure out just how I can control it with out going to a doctor and getting on medications...I firmly believe that there must be a way....and I'm determined to find it...

First I will make a list of foods I know that cause me heartburn..sugar being the biggest culprit and I will find an alternate that I can tolerate....
I will find a way to eat healthy on a budget....true sugar is cheaper than honey but not if it causes me to have to take prescriptions....

second I know that exercise helps me keep the stress down and also will build the muscles around my stomach so it can tolerate me wearing clothes that aren't baggy...which I hate but have to do for now..(I noticed the other night when I was wearing my pants which have gotten tight on me that I was doing alot of coughing and having trouble getting comfortable)...

I will keep looking for ways to make myself healthy again...I really liked that feeling!!!

I will start this one day at a time as I did before but I will get it under control...

Where did 2008 go?

2009-01-02T21:02:00.005-02:00

Here it is a new year 2009 and of course I'm thinking about New Years Resolutions (which I always hate) and I realize I've let 2008 go by and I have NOTHING to show by it except bad feelings, bad health and bad self esteem...Now this isn't good...so I came here to re read some of my earlier blogs (which surprized me how good they were) and realized I really want that person that wrote those blogs back..

I started this blog in 2005 when I was at a really good place...very positive...ready for anything...lots of adventures..not afraid to face my inner demons and working on getting my self esteem to a level that would only mean success for me...

So what happened?

How did I get to where I am today?...maybe not exactly where I was (mentally or physically) when I began in 2003 but close to it...I'm defiantly not the same person I was back when I started this blog and how do I get that "Sexy" back. At this time I'm not going to into all that is wrong with my life today because that isn't what matters to me...What matters to me is getting back to where I am happy with myself...to see some of that personality I see when I go back and reread some of my earlier blogs...

I have all the tools and knowledge to do it and one of them is coming here and blogging in where I am and all of my successes not just my failures...

so maybe I won't do a New Years Resolution but I will make a list of what I would like to see happen in my life in the next couple of months...

1. to get back into a regular exercise routine (whether that be at the gym, hiking, running 5k's again or all of them)... not accepting any more excuses such as the cost of gas...too tired after work, no clothes that fit me or not feeling good enuff. I know this is important for my mental and physical self more than anything else..This is what makes ME feel good...and I want ME back..besides It's Fun!!!

2. blogging in...this keeps me from accepting those excuses. and it's a good place to get motivation from other bloggers like Swigg and Kyra..good to see they are still at it...I know I've said this in the last couple of years and I do good for awhile then stop but I'm going to work on really staying with it this time.... It's another way of judging just where I am and how far I've come...

3. getting my health back..to do this I need to control my eating...no accepting excuses bout the cost of healthy food...I NEED to get off the white processed sugar...I know it's killing me and I also know I can live without it...I did for 2 years...I may not be able to afford the way I ate a few years ago but I truly believe there is a way not to starve my self and eat healthy within a budget..I just have to find it....maybe try some new recipes with what I can afford...

4. Start enjoying life again..it's not that I'm totally miserable but I've defiantly let Myself get in to a way of life of making excuses and accepting that I can't do certain things because of where I am today with my health....I've done it before and I can do it again...I want that really good feeling I had back when I started this blog...I want the adventure back..

So where did 2008 go? What did I do the whole year? Some of the Highlights were..

In May I did go to the wedding on the beach in Florida with my TH.us group (more about them later, they have been a lifeline for me in the past year). I didn't lose the weight but still had a great time with my friends...

In June The Kid and I went to Wyoming to visit my Mom and family...not the happiest time in my life but most of it was my own doing...For some reason this trip really threw me for a loop...I missed Lar so much and seeing my Mom who is 80 years old and not doing good mentally and physically just about tore me up...put me in a "black hole" for quite a long time...

Did not get a job for the summer....made excuses which I don't won't to go into right now but mostly sat around the house feeling sorry for myself and eating and getting bigger. Until the last two weeks before school started then called my supervisor and asked her if she could put me to work in the office...Thank God she did!!!

August school started and I went back to driving the school bus. Surprizing how much I really enjoy the kids...This year I only have 3 routes..the same high school route (mostly same kids) as last year, 1 elementary school (I'm on my third new route for various reasons) and a new middle school route (which I just got a month ago)...it challenges me and keeps me young trying to keep up with these kids..
I also got a raise and more hours...oh yeah...on Thurs I do Community Skills for the high school...with 7 boys who are special ed...some day I'll write about them but not today...

In October Th.us had another wedding...this one was for Carson and Huyen in the Blue Ridge Mountains...the group also went white water rafting but I had a bad feeling about going this years so I sat it out with my Friend Rachel who just had back surgery.

I've only gone hiking a couple of times and those were only small day hikes...I use the excuse that I don't have the right clothes to wear and I don't want to slow the group down...again excuses which only make me miss out on the fun..

As you can see I know I've had some good times in 2008..it hasn't all been bad so why do I feel that I've failed at something I should have been doing...

Well the good thing is there is always today and tomorrow to get back to where I want to be..Life is full of set backs but that doesn't mean that it is the End...

Birthdays

2008-01-31T21:48:00.000-02:00

Today's Larry's Birthday and I'm feeling a little blue and down...I miss him so much sometimes.
Most of the time I like being by myself..being able to do what I want when I want without having to answer to anyone..but then there are times when it would be nice to have some who cares where you are and miss you when you aren't with them...someone to share birthdays with...

good thing I know that tomorrow will come and bring more memories...

On MY way to SC

2007-12-31T11:30:00.000-02:00

for the New Year..will be back on Weds...

I got up early this morning , made my bed,took a shower, fixed my hair and actually put makeup on...I then packed my bag...fixed myself a good healthy breakfast and cleaned the kitchen while listening to a motivational tape.

I really feel like I'm getting back to being MYSELF....for so long I've had NO motivation to do anything...these things I've listed up above may not sound like a big deal but for ME in the last few months are things that just didn't seem important enough to do...or just seemed like to much work...I still have to push myself to do anything but it's getting easier..I want to be back to where I don't have to think about doing things like this and just do it....

All I've got left to do is to clean up my truck and get gas and then off I go...
It's only a 3 hr drive and I'm anxious to see Conry & Paula...I know Paula doesn't get up before noon so I figure I'll be arriving at a good time....

I know I'll be making memories.....

Rainy Day

2007-12-30T13:01:00.000-02:00

and still feeling good about myself in spite of it...

We need the rain so bad here in Georgia that I'm actually glad to see it...even more glad that I'm at home and don't have to drive the bus in it...altho it is a slow steady rain ..the kind that sinks into the ground...just what we need...
It's hard for me to get to concerned about the drought (altho I know it's serious) because where I come from (Wyoming) it was so much drier there (except for the snow) and when we were in a drought everything was brown...here things are still green but i can really tell there's a drought when I go hiking up in the mountains and where there used to be a running stream there is only a trickle now...the waterfalls are really what I miss....again only a trickle..although it does make it easier for river crossings......

I don't have any hikes planned right now....all the hikes are level 4 & 5 and I'm a level 3 hiker. At least right now...working on getting to be a level 4..hopefully by this spring. I miss camping this winter but since there is a campfire ban for all the states I camp in I don't see much sense in going...it gets dark about 5:30 pm and without a campfire there's not much to do except go to bed....No Fun...I could go on some day hikes but just haven't seen anything that interests me and as I said i'm not ready for a strenous hike right now..I have no doubt i could do it..I just hate slowing down the group...besides that my friend Bruce (who's hikes I usually go on because he always takes us to a waterfall or two) has been having health problems and has had to take a break from hiking...I like some of the other leaders but it's just not the same without Bruce...But I'll keep checking the website for the AOC and if I see a hike that really interests me then I'll sign up and go..

Making my plans to go to SC for the New Years...I have to be back on Weds to make sure my bus is ready for Thurs when I go back to work...I have to take down all the Christmas pictures the kids drew & colored for me..I probably decorated my bus more than I did my house...how funny is that...I wish I could post some of the pictures here but since I don't have a scanner anymore it's not possible....They are so cute and some are really good....I'm thinking about doing a pet theme next...I already have some pictures that a few of them did for me of their pets..I will put them up in the bus by the childs assigned seat..for some reason they get a big kick out of that...Now if only I could think of something to keep the middle schoolers under control...LOL....

Climbing out of the dark hole!

2007-12-29T12:29:00.001-02:00

I've decided to use this blog only for things not related to my struggle with my weight (if that's possible) and to start another blog to journal in for losing the weight..it's called Doing It My Way.

This blog will be for dealing with my other things in life (yes, there is other things besides weight problems). I have found myself so immersed in my depression about my weight that I've let all the other good and bad things go on the side...that's one of the reasons I haven't been here much lately...Not sure how this is going to work out.

All I can say is what people have been saying about me for years and that is that you never know what I will do.
I will come here to tell you about my life as MS SUE the bus driver. Also my adventures hiking and backpacking...
My struggles with learning how to live on a budget....
Sometimes I might even come here when I'm in the deep hole called depression (hopefully this will be few)...

For today ...I feel good ...I feel for the first time in a long time that I've gotten a handle on my life..I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow...not that I have any great plans for tomorrow but there have been times lately that I didn't want to wake up in the morning...

I'm planning on going to SC for New Years Eve..something I've done for the past 3 years...to see my freinds Conry & Paula....I haven't seen them since last New Years and I miss them so much that I decided that to spend the money and do without something else (not sure what right now but I'll figure it out) and just go...usually we exchange gifts but this year I told them My gift will have to be me coming to spend time with them...They understand! They are my very best friends....I'm looking forward to seeing them again...

I feel like I've been in a black hole for way too long..It's time to climb out and start living a full life again

Christmas was good!

2007-12-28T13:26:00.000-02:00

I'm good! and life is going on.....
I'm trying to get my life back to where it was a year and a half ago..before I quit my job and started gaining all this weight back...I've been dealing with a lot of depression and this makes me very lazy....I haven't been UNHappy exactly but then I haven't been happy either..some days are better than others and I think that all is going on fine and then I come to a bump in the road and fall back on my old habits...
Being in debt is a bummer but it's not the end of the world..I've been here before when The Kid was a baby before I met Larry and I know that I can survive this just like I did then...so what if I couldn't give my Grandkids the Christmas I wanted to..that's what they have parents for...and I don't think they really cared that I didn't give them expensive gifts but they were happy that they got to come to my house on Christmas Eve (a tradition) and spend time with me..at least that's what I'm telling myself today...

I've let things go so bad here around the house but I'm trying to get it back together. I've been keeping my house clean each day...no more dirty dishes in the sink and dirty clothes all over my bedroom and unmade bed....and now I'm working on getting the office cleaned...the son-in-law came over yesterday and put up shelves in my closet (something I started a year ago and never finished) so I can go through all the stuff that I've piled up on the floor and find a place for everything...I also straighted up the garage yesterday and took a load of junk that I know I will never use or sell to the dump...there is now a clear path so I can get to the shelves on the walls..It feels good when I walk through my house...I still have lots to do but then that's a never ending job isn't it?

I am not calling this my New Years Resultion...no this is just me getting back to being MYSELF...

I admit that I'm ADDICTED

2007-12-01T12:44:00.001-02:00

Yep, it's that time of the year...CHRISTMAS....and already I've spent more time watching TV in this last week than I have in Months....starting last Friday (the day after Thanksgiving) I turned on my TV and watched Christmas movies from 8 am til midnight...For some strange reason I love Christmas Movies...the sappier the better...Every day I get home I turn on the tv to the Hallmark station to see what Christmas movie they have....last night I was upset because there wasn't any on that I haven't already seen this week....and nothing on any of the other stations either....bummer....but I did see an advert for a new one that is to show tonight....whooopppeee...

I should start keeping a list of the movies but mostly I just watch them and I'm lucky if I can remember the names of the movies until I see it again... the ones so far that I really remember are :) Picking Up/Dropping Off (a favorite of mine), The Carol Christmas (another Scroogelike movie with Tori Spellman, not one I will watch again) The Christmas Card (a new one for me and I liked this one), The Christmas List (another favorite I watch each year), A Grandpa for Christmas (still undecided about this one..I might have to watch it again to decide LOL)...there was one with Linda Hamilton set in Germany during the war that was good, I just don't remember the name...I think it might have been Silent Night or something like that...it was good..there are many more I've watched all ready and I see advertisements for new ones that I haven't seen yet...I can't seem to stop myself....LOL

This addiction is soooo bad that I found myself watching The Waltons and Little House on the Parire Christmas repeats and I LOVED THEM NOW as much as I did when the origially came out back in the 80's...

They haven't showed My all time favorite the orginal MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET yet ....but thats all right because #1 Niece gave me the video for Christmas a few years ago...I even love the remakes of this movie....I guess in my heart I believe in Santa or at least what he stands for..the good ...I'm saving it for closer to Christmas ....once I've seen all the others...It's something to look forward to ......

I'm thinking I really need help :)

Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T12:06:00.000-02:00

It's a good day....It's raining out!!!! Yay!!! Who would have thought I would EVER be THANKFUL to see rain...but I'm in Georgia and we've been having the serious drought...and we need this rain and lots more so bad...It's been really hard to see the streams and waterfalls with only a trickle of water in them lately...and we been on a no fires restriction so I haven't planned a backpacking trip for some time... after all it's really hard to camp in the winter with out a camp fire..So I'm THANKFUL that I didn't have a trip planned this weekend...

I had Bubba and Lil Bit (9 yr old grandson & 4 yr old granddaughter) Tuesday night and all day yesterday....there was no school but The Kid still had to work....I really don't see them enuff and this was a good chance to spend some time with them....We had a blast....The kids love to come over to my house but I'm usually busy doing something SO I made sure that I didn't have plans this time....they set my 2 man tent up in the living room and that's were they slept and then yesterday we went to the park and walked around the lake..we had a picnic at the half way mark where there is a bunch of big bolders for them to play on....It's ONLY 3 miles but it was quite the walk for Lil Bit..I ended up carrying her the last mile..Lil Bit is at a fun age..she is quite the character....I love when she is talking and someone (usually her brother) will start interupt and start talking over her...she says "Helllloooooo, I'm talking here" she had me in stitches both days....everything is "OH MY Gawd" and she has this really cute lil southern accent....she is still at the age that she likes to cuddle...I guess I really needed cuddling too because we did alot of it...
Bubba is the best big brother (most of the time) he really watched out for her on the big boulders and it's so cute when you see him with his arm around her while they are walking...he did offer to carry her on his back but I said no because I didn't want him to get too tired to finish the walk because there is NO WAY I could carry him...by the time we finished the 3 miles he said his legs were hurting...I forgot how long 3 miles is to kids....hey a couple of years ago 3 miles would have been impossible for me...They did GREAT....
I'm so THANKFUL that I have such great GrandKids!!!

My friend Hayat who I haven't seen in forever called me yesterday and wanted to go out to a club where they give Salsa Dancing lessons (free) and have a Free Buffet... I said "sure" so after The Kid came and got the grandkids I went out for a couple of hours....It was fun but I realized how out of shape I am after an hour of turns and fancy steps learning the Salsa...I do wish I was more cordinated when it comes to dancing..I love watching other people...there was this older married couple who where so good..they told me that they have been dancing together for 30 years..how sweet is that?

I'm going over to The Kids house for Thanksgiving Dinner today but I'm thinking about stopping at the gym first and getting a good workout....I was planning on going to the park and running but since it's raining I guess I'll have to change my plans...THANKFULLY I still have the gym..and after dinner at The Kids I've been invited over to my friends Jo's for an evening of relaxing with her family and some of our "Jazz" friends....It will be fun especially since I don't have to be back at work until Monday...we've been know to stay up all night just talking and having fun...

It's nice to know that I have so many Positive things to be THANKFUL for on this day of Thanksgiving....

What's Wrong with ME?

2007-11-17T17:58:00.000-02:00

Like everything else in my life I keep putting off coming here to blog...I think about it when I'm in my car, in bed and even when I'm driving the bus...I think of all kinds of things I could be writing...but when it comes to actually coming into my office and logging in to my site..I think to MYSELF...I'll wait till later to do it....and then NEVER do it....

And it's not only blogging that I'm doing this with..it's cleaning my house, paying bills, going to the gym or even weighing myself...It's so easy NOT to do ANYThINg....just to sit around and read...Oh I go to work everyday and I've even did a 5K a couple of weeks ago...oh yeah and I did do Bruce's Panthertown Backpacking Trip (the one I really wanted to do...it was good) and I've hung out with my friend J...it's not like I'm NOT doing things...just not things I know I should be doing...

I could use the excuse that this is the Month that I'm always depressed....but I don't really feel depressed...I mean I laugh with my freinds and co workers...it's just that I have no energy or motivation to do most of the things that I need to do....

I also tell myself it's because I have NO monies...I'm more in debt now than I ever have.(why does everything have to Cost sooo much)..but I also tell myself that I can see my way out of it....I just have to be patient and chip at it a little at a time and do without alot of the things I got used to having...like Healthy food, clothes and books....you know the essentials in my life...
I gave up my protein drinks and all of my supplements because it was costing me over $150 a month....now I know that I can buy the cheaper version of all those things but I keep putting it off....I pass up alot of the things that my friends are doing because I just don't have the monies to keep up with them..and I'm not comfortable with them paying my way ALL the time..I get so tired of having to say "NO, I don't have the monies"...I'm lucky in that my friends are GREAT and they won't take the answer NO most of the times....I went to Savannah with a group of 6 and stayed at a B&B in September which my friend "L" paid for...we had a blast....and then last month a group of about thirteen of us went to the Mountains, rented a cabin and went White Water Rafting....again I didn't have to pay anything because another friend paid for my part...but you know I get so tired of NOT being able to Pay my own way....the months that I was out of work and the 6 months that I worked for LA Fitness really put me behind...I made a mistake of living off my Credit Cards...something I knew better than to do but didn't feel like I had a choice..but now I'm working to get them paid off....
I seem to be obsessing over this probably more than I should...letting Moanin' Mona rule the day....

well, most of the time LIFE IS GOOD for me....I mean I have so many things to be thankful for...It's just that pushing myself to do the things I know would make be feel better just sounds like to much work...and is so easy to put it off for today, telling myself that there is always tommorow....

I wanted to wait till I had something funny, something uplifting...something to make me laugh before I blogged again...but that doesn't seem to be happening...all I ever seem to blog is this self pity stuff....damn...what's wrong with me?

I'm so bummed

2007-08-28T13:36:00.001-02:00

but I refuse to get discouraged!

I've been looking over future events for my outdoor club and I'm either too out of shape (since I've gained all this weight back) or too poor....

I did go on an overnight back packing trip last month and that's when I realized this extra 20/25 pounds really slow me down...it's not fair to the other campers when I can't keep up...so I guess if I really want to do this (AND I DO) then I need to get off my fat ass and get busy losing this weight and getting back into shape...
I've given myself one month because that's when Bruce has scheduled the Panther Town backpacking trip (Oct 20th) and I really want to go on this one..it's will be the one year anniversary of my first backpacking trip which was Panther Town...
This should give me the incentive to really buckle down and get busy...NO MORE EXCUSES...I know I can do it...I've done it before....I want to fit in all that gear that I bought especially for hiking...right now I can't get anything buttoned up and even if I did then I can't move...and believe me when you are hiking you need to be able to breath and move easily...LOL...

There are 4 other events before that that I won't be able to go on that I really want too but I have to be realistic ....
1. Introductory to Rock Climbing....this is an indoor thing that costs $30 and you need to be in shape to pull yourself up....This is something I've been wanting to try for awhile but now that the chance is here..I can't do it and it's all my own fault...the only thing I can tell myself is...I will be ready the next time they offer it....and knowing these guys ...they will offer it again...and I'm going to be ready....
2. Caving trip to Cedar Ridge....I haven't done any caving yet..last year I was thinking about trying it...altho tight places aren't one of my favorite things...I'm told this is a fairly easy caving trip...it doesn't cost anything but you must be in shape....
3. Fall Creek Falls State Park...Cabin Camping and waterfall hike....cost $57....sounds like a great hike..but is rated as difficult...I did a couple of difficult hikes last winter but again don't feel that I could do this without holding up everyone...plus the monies ...which I don't have...again...maybe next year..
I'm hoping that I will be in better shape and that I will have the monies when Paula posts her ZipLine trip...we talked about it on my last hike with her and it's one of the things I really want to do....

So since I really love doing outdoor activities especially in the fall and winter I had better get a plan on how I'm going to get in shape to do all the things I want...

1. Start running again at the park on the weekends if not during the day when I'm not working...there are two parks that I go too that have off trails that I can put on a backpack and walk/run just to get myself ready...that is after I get myself built back up a bit.....
2. Stop SNACKING....if I'm not at home but out running or working out at the gym this should be easy for me to do....And start eating regular meals...it's been to easy to just fix myself something easy...usually something totally carb...need to get back to the basics like fish (grilled salmon, tilapai, or chicken) and some steamed veggies.....no more peanut butter and honey wraps...I think I've gotten addicted to peanut butter in the last few months...it doesn't matter that it's natural...it still has lots of Calories....
3. Get back to the gym at least 3 x a week...and work out with the free weights..I really love how I feel after doing this...my excuse has been that since I don't drive by the gym anymore on my way home that it's easier to go home than in the opposite direction....This IS JUST an EXCUSE...it only take me 10 - 15 mins from where I park the bus to get to either one of the gyms that I can use....
I've only been playing racquetball on Mondays but talked my partner into playing on Thurs too....since this is something I really enjoy ...it gets me into the gym and since we don't play until 7 pm it also gives me a hour to work out before playing....hmmmm sounds like a plan...

NOW DOES THIS ALL SOUND FAMILAR? .....HAVEN'T I SAID ALL THIS BEFORE? So what makes it differant this time?

I REALLY WANT TO BE IN SHAPE FOR THAT HIKE IN OCTOBER AND I KNOW I HAVE TO START NOW....NO MORE PUTTING IT OFF AND MAKING EXCUSES!!!!

I've said it before

2007-08-27T12:28:00.000-02:00

Where does the time go? It's been almost a month since I've blogged...not sure if it's because I've been busy, didn't feel that I had anything to share or just got out of the habit of coming here..but I'm going to try to do better...for my own sake..

I finished my training for bus manager (4 weeks of Hell), got my CDL (commercial drivers license) and am now driving my own bus on my own routes...this is my second week of driving by myself and the first day that I really thought I might just make this....I didn't make any wrong turns, miss any stops and was only 10 mins late for my last route (this is a big improvement from last week)...so far the kids are great, especially the high school kids. Even my Middle school kids aren't as bad as I was told they would be...I have a couple of girls that are pushing to see how much I will put up with...are they ever in for a surprize....because so far I push back and am not taking any "shit" from them...I figure another week and all will be good there...I have 2 elementary school routes that are a little more of a challenge...mainly due to the number of students on each route..the first one I have 66 kids and the second one I have 54...this is a lot of kids..and I'm just getting to know them....will probably have some stories to tell before long....but I don't want this to become just about my job...but I might need to vent now and then....we'll see how things go...

Oh yeah..I leave to get to my bus at 5:30 am and get done with my AM routes around 9:30 then I have until 1:20 to do whatever I want...right now I'm coming back home to rest and check my emails...probably will blog at this time each day UNLESS I start going to the gym to work out...that was my BIG plan last week but so far that isn't happening...I am going to the gym tonight to play racquetball...yay!!! Like I said I have to be back at my bus by 1:20 so I can get in the line up for my High School...and then I get to do all my PM routes and finish around 5:30 pm...so it's a pretty full day...I was hoping I could find time to get a second job to help pay the bills but with going to the shop for repairs, getting fuel, and going to meetings...my time is pretty well taken up during the day....so I guess I'll just have to wait until this summer and see about getting a part time job to help catch up on all the bills I've accumulated this past year...

The Kid and her hubby came through for me AGAIN...and gave me an early Christmas Present (more like ALL of my presents for the future) and I am now the proud owner of a beautiful new air conditioning unit..it's much bigger and quieter than my old one...which was almost 20 years old and outdated to had to be completely replaced....the Son in Law just happened to be friends with someone in the Heating & Air business and got a "deal" on it...so they tell me..It is/was hard for me to accept it because I'm am so damn independent and hate asking for help from anyone...I think I should be able to handle everything that comes my way...but I will admit that I did need the help this time...I don't know what I would have done with out my family....there's no way I could afford to buy a new unit until next summer when I get a second job..

I'm having a GOOD day today even if I did get on the scale this past weekend and almost fell off when I saw what I weigh....talk about a "slap in the face" ....I really need to "WAKE UP" and get back on a program....NO more excuses...NO MORE SNACKING....back to regular "eating" times and I will get back to an exercise program....and coming here to blog will keep me "honest" NO MORE LISTENING TO EVIL EVA AND MOANIN' MONA....

I AM SO Lucky

2007-07-31T04:36:00.000-02:00

to have such a GREAT Daughter!!!!
Sunday The Kid and family came over and brought me a new microwave, a fan and a gift certificate to WalMart...They also brought over a window air conditioning unit which I asked them to return...it was all too much for me...I would rather they use that money on something else for them selves...I'll survive until I can get my air conditioning fixed... but I have to tell you that having a microwave is a Godsend...I never realized how much I truly use the mircowave...I hated using the stove...it heats up the house too much and I have to dirty so many dishes.....who'd thunk...

struggling here to keep it Positive

2007-07-29T10:37:00.000-02:00

Note to self ...this is not a pity party..this is an exercise to remind MYSELF how lucky I am...

Life hasn't been exactly what I want lately..it seems like since Larry died I've been slowly spiralling downhill and I'm having trouble stopping and getting my life back on an even keel.
Not that I haven't tried....just that nothing I try seems to be working...so this morning I've been having a conversation with Eva & Mona who seem to be ruling my life lately..I have to remind myself that I am stronger than both of them and that I've been through rough periods of my life before and came out of it (I just wish it wasn't such a struggle) and I will do it again (and again and again for as long as I live)..

So what brought this on...lots of little things (just this week.. my microwave breaking down on me...my purse strap breaking and not having any monies to buy a new one, not going out with my freinds last night because AGAIN I don't have any extra monies and not being able to afford the healthy foods that I've been eating in the last 3 years), big things (Larry's Mom passed away and her funeral in ND was last Monday. My Mom underwent surgery in Colorado on Thurs and I wasn't able to be there for either one of them...this hurts me more than words can say because both of them were here for me when I needed them...) and then yesterday I came home to find that my air conditioning isn't working...

Mostly it's all about MONEY...I don't have ANY and don't see myself getting enough to live the life that I've gotten used to while Larry was with me (he spoiled me so much)...I find myself being envious of all my friends & family who don't seem to have to worry about if they have enough monies to pay their bills and they can do pretty much what they want...

But then I remind myself just how lucky I am...

I have a beautiful home that I love with a house payment cheaper than what I could rent for (even with repairs)...There are people out there living on the streets or in housing that I can't even imagine living in..And I think about the Katrina refugees who lost everything and had to start over..so how can I sit here and complain because I don't have air conditioning..heck I never had air conditioning until I moved here to Georgia anyway...I do have ceiling fans in three of my main rooms...so I've decided to try to wait until I do have monies (I don't want to put anything else on my credit cards...hey there's something else I have a credit card that I can use for emergencies)..besides it'll save me some monies on my electric bill and maybe I'll actually sweat off a couple of these extra pounds I've gained in the last nine months...as for the microwave..I've also decided that I'm not buying another one...I just bought this one (at WalMart) a couple of months ago (using my credit card) and until I can afford the one I really want I'm going to actually use my stove and oven for cooking..it does take more time but what the hey...again I went many years without one so why have I become so dependent on it...time i have..money I don't!!!!!!

I may not be eating the foods I want...but at least I do have food to eat...again there are people out there that don't know where their next meal is coming from...I've been here before with eating cheap (I remember a time with my first husband where all we had to eat was beans for about a month) and I know how to do it...I just keep reminding myself that it's not forever...

So I didn't go out last night .Big deal..it's not the end of the world..and there will be other times when I can...I am so lucky to have rooms full of books and I stayed home and read..there are so many things I can do that don't cost monies...like go to the park...talk to freind on the phone...

I have to appreciate the things I do have...so I couldn't afford a new purse...at least I found an old one in the closet that I can use until I can..it may not be in style and I don't really like it but it does serve the purpose and it won't hurt me to use it....

And the most important thing is I have a beautiful daughter who has given me Two of the greatest grand kids in the world..We talk every day and altho I think sometimes I really aggravate her I know that she loves me. I have #1 Niece and I know that she is there if I need her..all I have to do is call her and she is there for me....There are people out who have no one...I have more friends in my life now than I can remember ever having...they are good friends and I'm the only one who thinks that I'm not good enough for them just because they have more monies than I do...proof of that is that one night while we were all gathered around Moanin' Mona was crying about how bad my yard was and they came over and helped me with it...It makes me realize that it's not the material things in life that really counts but what you do with what you do have in life..being negative is so easy but it really doesn't make things better...just makes it worse...and as I have to remind MYSELF everyday..there is always someone out there that has it worse than ME...

Hanging in there!!!!

What's wrong with this picture?

2007-07-18T22:32:00.000-02:00

My romote for the tv in the living room doesn't work so I ran all the way into my bedroom to get that one to see if that one would work....it does...is this the saddest thing you've heard today or what?

BTW.. you can turn my tv on without the romote but there isn't any way to change the channels without the remote...when did the manufactures do away with that on TV's? Can you tell I don't watch a lot of tv....LOL

Oh yeah, I do have an old tv...#1 niece & hubby got it for me after Larry passed away..it's just a regular tv..no flat screen or big screen for me...and that's all right....since I would really rather read a book unless Miami Ink is on....whoooo hooooo....

It's ALL about ME!

2007-07-18T00:42:00.000-02:00

So I did it...I am now a Bus Manager (that's driver to most but manager sounds better). I finished up at the gym after the Grand Opening in which I had only 7 sells...This was suppose to be the BIG day for Sales but it really was a bust...and I'm not the only one that didn't have the sales that was promised...so any way that was the deciding factor for me... I decided to get out of sales and to live life again..I'm finally getting back to working out and even getting to play racquetball again... haven't made any plans for backpacking. I'll probably wait for it to cool off some here first...
don't worry...I'm keeping busy...

I didn't start training until yesterday..so I had a week off to do some catch up and do somethings just for ME!!!!

The first part of the week I painted my bathroom off the master bedroom...I haven't painted this room for about 15 years and it really needed it...I painted it a "white Peach" with the ceiling & the trim "Peachtree"...hey, I'm in Georgia after all....LOL...It looks so much better...I plan on carrying the colors over into my bedroom. the "white peach" color is in my bedspread..that's where I got the idea in the first place...It took me two whole days to paint this tiny lil room so I'm waiting until I have more time to paint the bedroom...it's a whole lot bigger and I'm doing it all by myself...

On Weds my friend Joelle called and wanted me to check out a new club with her and the gang...talk about NiCE!!! Enjoyed it so much we all went back on Friday...
Thurs Joelle and I went on a quest in the Georgia Wine country....Joelle is into wines and she has never been able to find a good wine made in Georgia and had heard about a couple of winery's here in the North part of the state...We went to four and at the last one we found just what she was looking for..it was the best...It's called Wolf Country Winery....we got to sit on the outside patio..sipping wine, eating cheese & crackers and watching a fantastic sunset over the mountains..talk about relaxing....

Saturday I went to the gym & worked out (I actually went to the gym everyday but Thurs and worked out...it was great...but boy am I out of shape...it's funny how fast that can happen) and then went over to The Kids and picked up Lil Bit so she could spend the night with me...It seems like the last 6 months I just haven't gotten to spend much time with my grandkids...We had a great time together...went to the park and played..for a four year old she is soooo smart and beautiful....it was nice having someone tell me ALL the Time that she loves me....I got a lot of hugs and kisses all day....Nothing like a child to make you feel loved...sigh...

Sunday I actually got my lawn mowed (after working out at the gym)...I have been neglecting my yard so much this summer...but it looks pretty good right now thanks to the rain we been having lately...

It seems like I lost Myself for a while but I'm starting to feel like the old Me again...must be the clothes I'm wearing again....altho with the extra 20 pounds I gained my clothes don't look as good as they did last year on me....that roll of fat around my middle is driving me crazy..but hey...at least I know how to get rid of it...and I AM working on that...

SO "it's all GOOD" here with ME.....

What do you want to be when you grow up?

2007-06-08T05:11:00.000-02:00

I'm thinking about changing jobs AGAIN...I've pretty much came to the conclusion (after 6 months) that I'm not made for sales...altho I love the gym and love meeting lots of new people, I just can't seem to get it when it comes to pushing people into buying memberships at a price that they think is too much...so far since I've been employed I have made ONE commission check...the rest of the time I have been earning MINIMUM wage and putting in ALOT of hours just so I can keep my head above water..I no longer have a life.I've been made to feel guilty if I want to take anytime off from work..even my usual days off..so I end up working 10-12 hr days 6 to 7 days a week...ALL FOR MINIMUM WAGE....I have basically given up all I really love to do...working out, playing racquetball, camping/backpacking ....just so I can make minimum wage? ....and I really don't see it getting any better...So you ask WHY have I stayed with it for this long? Well, I guess the answer could be that I'm just not smart....and because I really don't want to go back to an office job...the thought of having to "fit in" with a new job that will require me to actually have to learn new things scares me to death....I know that I don't "catch on" to things as fast as most people and that changes come hard for me...my memory just isn't all that good any more (maybe I'm in the beginning stages of alhemizers)....So where does that leave me?

Today I spoke with some recruiters for the County School District...they are looking for Bus Drivers and I think that I could really do this...the monies isn't all that bad. I've always thought that school bus drivers were just old retired people or people who wanted part time work but I found out that isn't necessarily true..that you can actually earn a pretty good living driving bus..
So I'm looking at the pro's and con's of this job before I burn all my bridges (altho I think they may already be on fire).

It's not a glamorous job (I just can see people's expression when I tell them I'm a school bus driver...but hey I think I can live with that)

And I would have to put up with RugRats!!! but it's only for a couple of hours and not all at once...

I would have to Drive a big ass Bus...not sure if this is a con or pro...hey, for once everyone would have to get out of my Way on the road...now that might be fun...

I would get EVERY Weekend and ALL the holidays off...and the whole summer if I wanted it...you are guaranteed 30 hrs a week ALL year long no matter what....you can pick up extra monies by doing Field trips and other things....

My hours would be easy....a couple of hours in the morning, then a couple more in the afternoon...the rest of the day is mine to do what ever I want..(work out at the gym, play racquetball or what ever I wanted without feeling guilty)

the monies isn't all that bad...not fantastic but I think I could make it on it...they start at $12.54 and can earn up to $18 an hour...and again you can earn more by taking side jobs...

The benefits are GREAT with the county...

Did I say that I could have the summer off and still get paid?...so maybe I wouldn't take the Whole summer off but if I wanted to say ....go backpacking on the AT for a couple of weeks..I could..Or I could even go up to Alaska with my friend Conry next summer ...Or I could even go home to Wyo to see my Mom for more than a few days...If I wanted to ...do you see where I'm going with this?

Well, this could be the deciding factor for me...I'm 57 years old and I know that I will have to work the rest of life and I really can't see me doing sales for the next 20 years but once you are on with the county it's a pretty good shot that you will stay...I was told that they have a 73 year old driver...

and I wouldn't have to wear that Damn polo shirt everyday that looks like shit on me....I could dress like I want...well maybe not ...but I could at least be comfortable....

So it looks like there are definitely more good things about being a bus driver than bad..now if only I can get hired on....

so I guess I'll get busy and post my application online. I had problems getting into the site earlier, I may have to go to one of their Kiosh's (sp?) tomorrow (which is suppose to be one of my days off but I didn't make any sales today so I feel compelled to go to work...not good)...

I just hope IF I get this gig I'm not making ANOTHER Big mistake....but I have to tell you I keep dreaming about being able to enjoy my days off again....who'd thunk that would be all that important to me....LOL...

Backpacking!!!

2007-05-21T13:24:00.000-02:00

My weekend started off Friday when my friends J & L both called me to let me know that we were having a get together at J's to discuss the upcoming houseboat party (June 1-June 3) and that they would take no excuses from me, that I needed to show up at least for a little while...so I did! Even knowing that I still hadn't packed my backpack for my trip Sat & Sun...

I didn't drink knowing that I needed to be my best for the climb the next day (altho there was still plenty of booze from our last get together...a week ago). I just stuck to drinking water but ended up staying until 12:30 am...got home and threw a few things in my backpack...tried to sleep for a couple of hours and finally got up around 5 am to finish packing and get to the park n ride to meet the rest of the gang...figuring that I would be able to sleep a couple of hours on the ride up to the trail head (which is in SC)...Which didn't happen because I ended up riding with Lee & Kelly and had to play catch up on all the news since I've seen them last...I've missed a couple of outings because of work that they were on...this was my 5th trip with Lee and first with Kelly (his girlfriend) but have been partying with them outside of the AOC...they are fun...oh yeah, John rode with us too...he's a 27 year old who looks to be 19...he's a sweetheart...

This trip we had a pretty big crowd...16 in all...usually there is only about 8-10 peoples but Bruce (our leader) decided "the more the merrier" on this trip...and boy was he right...
there were 4 new campers that I had never met...but mostly I knew everyone...altho I was the oldest in the group..there were a couple of other guys around my age...Bruce is 56 and Buck is 55...(there were 6 gals & 10 guys...a good combination if you ask me...) the youngest was Kelly at 23...

The first day we hiked in about 3 miles wearing our backpacks (mine weighs about 37 pounds..just can't seem to get the weight down...so I was glad that this one was a short trip with backpacks) to our campsite...mostly down hill ( which meant that we would be hiking uphill all the way out the next day...never a good thing)..

We then set up camp and ate lunch..then set out to explore the area sans backpacks....we had 3 waterfalls to see that day...we figure we covered about 6 miles..lots of up and downs but it was a pretty good hike...the waterfalls were beautiful..this area is full of them..it's so amazing..you'll be climbing and all of a sudden you look up and there is this gigantic waterfall in front of you...I'm still a little leery of water so i didn't go swimming but a couple of the guys did...I did take my shoes off and wade in the water a bit..let me tell you it was freakin' cold..I don't know how the guys could stand getting fully submerged...

After spending a great day hiking we all got back to camp and built a fire and fixed our dinners...I had rice & veggies (a convenient dehydrated meal bought from REI that you only need to add boiling water to the bag and eat out of the bag itself...how cool is that...) Then began the fun...normally with the smaller groups you will sit around the campfire and relax...well, this group had other things in mind. (and I must admit that I was one of the instigators OOOPs)..out came all the booze (I had brought a small box of wine) and Bruce dug out his cards..one of the guys (I think it was Matt, the army survivalist who likes to skinny dip) had a little radio with speakers so there was music...(if I remember right there was dancing later...) any way..Bruce had brought this big box of wine (3 liters) and 4 of us (Bruce, John, Lee & I) played cards, a game that I think Bruce made up..it's called Knock...and every time you lose a hand you have to drink....well, I must have lost more hands than I thought (altho I won the game) because when the game was over (I WON...and I never win card games...hmmmm I wonder if the guys let me win just to keep the game going) any hoooo..when I stood up from the ground..the world was spinning and I was feeling no pain..by this time it was around 10 pm and we all decided to go star gazing..an amazing thing in the mountains...something I always love to do...there was this sandbar after crossing the river that we had seen earlier that we decided was the perfect spot for stargazing...so about 6 or 8 of us all trooped off to check it out...now I hate water crossing in the daytime but for some reason I had no problem that night....I just took off my shoes & socks and holding onto a couple of the guys crossed over without any problems...didn't bother with stone jumping, just walked right in up to my knees and crossed it barefooted and all..I know that water must have been cold but the guys said I told them it was "warm" talk about feeling no pain..that was me....We all laid in a pile on the sand bars and watched an amazing sky..I found the Big Dipper...then one of the guys (I'm pretty sure it was Matt)...decided to go skinny dipping in the river (which was only a few feet deep but swift) so there was even a full "moon"!!!!!

On the trip back to camp it seems I decided that I didn't need my pants on to cross the river again...at least this is the story that I was told the next day when Mike C returned them to me....I think this is when the dancing started...

When we got back to the camp I was met by Hamilton (who all day hadn't said more than 10 words..this was his first trip with us)...I'm not sure what he had been drinking but whatever it was he was feeling no pain..he decided he was a big bird and wanted to fly off with me...Well after some more dancing...Bruce and I got him back to camp but he couldn't remember where he had set up his tent...with 15 tents we were pretty spread out...I knew where my tent was but couldn't remember where he set his up at...so the few of us that were still up (this was around midnight) went on a hunt for the extra tent..his tent ended up being next to mine just a little ways off...Bruce was across from me and Buck was on the east side of me...so that finally left the one man tent on the west of me...All I know is that I was the first to pick that area and set up..those guys set theirs up after me....I guess I just know how to pick a good spot...I always try to get way from the main group but it always seems like there are others that like to camp where I am....I know why Bruce always sets up by me...it's because he knows that his snoring won't bother me.....Connie was going to set her tent up where Hamilton was but I had reminded her of Bruce's snoring so she found a spot further away....any way while the guys were trying to settle Hamilton in his tent (not an easy task, he still wanted to fly away) I crawled into my tent and just laid there while the world was spinning until I fell asleep...

I woke up and it was still dark and I had to go pee so freakin' bad..but it was freezing (it actually only got down to about 40 degrees) and my sleeping bag was so warm (altho it was filled with sand) that I had to really talk myself into crawling out..the world was still spinning so I don't think I had been a sleep that long but I could hear Bruce and someone else snoring (I think it was Buck) so I knew that all was well. There is nothing worse than having to drop your drawers in the middle of the cold night and pee...especially when you've been holding it for so long that it doesn't want to come but your bladder hurts and you know that it will eventually come..you just have to bear the cold for what seems like forever (in actuality it's only about a minute) and since I was on all fours anyway I decided to crawl back to the tent...glad no one could see me...
where i now not only had sand in my bag but leaves and sticks...talk about roughing it...I fell back to sleep and didn't wake up until I heard Rob at my tent asking me if I needed some aspirin and coffee...it was about 7:30 and camp was stirring...usually Rob and I are the first up...I whispered to him that I was afraid to move...he laughed and then I hear Bruce laughing too..so I knew there was no hope for me...that I might as well just get up and face the music...

After everyone finally got up and had breakfast (and spent lots of time laughing and catching up those who went to bed early on all the fun they missed the night before..) we decided to change the plans for the day and take an easier hike not the strenuous one we had planned on, due to the fact that there were a few of us not feeling our best...the only trouble being we would have to hike out wearing our packs instead of hiking all day and then coming back to break camp...I have to admit I was glad of the change altho it meant wearing my backpack for 6 miles instead of the planned 3 miles...at least there wouldn't be any of the going off trail and lots of climbing with river crossing...We ended up at Schoolhouse Falls..where there was more swimming and one of the guys actually caught a small perch (which he threw back) ..we ended up leaving Sara there to enjoy (she was feeling worse than the rest of us altho I didn't realize she was that drunk the night before...some young things just can't take it like us older people...altho Buck and I were moving pretty slow most of the way back) the waterfall and to start back slowly to meet us at the trail head in a couple of hours....so we left the Waterfall counting only 15 heads instead of 16...it felt weird leaving her but since she has done this hike before I knew she knew the trail back..she does a lot of backpacking on her own...normally we won't leave one of our numbers behind....from there we went to this overlook where you can see forever over the mountains ...ate lunch and took our time getting back to the trail head..only to find that Sara wasn't there yet...We spoke to a couple of mountain bikers who told us that they had seen her and she was about an hour behind us..so Rob (the sweetheart that he is) went to find her and to carry her backpack the last mile of which was a bitch of a climb....

So that was my Backpacking trip to Panthertown (which was where I went on my very first backpacking trip last Sept)....it seems that I am now an experienced backpacker...all I know is if I was born rich instead of beautiful I would just forget all the rest of the world and spend all my time backpacking...my dream is to do the AT starting from Georgia to the end...all 2200 miles of it...I can't even imagine all the wonders i would see...of course it would help if I had a hiking buddy or two to go with me...just to keep me out of trouble...Oh well... I guess we all have dreams....

I'm Back!!!!

2007-05-14T13:21:00.000-02:00

Just got home from the park...

Slept pretty good last night and woke up ready to go run/walk at the park...this is the Park that #1 Niece and I used to do...(last year when we were actually doing things together...sigh) and I really haven't taken any of the off trails by myself but decided today to do it...so I took the 2.5 mile Ravine Overlook trail, which added onto my 2 mile walk...so I actually did 4.5 miles...It was a beautiful morning and since this is a wooded trail which climbs down to a ravine then back up I got a good work out...it actually took me 1.5 hrs because I walked most of it..I'm trying to speed up my walking...for some strange reason it's easier for me to run (except uphill) than walk fast...I feel pretty good today...

This is a big park with 2 entrances which is about a 6-7 mile off trail hike from one entrance to the other..so I'm thinking about putting on my day pack one morning and hiking from one to the other..talked to # 1 Niece to see if she wanted to do it with me...but alas she doesn't have anyone to stay with the kids in the mornings...and I'm thinking about doing it early Weds morning since I don't have to be to work until 2 pm...but she did say that she would pick me up at trail end and take me back to my truck...so this might work out...

I need to get in better shape before this weekend when I do the backpacking trip with the AOC...my first this year...not that I'm really worried about it but it's always nice to be able to keep up with the rest of the gang...I'll be carrying a 35 lb backpack and the extra 20 pounds that I've gained since Oct. last year....so now you see why I'm pushing it....I'm determined that I will be back down to where I was last October by the end of June... and since I'm now on a regular schedule I can stick to some regiment and get some kind of workout each day...

Happy Mothers Day!!!

2007-05-14T00:36:00.000-02:00

it was a good Mothers Day for me...I got up early this morning...drank my protein drink...took all my supplements..got into the car and took myself off to the gym to get a good work out...still trying to figure out some of the new machines at the gym...but I like the challenge and I really did need to change up my routine...altho truthfully I haven't been working out much lately (like in the last 5 months) at least not the way I should...but today I got in a good workout..I did 30 mins on the crosstrainer and then hit the weight machines for a back workout...the assisted pull up machine is differant than the one I'm used to (this one you kneel on instead of standing) but I realize how much upper body strength I've lost...I could hardly do 3 sets of pull ups...It's like starting all over again...I'm thinking that I really need to get another personal trainer...I was hoping to work out with some of the guys that I work with but since we all seem to be working differant hours not sure how that is going to work out....it would be nice if Personal Training was included with my membership (especially since I don't pay for that anymore)..I will have to check it out...

I can tell you it's nice working out at the same place that you work at....got done with my morning workout..took a shower ....got dressed and there I was AT WORK...how cool is that...

The Kid, Hubby, Bubba & Lil Bit came to the gym after church and brought me a plant, some earrings and some really cute Mother Day's Cards...I got to show her around the gym and played with the kids in the Kids Klub....as always it was good to see her and the gang..

Surprisingly we were fairly busy at the gym today..not that I got many sales...It was weird but the first two walk ins (that what we call people who come in to check out the gym) were older single guys..for differant reasons neither one was ready to sign up today..but I gave them passes to try the gym out anyway....again I am too NICE...but I think they really will come back . They were both really nice guys, good looking at least to me...one was a coach at one of the local schools and the other was interested in playing racquetball...weird but I could so see me with either one of them...but alas they showed no interest in me ...Oh well ...

the other salesguys always say that "buyers are liars" and that once they walk out that door then you've lost the sale...they may be right but I hope these guys come back and join just to prove them wrong...

I spoke with My Mom on the phone tonight..it's hard to realize that she is in her late 70's....probably because I haven't seen her much in the last few years..I think that she should be the same that she was before Larry died....I know that she is getting up there in years but then so am I LOL.. anyway..it was good talking to her..she made me laugh...

I work tomorrow but not until 3 pm and then I work until midnight...so maybe I'll get up and go to the park and start running again...we'll have to see how good I sleep tonight...

I haven't been sleeping much lately..I have no problem going to sleep but wake up after a couple of hours and then toss & turn all night...don't know what is going on with that...reminds me of all the times right after Larry died...NOT Good...

Day Off...whooohooo

2007-05-11T18:07:00.000-02:00

so I think I've learned my lesson as far as pushing myself until I can't see straight...This is what happened to me this last month...but after taking most of the day Saturday and all day Sunday I did great this week at work...I felt like the old Sue for the first time in a long time...I actually relaxed and enjoyed myself...It seems like I forgot that I really do love the gym and totally believe in it..the differance in my selling technique (sp?) is like day & night..instead of being a drudge, I have been a happy energetic person...and I've made more Sales...Whooohooo..enuff in fact that I could take today off and not worry about not making monies....funny thing is...I got a call this morning from T Knox (one of the other sales guys) who told me that one of my "guest pass" guy signed up today (it went in my name)...so I'm making monies even tho I'm not there...now how Good is that...

My next day off will be next Saturday & Sunday because I'm going on a backpacking trip..the first this year.(and I am sooo excited about it)..It's with my friend Bruce who tells me that I am now an experience backpacker...Whoa!!!!..I was signed up for one last month but it got cancelled due to the weather..this one was with my friends Don & Tuyet..who are moving to Hawaii..
When I set up my schedule for work I told my manager that I would work Saturdays & Sundays except for 1 weekend a month so I could go backpacking...

So how have I spent my day off so far....well first thing I did was get up and go to the gym..had a great workout (really the first time at this gym that I could try out alot of the new machines)..I did 30 mins on the cross trainer, and then did legs & abs...I'll probably be feeling it tomorrow since it's been a couple of weeks since I've done any real exercise...

Then I went over to the Kids house and had lunch with her and Lil Bit...the Kid just spent the last week in Phoenix for her job and is taking the day off too so she can spend some time with the kids...Bubba was at school but they will have all the rest of the day to spend together...

Then I came home and haven't really done anything because it is so hot and I refuse to turn on my air conditioning yet..I know that I will have to do it sometime soon but I'm just not ready yet...It's 80 degrees here in my house..don't know what it is out side but my house is usually alot cooler than outsides since I'm surrounded by trees...so here I sit under the fan in my sports bra and shorts sweating like a hog..maybe I'll sweat off a couple of pounds..I can always dream...

I've been looking at some pictures that my friend Joelle sent me from the parties we've been going to....I hate pictures of me...I thought my hair looked good that night only to see that it look flat and greasy...what's with that...and I really have a problem smiling for pictures..In fact...just in case I haven't said it before...I HATE pictures of me...

I'm planning on mowing the rest of the lawn once it gets a little later and cooler (I hope) if my lawn mower will start...I really need to clean up the house...it's amazing how messy it can get with just me living here ...no one to blame but myself....I really need to pack up alot of junk and get rid of it...Hopefully IF this job takes off and I start to make some real monies I will be able to start redecorating the house...First room I want to start off with is my bathroom off the master bedroom...it's needed done for years...in fact the whole inside of the house has needed it for years...just getting motivated and finding the monies to do it...I really should start playing the lottery again ....altho for me it's a waste of monies because I NEVER Win anything on it...Why does it seem that only rich people win things..poor people like me just stay poor and rich people get richer...oppps a little of moanin' Mona there...sorry...I just kicked her out..SexySue....

Time to go clean the house ...get some laundry done and maybe take a nap before mowing the lawn....

My lawn mower is out to get me!!!!!

2007-05-08T03:30:00.000-02:00

Proof that my lawn mower hates me....
Sunday when I had all kinds of time to spare I went out to the garage and pulled the lawn mower out...filled it up with gas and tried to start it...pulled that damn cord until my arm was ready to fall off....Would not start...so after about 15 mins I put it back and said forget it...

Today when I had only about an hour and a half before I had to get ready for work.(the whole lawn takes about 2 1/2 hrs with emptying the bag).I decided to try it one more time (just to prove to myself that it won't start) ...now yesterday when I went out to start it I wore my ratty shirt and shorts and of course my really ratty shoes that are falling apart....Today...because I was so sure that the mower won't start I wore my good capri's, and big sweater and no shoes....of course the thing started on the first pull..(go figure)..so there I was with a running lawn mower and if you let go of the handle the thing quits running on you...(god forbid that should happen)...after all my grass is so long that I'm starting to get funny looks (again) from the neighbors..but do they come over and mow the lawn for me....NOOOOOO.....anyway there I was mowing the lawn in my bare feet (which have gotten really wimpy because I wear shoes all of the time) ....there is poision ivy in one of my islands and it has grown over into the side yard....I'm trying not to step in it and instead am stepping on those damn little sweet gum balls (the ones with all the spikes....ouch) but fear not I'm not really crazy enuff to keep this up..after I stepped on the first sweet gum ball I said NO WAY and went and put my shoes on...I figured the damn lawn mower won't start and there I would be with a yard with one strip mowed...but no the thing started right up...so I mowed the front yard today....We'll see if the damn thing starts tommorow so I can finish it up...

Now this same thing happened to me the last time I tried to mow the lawn (about a month ago)
I took off work especially to mow the lawn and couldn't get the thing started...so the next day I decided to pack it up and take it in to Sears for it's yearly tune up but first wanted to try to start it just to make sure it won't start...Damn if the thing didn't start and I ended up mowing the whole lawn that day....again I was dressed to the hilt..what's with that?

so i figure I have to plan on two days for the mowing of the lawn ...first one day to make me look and feel like an idiot trying to start the thing to no avail...and then the second day when I look good to go out and actually mow the lawn....LOL

Did you know's

2007-05-07T12:31:00.000-02:00

One of the things we are told to do in my job is to inject at least 3 "did you know's" into the conversation with a prospect while give a tour of the gym...this is to show that we are knowledgable about exercise & health....
Now I know all this...but am having problems slipping in the "did you knows" without sounding like an idiot...I've been given no less than 12 pages of "did you knows" to pick from...most of them repeat the same thing but I am working with them to get at least 12 "did you knows" that I can comfortably slip into a conversation...I figure if I practice them enuff it will eventually come easy to me...(one can always hope)
Here's what I've come up with so far (in no particular order)

DID YOU KNOW

that for every 6 pounds you lose, you lose 1 inch of f your waist (this is my favorite and I have used it several times, but it doesn't work too good when you are talking with a skinny person who only wants to tone up) (oh yeah...I know this one is true cause I figured it out from my weight loss and it worked out exactly...too coool!)

muscle is denser than fat..so altho you may not lose pounds while strength training you will lose inches and look thinner...

muscle burns more calories than fat...1 pound of lean muscle will burn 50 calories a day..(I'll take more muscle anyday)

it takes more than 8 hrs for a body to break down carbs. (Not sure what they are trying to say here...maybe eat less carbs...don't know if I'll use this one or not...besides the fact that I haven't been able to figure out how to slip it into a conversation yet)

Waiting for more than 4-5 hrs between meals will cause your blood sugar to bottom out. Leaving you weak, irritable & tired..

Sustained exercise increases your metabolic rate, so that you burn more calories not only during exercise but for several hours after you've stopped.

A study showed that in the course of a year of regular exercisers experience 25% fewer common colds than nonexercisers..

Proper exercise can & will improve your overall posture...

(for the guys) regular exercise can increase your sexual stamina, performance & desire...(I haven't used this one yet...waiting for the right moment...teehheheheh)

women who exercise regularly are 3 times less likely to suffer from depression..

resistance training will increase your body density & strength.

NOT GETTING ENUFF REST CAN HINDER FAT LOSS (I can attest to this one personally)

That's 12 but truthfully..I can only see myself using maybe a couple of them

here are a couple more that I think might work for me better (some of them come from blogs I've read)

Women will not "bulk up" with regular strength training without using steriods...

doing a 5 -10 min warm up doing cardio before will increase your muscle & joint flexibility.

properly stretching before strength training is recommended..improper stretching can cause muscle soreness & injury..

Exercise needs to be varied constantly or your body will adapt to the same movements and you will plateau

Intensity is more important than the number of sets when trying to get bigger & stronger..

you need to commit to working out at least 3 times a week...

****************

I start working regular? hours today..no more of this pushing myself to work 10-12 hrs a day with out a break....I have to take care of myself...altho my hours are not the normal 9-5 hrs (i'll be working 3pm - midnight, taking off Thurs & Fri)..I should be able to adjust and get a real life...the only thing I'm having a problem with is figuring out when to work out...I was thinking I could go to the gym in the morning and get a good work out but with the gas prices going up so high not sure I will be able to afford two hour trips a day...I'm thinking of going in a couple of hours early (say around noon) work out and then take a shower at the gym and get ready there...hey I'll aready be at work...not sure how this will work...I'm hoping to get some racquetball in with my partner on Thurs, Fri & Sat (at the old gym)...

The party last night was nice..I stuck to drinking only water and got home early (around 10:30 pm)..it wasn't the wild party that I've been doing lately but it was nice to sit around and visit with people who have the same interests that I do.. there wasn't as many people as I thought there would be. I felt bad for Don & Tuyet but they didn't seem to be bothered about it...They are such a nice couple..they met on a back packing trip a couple of years ago...in fact the first backpacking trip I did last fall was the Panthertown trip and they were on it (it was their one year anniversary trip)...I've been on a couple of trips with them and they have always been fun...i will miss them...but they are planning on having us all to Hawaii for a backpacking trip...this is one I won't miss...even if I have to put the whole trip on a credit card...
Oh yeah...one of the things we did last night was make our own sushi....it was interesting and there were lots of differant things to make them with.(mangos, smoked salmon, crab meat, avocados, celery, pickled ginger, lobster pieces..just to name a few)...so after we rolled our own and sliced them...we got to sample everyones....yummmy....it was fun...there was alot of Hawaiian foods there...I sampled a couple but didn't overdue it...can't remember the names of anything I tried..but the dessert was good...it was a coconut custard topped with strawberries.

I feel pretty good today...ready to get out there and show the world what I'm made out of....

Playing Catch UP

2007-05-06T12:53:00.000-02:00

so much and so little is happening in my life now that I sometimes feel like Life is out of Control...
Today I'm taking time for MYSELF and playing catch up on all the things I LIKE & Love to do...

I've become a Party Animal...ok..Truthfully...maybe I've always been one ...but it seems like lately all I do is work & Party...leaving no time for anything else...in the past 2 weeks I've gone on 1 date (the date from hell), a jazz festival at the park, three parties (I have another one to go to today, a going away party for some friends that backpack with me..they are moving to Hawaii...lucky people) and worked 120 hrs..haven't slept much and it's catching up with me.

WORK...I've been putting alot of hours into my job..We opened the new gym just this past week....it's freakin' beautiful...there are alot of new machines that I'm still trying to figure out how to adjust and use...I haven't had time (except for late one night) to really work out on all the machines and the new racquetball courts keep calling me but again I haven't had time to get in them..I'm still playing racquetball (but only about once a week) with my partners at the old gym (it's only a 15 min drive from the new gym) . I did show up for work yesterday (after partying all night...got in about 3:30 am) and realized I can't keep this up..I needed a day off soo bad...the problem is that in Sales if I miss work I don't earn money and right now I'm more broke than I have been since The Kid was first born...and believe me I was broke then...but I realized that I wasn't doing myself or my job any good the way I was...(dragging my ass) so I took the rest of the day and today off to regroup myself...I keep questioning myself that Sales is where I should be ...I like it but I don't really know if there is a "Future" for me in it...besides I'm up against some really young smart salesmen (who have been in the industry for years)...it's really a " dog eat dog" world and there are some hungry Wolves out there...so what I have to do is look at what I can bring to the table and work on making myself the best damn salesperson that LA Fitness ever saw...I know I can do it but not if I let myself get so wore down that I can't seem to think...I have to remember that I'm not in my 20's, 30,s or even 40's anymore and that i have to give myself time to regroup...I can't let myself get stressed and so worn down...I do need rest and relaxation....

I have been honored to be awarded a "Thinking Blogger Award" by #1 Niece and I know I need to pay it forward (which I will do soon) but first I want to get caught up on what everyone has been doing in the blogger world..it seems like I've been away forever..and there are so many blogs to read....

The Date from Hell......

2007-04-28T00:46:00.000-02:00

you'd think I'd learn my lesson but NO here I go again...

This is all The Kids fault ......This morning The Kid and I were talking on the phone about how negative and down I've been lately and I jokedly remarked that maybe I needed to go out on a date (and other things I can't mention here but use your imagination if you want...) because I've been in such a funk....

So I'm at work...we have doing presales in the parking area of the gym under a tent for the past 2 weeks and I've been talking to some of the guys on the construction site....anyway...one of the guys that I've been smiling at drove up. He seemed nice enuff...told me he was 50 yrs old, never been married and is looking for that love of his life....I know, I know the warning bells should have gone off right then and there and I should have quickly taken my self away from the area (like running fast in the opposite direction) but NOOOOO not me...when he asked me if I had any plans for tonight after work I foolishly told him no (remembering the conversation from this morning with The Kid)..so we made a date for dinner...

We ended up meeting at TGIF which is close to the presale center after 7 pm. He got there before me and I met him out front (he was smoking a cig..yech..but I figured It was just dinner so I would ignore it for now)...he's not bad looking...6'4" weighs about 200, has blond sandy colored short hair ( at least he had hair)...Nice teeth..(I learned he gets them cleaned once a week?) He had already gave his name for a table and had been told it would be at least 20 mins...so we decided to sit at the bar and have a drink (wine for me....iced tea for him because he's a recovering alcoholic who has found God)..I knew I was in trouble right away....this is me...the Agnostic!!!!
(Remember I'm blaming this ALL on The Kid and the conversation we had early this morning).

While at the bar a couple of guys I know from the gym I go to came in and we talked about if I was going to do the P'tree Race this year (which I'm not...I haven't been doing any races this year ....that just goes to show how much of a funk I'm in)...he seemed alright about it but did make the comment that he lets his women do whatever they want..(what does that mean?)

When my friends got called to their table, I mentioned to him that we had been waiting quite some time and that we had come in before my freinds..so he went to check how much longer it would take...found out that they had called his name but he hadn't told them we would be in the bar area..any way it only took a little while longer before we were seated at a table...

I went to read the menu when I realized I had dropped my eyeglass case at the bar (yes, I wear reading glasses..it comes with old age..lol) so I went back to the bar to find them...the bartender was wondering where we had gone since my date hadn't settled the bar bill (they do them separate from the meal) so i took the bill to him and asked that he pay it.. He proceeded to pull money out of his wallet and handed it to me and said "Sweetie (for some reason he kept calling me this all night...whoooaaaa) please take this to them because I don't want to go past that girl who didn't call us for our table when she should have"...OK...no big deal....I went and paid the bill....and came back...

I opened the menu and he tells me I can order anything I want (as if I wouldn't anyway) and that he thought he would order the steak & shrimp....sooo when the waitress comes and asks if we are ready I tell her yes and and proceeded to order the Mahi Mahi..she turns to my date and he says to me "Sweetie tell her what I want".....What the Hell? I just looked at him like he's crazy....and shook my head...luckily the waitress figured out just what he wanted..I think...he didn't want mashed potatoes because his "granny" made him eat them when he was young...so he finally settled on french fries (since they don't have baked potatoes)...

Meanwhile our conversation all night...not once does he ever ask me anything about myself but proceeds to tell me how great he is and how he has LOTS of monies...owns a place in FL and here in northern GA (but he's staying at a motel right now)...how he's work in Washington DC at the White House and etc..etc...etc....I think my eyes actually crossed...and I was having problems trying to hide my yawns....at one time he actually told me that when he saw me use the porta potty at the construction site one day he wanted to get me my own porta potty away from all the other ones....I told him I had no problem using the porta potties because I'm used to roughing it when I go backpacking and when I run races...I don't think he even heard me....

Finally dinner was done and I excused myself to go to the ladies room....while there I was trying to figure out who to call so they could call me and get me out of this date from hell....you know the signal...you have to leave now thing....but I decided that was the thing we only did when we were young and that I'm an adult now so I should act like one not like some teenager..sOOOOO

I get back to the table and I'll be damned if his phone didn't ring and a friend was at a bar and needed a ride Right away.....(good thing I didn't waste my time setting up the signal since he obviously had the same idea..TOOOO FuNNNY). OH Yeah.....just before I went to the ladies room I had told him that I liked living by myself and wasn't looking for someone to take care of me....hmmmmm ...

He did walk me out to my truck but no mention of another date was made (THANK GOD)...and the last I saw of him was him driving away in his van....I really don't think I have to worry seeing him at the site...I figure he'll run the other way....OH WELLL....

Do you think my prince is really out there? All I seem to be finding is the frogs!!!!

what the Heck?

2007-04-20T10:10:00.000-02:00

I wasn't able to blog yesterday....for some reason I could read blogs but I couldn't sign in on the Blogger....I tried to comment on Shelly's Blog and got kicked out and since then have had problems...not sure what happened but I won't give up this morning and HERE I AM...

More What the Heck? I weighed in this morning at 186...am I discouraged????...YOU BET but that doesn't mean that I'm going to give up...nope I'm just that much more determined to do this thing...there is NO WAY I'm going to let this thing beat me...I've done it before and I will do it again..(I've got a closet full of clothes that I can't wear right now to prove it)

And just what is my PLAN?

I've got my lunch/dinner packed for today...I will stick to eating healthy and not let myself get hungry....I've also packed an orange & snap peas for snacking....yummy....and lots of water!!!!!

If I have a bad day at work I will relieve that stress by going to the gym and then coming here...

Running late because of spending so much time trying to get here so got to run....Work awaits me... working out at the tent today...should be fun..wearing my running shoes. hmmmm ...maybe I'll take a run around the parking lot...I'll let you know...

I'm sooo screwed

2007-04-18T09:50:00.000-02:00

until I figure out why I do this and how to control myself...I will never stop.......

What am I talking about? Yesterday was a bad day for me at work....I know what I should have done to get the sales but I just couldn't seem to close one single sale...This is my job and I HAVE to get it down NOW...it doesn't do me any good to beat myself up about it but I need to learn what went wrong and how to fix it...AND DO IT RIGHT!!!!

so anyway I didn't go to the gym last night because it was late by the time I got out of work (this is an EXCUSE...I still could have gone it wasn't that late...8:30 and the gym stays open until 10) so I came home and instead of coming here to get out all of my frustrations...or even calling someone and talking to them...I ate my way through the night...I didn't stop even when I knew that I was full...I just kept eating....until I was so uncomfortable and then went to bed..I knew that if I ate sugar before bed I wouldn't sleep much (and I was right)...even that thought didn't stop me...(I know I should have thrown out the sugar the other day...I did put it way up in the cupboard but that didn't stop me last night).

So here I am this morning afraid to get on the scale and disgusted with myself....I know that IF I Don't figure out how to handle things emotionally I will never win this struggle with my weight...I will sabatoge myself and Right now I don't want that..but last night that part of me (EVIL EVA) that just wants the comfort (and food has always been that to me) won the fight.

Then too I ask myself...why didn't I at least come here and talk about it first before eating....the EXCUSE that I tried to tell myself last night and in the middle of the night is that I learned as a child NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT MY PROBLEMS.... not to bother people with my problems because they are just that MY PROBLEMS and no one wants to hear them...so I keep everything inside until it hurts...if I eat maybe it will take away that hurt...I can tell myself that it is only temporary and that I will feel worse after doing it....but truthfully I don't listen to that part of myself...I am too consumed with eating to listen to reason of any kind...it's like a frenzy...what can I eat next....OH I REALLY DO HAVE A PROBLEM....I have always been a sneak eater...never being honest with how much I really eat..which is weird because all you have to do is look at me to know that I have a problem with eating....that roll of fat around my middle tells the story...

Any way ....I know that there will be more times in my life that things don't go my way...days like yesterday will surely happen again...so how do I guard myself from Evil Eva?

Today I will get back on the track to eating healthy...not sure I can throw away that sugar..I'm not that strong...but I will put it in the freezer, or maybe pack it up and give it to "The Kid"...

Right now I have to go to work and Work on Closing those sales that I didn't close yesterday...I have a plan for that at least...hopefully it will work and I'll get back on track for that too....

Today will be a better day and I will conquer ALL

"Sue Shut UP"

2007-04-17T10:34:00.000-02:00

Have you ever met someone who just talks & talks and never listens...they just have to get their view out there and steam roll over everyone else. (like a car salesman)?
Well, Maybe I'm not that bad but at times but it seems like lately I've been too enthusiastic about my job...I love the gym and I totally believe in it and when I meet a new prospect I sometimes get a little carried away and spend WAY too long with that person...which is alright for now but once the club opens the first of May we will be too busy for that so I need to curb myself now...the guys at work & I have come up with a solution to let me know when I'm getting to wordy....they point a finger at me and say "SUE"...this is enuff for me to put the breaks on my tongue....it seems to be working...luckly I don't take any of this personal...

the Scale read 184.2 this morning...oh well, as long as it doesn't go up to 185 again I'm still ahead...I'm not discouraged...I know that getting on the scale everyday isn't the thing to do but I need to keep doing it or I will make excuses not to weigh myself when it is time....I know me and that is how I get myself into trouble...making excuses...

VA Tech.....I feel for all of the parents of the students that were killed or injured there yesterday....I remember the Texas incident back in 1966...I was just a teenager then and it was on the TV for days..nothing like that had ever happened before ....the whole country was in shock (just like now)....
It makes you stop and think what life can throw at you with no warning....

Need to catch up on some of my favorite blogs....then get ready for work...I'm working from 10 am to 8 pm today...long day but it's all good...

New Day

2007-04-16T10:09:00.000-02:00

I actually had a pretty good day yesterday.....Now to keep it up....that's the hard part...but I've always tried to live one day at a time...I just got off track for a while...but I feel that I'm back to my old self now....whew!

For now I'll be weighing myself each morning...just to keep me motivated...but the scale is such a funny thing....you just never can trust it...like this morning I weighed 183.4...now I know that I couldn't have lost 2.2 lbs in one day just by drinking more water so altho I'm happy to see the number go down I'm not getting excited about it....now once I get back down into the 170's I might start getting excited...

I'm working on "keeping my mouth SHUT" at work today...more on that later....

It's a NEW DAY and it's going to be a GREAT DAY....

Same day..just a couple of hours later

2007-04-15T09:48:00.000-02:00

I did it....I step on that scale (I told you I was going to work on it) ..it hurt but I survived....Was I shocked at what it said? Not really...I think that I knew in my mind and heart that it wasn't going to be good....I could tell when I put my pants on and that roll of fat acted like silly putty...you know...you make it skinny at the bottom but it hangs out all over the top...yep that's me....

The scale read 185.6 at 7 am today....so what am I going to do about it? Well, I will tell you this I'm not going to procrasinate or advoid it any more...no Siree...because I've got
The PLAN...and A Goal....

The Plan....I'm not going to diet and I'm not going to let the scale run my life (it's a tool to motivate me not to live by)...I've been doing this for 4 years now and I know what I should be eating and what I shouldn't (notice I didn't say can't) be eating...so back to the basics..time to clean the house of all the junk that I don't need...that mostly means the sugars that I started back on a couple of months ago....I know a little sugar won't hurt me..but I don't (notice I didn' t say can't) stop at just a little...so for this next couple of weeks....I'm cutting back on anything with sugar...It's a start...Carbs are my culprit...and altho a body does need some carbs...I've been doing the wrong carbs...so I'll work on that too...more fruit & veggies (which I like so that won't be hard) and I really need to work on eating more protein....

MY GOAL...is to get to 179 by the time we open the gym on May 1st...this is doable if I work at it that's only 6.5 lbs in two weeks.... now I know that a person is only suppose to lose 1-2 lbs a week...and I'll go to that after I lose this first 6.5 lbs..I haven't been drinking enuff water lately and I'm hoping by upping that I will lose some of the water weight (I hope some of this is water weight and not all just flabby fat).

Exercise....exercise and more exercise....I've been lax in that area lately too...I will find time to start running again....just not sure when...it can't be that hard....just have to DO IT...

Got to run & drink my protein drink & take my daily supplements (something I started back doing last week) then get dressed and go to work...Today is a NEW DAY for me and It's going to be a GREAT DAY!!!

ADVOIDANCE!!!!!!

2007-04-15T06:57:00.000-02:00

I'm sooo good at it..if I advoid doing something then I can't be held accountable for it ..right? Wrong...this is keeping me awake tonight and so I MADE myself get up out of bed and come here....

So just what have I been advoiding?
Pretty much everything beginning with my getting back to losing weight to cleaning my house & keeping my yard work up...even my truck is a mess..EVEN WORSE...I've been advoiding coming here ..Using the excuse that I don't want to whine or bore everyone......otherwise making excuses to myself and pretending that everything is just hunky dorky in my life....not that it's really bad just that I'm not doing what I really need to be doing.....SOOOO what am I going to do about it...I need to get off my duff and get my life back to the way I want it...

I need to COMMIT...(gawd how I hate that word)....NO MORE EXCUSES....starting today I begin all over and get control of my life again...

First...I need to come here at least 3 times a week if not daily even if it is only to write a couple of sentences...making myself accountable for what I'm doing really does help...So just bear with me until I get back in the habit of coming here and then I'm sure I'll get back to my old witty? self.

Second...I need to get back to eating healthy...get off all the junk food that I've been stuffing into my face...eat small regular meals 5xs a day...my excuse has been that I'm on the run alot with the new job but that will soon end once we open the new gym..which should be in 2 weeks..yay! But I'm not going to use that excuse..there are people out there that have jobs that are worse than mine and they don't eat crazy like I have been....I could list so many reasons I have been giving myself for why I eat that bag of pretzels rather than a piece of fruit...i start off with good intentions...even to buying the fruit but eating that and the other junk food that I've been buying....well...NO MORE...(Friday the 13th...I couldn't get my size 10 pants that I love to snap...this is not good)..I'm not going to bore ya'll with what I eat..I'll just come here and report that I am on PLAN....I'm being positive here.....
I've been ADVOIDING getting on the scale..I know that I'm up over 180 again...and I have to tell you that I'm still not ready to get on it and see the truth...call me a chicken..I AM...this one is the hardest for me right now....I keep telling myself that it can't be that bad..and I don't want to start my day off being discouraged....I need an attitude adjustment on this one (I'm working on it honest!)

Third...my house & yard...I took today off from work...(actually I was suppose to go on a backpacking trip to the Smokies but it got cancelled due to the weather we are having here)..and I actually mowed my lawn...I've been using the excuse that I couldn't get my lawnmower started..so this morning I decided to give it one more try and if it didn't start then I would take it to Sears for it's yearly tune up...yay..it started so I mowed the whole yard, pulled weeds, trimmed the privets and blowed off the drive way just in time for the rain to do it's work...I forget how much I love this yard that Lar & I worked on so hard for many years..I've let it go for so long that I think the neighbors thought I had moved (haha)...
I love my house but lately I haven't been keeping it as clean as I like...usually I have no problem picking up after myself...but when I looked around at my house this afternoon it was a wake up call for me at how much I've let things go....I'm not a fanatic about being clean but I do like everything in its place...

whoa..this is about as much of this serious thinking that I can handle for now.....I'm going back into my nice warm bed and get a couple of more hours of sleep before going back to work (today's going to be a great day for Me)...this post is mostly for me.....it seems like over the years I have needed to actually write the words to make myself commit...way to easy to go back on those good intentions if you don't see it written in words....Making myself accountable is HARD...

What Happened?

2007-03-27T11:08:00.000-02:00

I see that my post on my manager didn't get published....well, he's still a "dick" so I'm posting it now.... note....VP never did get back with me...probably a good thing....

I've been sick with what I thought at first was allergies but I think it's turned into something else now..(I've got a congested chest, runny nose & yesterday I had diahrrea, in other words I'm just plain sick..yech..I hate it). I did come home yesterday and rested...I still feel like sh*t but since I don't have sick leave and I need the monies I'm dragging myself off to work this morning....I work till 8 tonight and I usually go to the gym for my workout with weights but I think I will probably pass on that tonight...

My weight isn't good...still struggling to lose the 15 pounds I gained when I wasn't working...my hours are so weird that I can't seem to get on a schedule with my foods or my exercise...hopefully when the gym actually gets open (at the end of April) I will be able to get myself under control..

My social life is as busy as possible working around my work schedule...but NO dating right now...I'm pretty much giving it up..too much work and to many dissapointments......I did go out a couple of weekends ago with some friends from my hiking/backpacking group...we had a blast. And I'm going to a party this weekend with the same group....no one special just a fun group...and on the 6th I'm going to a Jazz Festival with my old crowd that I just haven't had time for lately...

Just had a big coughing fit so now my chest hurts like hell....shit...why can't I have someone to take care of me....Moaning Mona

the Worlds Worst General Manager

2007-03-22T10:51:00.000-02:00

is what I am stuck with at work right now...in the three months that I have been working this is my third manager...the first just didn't show up to work after on my third day...no one seems to know what happened to him....my second was a guy I know from the gym that I workout at...Eugene...he lasted 2 weeks before they brought the Jimbo on board...Jimbo brags that he was the top salesman for our competitor....we found out that he only worked for them 4 months before he got Fired....whooooaaaa...you would think someone in upper management would have caught on to that lil tidbit....The man drives me crazy...he's on some kind of anti depressant drug and drinks Rockstar all day...so is constantly moving around..talk about jittery....and he NEVER shuts up....He thinks he's MR. Smooth....and better than everyone that he works with....I could go on forever about him and all of his faults...I haven't been able to find any thing GOOD about him yet..(can you tell I really don't like him?) but I really want to vent about the incident that happened yesterday before I have to go to work and face him today....hopefully it will calm me down somewhat so I can function with out "taking him out with my fists"..whooooaaa were did that come from....

Yesterday Jimbo lost me a sale....right now I haven't gotten that many to be letting any slip away from me....A good friend of mine had called me and told me that one of the girls that she works with wanted to join the club...so I went over to where she works and talked with "B"...we spoke for awhile...I found out what she was looking for in a club...decided which plan would be the best for her...she wanted to see just what she was getting for her money (I had the sale at this point) so I invited her to our preview center where I could show her the pictures & DVD after she got off work....Well....she comes in and I am finishing up another sale and asked her to wait just a few minutes..she was fine with this....but NOT JIMBO....he comes sassshaying over...introduces himself as the GM and starts drilling her about where she works and if she would give him her managers/owners name so he can set up a Corporate account and get her a better price than the one I gave her...now understand he doesn't even know WHAT price I gave her at this point...needless to say by the time I got done with my new members, she was having second thoughts about joining...she told me she was uncomfortable with him asking for her managers number and she would have "check with her husband" about joining...I will go back to her today and try to salvage the damage that Jimbo did yesterday ....but I have to tell you this is not the first time he has done this to me..and I've had enuff....

Last night I put a call into the District Vice President who actually hired me and asked that we have a Private conversation today....at this point I'm not sure just what I am going to say ...I really don't like "tattling" on anyone and I always try to work out any problems I have on my own...but damn it ...this man is costing me money since I only get paid on commission....

I really like the job...just hate the manager...I keep telling the guys (the other 2 salesman that I have worked with since the beginning) that it could be worse...I just don't know how...

More later

Sorry I've been MIA

2007-03-16T10:17:00.000-02:00

Whoa...I can't believe it's been almost 2 months since I've blogged....things have been happening....some good...some bad...that's life....but time just got away from me...

Thanks Suzann for checking on me....I'm doing good...busy but still hangin' in there...

Work has been interesting to say the least...Yes... I still have the same job in Sales for the fitness center...some days I love it (like yesterday which was a VERY good day for me) and some days I think..."What am I doing?" but then I think all jobs are like that...I'm working a presale..that means that our gym isn't open yet..they are still building it... but it looks like it will open the first part of May..so I just have to hang in there until then...it's hard to sell something people can't use right away...soooo I'm not making alot of monies but the potenial is there once it opens...
I've had three differant managers in the short time I've been there.....and it looks like the third one is on his way out too...2 of the 6 guys I began with are gone...(they quit when this last manager started....maybe they knew something?). It's a challenge but I've always like challenges and I really do like the work...so I'm hanging in there no matter what...I've never been a quitter anyway..

One of the main reasons I haven't blogged in a while is that my computer crashed on me...#1 Niece thinks my "mother board was fried" so I had to get a new computer....I just got it all up and back on line this week....I never knew how much I depend on having a computer...I had a Gateway that Lar & bought years ago...and had been having lots of problems with it the last couple of years ....so I knew it was time to get a new one....just was hopin' it would wait until I was making more monies...but that is never how it goes..is it? oh well...now I have a nice new pretty computer and hopefully I won't have anymore problems with it...

I haven't had time to read all my favorite bloggs....working 10 hrs a day...
No time for hiking either...although I am doing one this Sunday..my first in over a month...

Dating.....I'll have to come back another time and talk about that...don't have time this morning since I have to get to work soon...No there is no one special in my life..but have had a couple of interesting prospects....mostly they didn't work out.....stay tuned for that story later....heehehhe.

I'll be back when I have more time....

3rd day on the new job!!!

2007-01-19T11:54:00.000-02:00

Well..the good news is I made it past the 2nd day...(unlike the last job...LOL) and I really like it..I've got a lot to learn but the guys I'm working with are all so nice.

I'm working with 6 guys..all under the age of 40...now how could a girl complain about that...the good thing is 4 of them work out at the gym...a couple are Personal Trainers but only one of those works out the the gym...he is going to help me tweak my program and spot me to make sure that my form is right...Now how nice is that....
Funny thing happened yesterday...Adam is the youngest salesman (he's in his early 20's) and really hadn't said much to me until we (the group) were talking about the gym...he mentioned his Dad worked out at the gym , so I asked who his Dad was and he decribed him..and I said "is your dad Ed who workes out with Marcel and Allan?" Totally floored him because I know his Dad, talk to him at the gym all of the time...now he is all friendly to me...goes to show it helps to know peoples....teeheee....

Well...I'm off to work...(man does that ever sound good to me) and then I've got a "Girls Out" party tonight....I'll work again tommorow (which is alright with me) and then I've got another party to go to ....busy, busy...I love it!!!

More later on the job!!!!

Oh yeah...I'm down to 176 this morning ...WHOOOHOOOO... 169 here I come!! and then watch out....I can see my Ultimate Goal of 149 on the horizon....

I am now EMPLOYED!!!

2007-01-16T22:08:00.000-02:00

Yep...I got a job and I start tommorrow...whooohoooo....

I decided that I didn't have the skills or motivation that were needed for an office job so I decided to put to use the one thing that everyone says I have...Personality....and do something totally differant than I have ever done before....yep..I went out and got a job in sales...I am now a Sales Counselor for LA Fitness...

It will be a lot of work and long hours at first until I get trained and am as good as Eugene..the top salesman ....but I know I can do this...I'm sure I'll get discouraged and hate it at times but what the heck..I would any job I got..so I might as well be in an environment that I love..And I always love being at the gym...

It's commission and so how much I earn is up to how much I want it...and how hard I work at it...
I think I have a lot to bring to the company...and so did the Vice President of the Georgia Region who hired me today...

And I get FREE membership to the gym!!!

I'll have to work extra hard on losing this weight because all of my clothes are wrong for this position and I have to go out and buy new ones....and ya'll know how I hate buying new clothes... NOT.....I think I get to hold it off on my taxes...

I'm on my way out to dinner with a friend from the gym to celebrate..good thing about her is that she eats healthy too...she used to be a super model...so I don't have to worry about overdoing it on the food or drinks...just enjoy good company...

Thank you all for your support in my struggle...
A NEW LIFE begins again for me...

Thanks for your comments!!!

2007-01-11T17:22:00.000-02:00

For some strange reason My Blogger won't publish my comments back to you...so I guess we'll go this route...here's what I tried to comment back to ya'll.

Chris, I can tell you have never heard me sing LOL...my favorite song is Crazy by Gnarles Barkley but for some reason I don't think that's what you meant. It's a good idea but I can never remember the words to any song...I'm lucky to remember the tunes much less the words...I think I'm missing that gene...My Mom is a singer and it seems that none of us kids got the gene....luckily my daughter and #1 Niece both are good with songs. If I see the words written then I might be able to remember them but not just by hearing a song...no matter how many times I hear it...

Suzann..again thanks for the encouragement...
It's not like I haven't thought of lots of things to write here..it's just that they all seem so depressing lately..and I like to keep things on the positive side..plus for some reason I had problems getting into blogger the last couple of days...
I wondered what that warm feeling I was getting lately..glad it was you thinking about me and not just hot flashes LOL...
Sue

note...I see blogger finally did publish...oh well since I did add some more to it..i'm goin' leave it as is...
Funny thing this blogger.....

What makes a person a SUCCESS?

2007-01-11T12:01:00.000-02:00

Since I've been out of work I had an ongoing fight with Evil Eva who keeps telling me how worthless I am...that I am a total failure in life...here I am almost 57 years old and what do I have to show for it?

I have no education. I did make it to my senior year in high school but didn't graduate..I got my GED after my son died. Most of the jobs I'm applying for require a bachelor's degree...at least the ones that pay the type of monies I would like to be making...I know that I'm not a dummy...I have at least a thousand books in my house...am always reading something. I know that education is very important to make it in this world now a days but can someone make it without it? A dream of mine has always been to go back to school and I even checked it out once but even with the Hope Grant I didn't qualify and to tell the truth I'm scared to death that I'm really not smart enough or that my memory isn't good enuff to learn...Can a person be a SUCCESS without a formal education?

I have never traveled out of the states...never been off the mainland. Until this past year this never really bothered me but It seems like most of the people I meet here lately have all traveled to some country...or are planning on it..This takes Monies and Time..which I don't seem to have....Does being well traveled make one a SUCCESS? I'm actually more interested in seeing and learning more about my own country...there are so many places here in the states that I still want to see...

I don't live in a fancy house with expensive furniture like most of my new freinds ....but I do live in a house that I like..it may not be fancy but it is the only house I've ever lived in that I own...and I love this house..It's a nice neighborhood...it fits me..it has a lot of good memories of Larry in it...I know if I had the monies I could fix it up, put new carpet, redo the kitchen cabinets, buy new living room furniture, etc ...and I do dream of doing all that but I don't want to go into debt to do it...Does where and how you live make you a SUCCESS?

I don't wear designer clothes...although I think I dress better now than I ever have in my life ...I still wouldn't ever pay $700 for a pair of pants..I saw this on Ophra the other day...I know that you get what you pay for...and I have freinds who don't think twice about spending alot of monies on clothes...and I mean alot..like in the thousands...and I would love to be able to walk into a upscale clothing store and buy at least one name brand outfit..but I won't go into debt to to that..Does what you wear make you a SUCCESS?

Up to a couple of months ago if someone asked me if I felt like I was a success in life..I would have said YES..without hesitation...to me Success means that I have lived my life to the fullest, the best that I could..I married a great man and lived a happy life with him...I was able to be with him until the end... I brought up a beautiful daughter who is a great person and a wonderful Mom herself...and I've always given my all to what ever job I held...I've taken some hard knocks in life but have always been able to get back up on my feet and keep going...

The Webster's Dictionary says this: Success.. a : degree or measure of succeeding b : favorable or desired outcome; also : the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence.

So do I need SUCCESS to be happy? I don't know...but I sure wish I had some right now in getting a job....I wish I knew how to get the confidance back that I had before this job thing came up...I miss the feeling that I can do anything I set my mind too....I just don't know how to get it back...I don't know how to shut Evil Eva up...slowly but surely she is starting to wear me down..
I went on an interview for a job on Tuesday and instead of going in feeling like I could do anything..like I did when I went on that interview for Pella Windows (the job that only lasted for 2 days) I don't feel that I gave it my all and made a good impression..(I still haven't heard back from them).
I can't do anything about that now but I need to change things around before my next interview with whoever...I know that something will come my way...but it had better happen pretty soon...

I'm thinking about advertising on my blog to make some monies...but not sure if that many people really read me to make a differance and I've always disliked all that extra junk on the blogs altho I understand why people do it..it's just that I like things neat...just thinking about paying my bills...yech...

Christmas

2006-12-26T13:12:00.000-02:00

So my Christmas actually started on Saturday ..when I went to the Cirque Du Soleil with #1 Niece, Jack (her hubby), The Boy, #2 Niece (#1 Niece made her come...and I'm glad I don't get to see her nearly enuff), The Kid and hubby Billy, #1 Niece's MIL & BIL, SIL & Hubby, Stacy and Lisa (both friends of #1 Niece & The Kid) , Lisa's Hubby John and their daughter Shelby..oh yeah Lisa's Mom was there too...so it was quite a crowd...The show was probably my favorite of all the ones we've gone to see.... I loved the music and the acrobats were really good (as always)...I could actually follow this story line (not always the case with the other ones we've gone to)..It had everything from little people to giants....good looking young guys in tights and lots of angels.....if you haven't ever seen one of the Cirque Du Soleil shows you really need to make an effort... It's something special... Thank You #1 Niece again for giving me a ticket to go...

Sunday I got up early and went to the gym and worked out again with Debra & Paige...we worked legs this time and again I pushed myself...felt good when I left... Went home and cleaned the house and got ready for the family to come over. This year I didn't make dinner but asked each girl to bring a dessert or snack to go along with the cookies I baked ...I made a hot cider drink (with rum) to drink..it's a drink I usually have when I'm backpacking and it's cold...everyone likes it...
and we ended up with lots of goodies to eat...
Usually I go all out and buy the grandkids lots of presents and then can't remember what I got them...this year I only bought each one of them one present and a small bag of goodies that they get when they arrive to tide them over until we actually open presents..but first we eat goodies. The Boy read The Christmas Story...I do think it's important that kids understand why we have Christmas...and it's become a tradition that someone reads the story before we open presents...
It's soo much fun to watch the little ones open their presents.. they each have their own personality and talents....The Boy (#1 Nieces son) and Bubba (my grandson) are 9 months apart (the Boy being the oldest) at 8 they are getting so grown up but the little boys in them comes out when they are together...one of their favorite things is to wrestle. I love watching them.. then there are the girls...Lil Bit (my granddaughter) & Mini MeMe (#1 Niece's daughter) are 6 months apart, Lil Bit being the oldest and are all girls..it's fun to watch the four of them together...I think they had a good time and seemed to like all of their presents...and not mind that they didn't get as much as they have in the past..in fact they were able to play with what they did get more....

Altho we said NO Presents for the adults....I gave the girls (#1 Niece & The Kid) a picture frame with the picture that was taken of them together when they were 7 & 5 years old..in it they are both wearing matching pink dresses and look soo sweet..I just realized lately that they don't have many pictures of themselves when they were little...so I went to the CVS and made copies and framed them...They seemed to like the pictures....I thought they turned out good..

AND The Kid gave me a gift certificate to WalMart (which will come in handy) and #1 Niece gave me a gift certificate to REI (so much for no presents for the adults)...and my freinds Debra & Paige gave me a gift certificate to Dick's Sports..so I'm all taken care of for a while ....
Bubba gave me a really neat necklace that says GRANDMOTHER ROCKS which I really like.
When the kids left I had them take most of the goodies with them...I did keep the nuts and a few cookies (which are already gone). It was a good night...

Christmas Morning...I woke up and could barely move...every muscle in the lower part of my body was screaming...I rolled out of bed and then had the torture of trying to sit on the toliet..I knew I shouldn't have done all of those lunges...(it's the getting down that kills me) they get me everytime...Then I made the mistake of standing on the scale....oh my Gawd..I now weigh 183 pounds....ok..it's not the end of the world...I can lose this extra weight...I will not cry..I will not give up...so I go into the kitchen to feed Spot & Rover (Rover was not acting right the night before) and BOTH of them were floating at the top of the bowl....How sad is that ....both my fish died on Christmas Day...I can't even keep pets alive...now I'm really feeling sorry for myself....I fixed myself a couple of waffles with blueberry syrup...and a big cup of Hot French Vanilla Chocolate to soothe myself....then I finished off all of the cookies that were left from the night before...and was looking around for more to eat...The Kid had invited me over to their house for Christmas Dinner but I truly feel that is their day and didn't want to go...so decided that I would treat myself and get out of the house and go see a movie...I've been wanting to see Aragon..I read the book when it first came out and was interested to see just how much of the book they could put into a movie...It always surprises me to see how many people actually go to the movies on a holiday....The movie was alright...definately not as good as the book and I probably won't go see the next one altho I have read that book and am looking forward the to the third one...I don't know if I would actually recommend the movie...but then I never like the movies as well as the book...it was a rainy depressing day but I got through it..
I watched a movie last night on tv with Linda Hamilton who is a housewife who gets dumped by her husband of 23 years for a 27 yr old personal trainer and ends up being homeless and has to live in her car.(while still wearing her designer clothes and looking really good).. and of course she meets this really gorgeous hunk and everything works out for her....So why can't my life be like the movie? I know, I know....if I looked like Linda Hamilton then I won't be where I'm at today....
I go back and forth being depressed and boosting myself up....I know what I have to do to get this extra weight off and to find a job..it's just the doing it that's HARD...

Any HOoooo..Christmas is over...Today's The Boy's birthday...he's 9 yrs old..how time flies and I will be going over to #1 Nieces this afternoon...
I'm still muscle sore today..but at least I don't move like an old granny...it's still gray and dreary out ...but I'm going to treat myself with a spinach salad and salmon with crabmeat stuffing...then go over to #1 Nieces and visit with some good people...

I hope ya'll Christmas was the best....

It's a good day.....

2006-12-23T16:32:00.000-02:00

Yep, I started off the morning by getting up and going to the gym early...the racquetball game was scheduled for 10 am but I decided to get there early and work out a bit...
After stretching I saw my friends Debra & Paige working out at the free weights for the shoulders and chest...now shoulders is something I have been REAL slack on..in fact I hardly ever do shoulders so I decided I needed to change up and get with the act...so I asked them if I could work out with them...they were glad to let me especially Paige she said it gives her more time to rest between sets....Debra works out 2 times a week with DJ a really tough Personal Trainer who I really admire...he's one of the few at the gym that really knows what he is doing...she is working on getting ripped...she's already skinny so she doesn't need to lose any weight but she wants those muscles to show...so she's a tough one to work out with...after working out with her this morning I realized just what poor shape I really am in but plan to change that now....WE are going to work out on legs tomorrow...ohhhhnnooooo....I CAN DO This....
Afer working out we played three games of racquetball and I really pushed myself...didn't win but worked up a good sweat...then I did some abs with some guys I know ...so I am feeling pretty darn good about my self...Still way too Fat...I can especially see it when I look in the mirror at the gym standing next to Debra...she's probably a size 0....but hey I've got to start somewhere...and truthfully I know I will never be as small as Debra but I don't want to be as big as I am now...
I'm off to take a shower and spend lots of time on my hair for tonight....I need to look good not just for the family but for ME...

Oh yeah....my cuz in Colorado sent me this funny email today...too funny...
ALERT

ATTENTION

ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL THE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY PEOPLE.

YOU WILL BE SAFE; I'M JUST EMAILING TO SAY GOODBYE

WOE IS ME!!!

2006-12-22T22:54:00.000-02:00

I'm still sick with this junk..now it's moving down into my chest and my throat is still scratchy...yech...I'm tired of this and want it to just go away...
I even stayed away from the gym for three days and only played racquetball and did a few abs (which made me sick to my stomach) at the gym today...and I feel SO FREAKIN' FAT and out of shape...like if I was to try to do a complete workout I wouldn't be able to move....
No hiking again this weekend..but I did sign up for a day hike on the 7th...so I HAVE to keep myself in shape...
I'm sitting here in my work out pants and shirt because all of my jeans feel too tight on me tonight (and yes I got rid of all bigger pants a long time ago)...I'm afraid to get on the scale because if it says I weigh more than 178 who knows what I will do...
Did you ever wonder how those really obese people got that way?..you know the ones that weigh over 300 pounds...well I think it happened one pound at time...they snuck up on them and then one day they looked in the mirror and didn't know how they got there...I don't want that to happen to me again...and if I don't get off this roller coaster I've been on this past month it's a good possibility that is where I am headed.....GET ME OFF NOW!!!!

Yesterday Me & Betty Crocker baked cookies...something I haven't done in more than 3 years...the only cookie cutter I could find (I think I got rid of all the rest) was one lil snowman...so that is what I made...I used Betty Crocker sugar cookie mix and added almond...then made almond frosting (from scratch) and they didn't look too bad until I decided to melt some chocolate and give them eyes, nose, mouth & buttons...now they look like bad ghosts....oh well... the few that I had were good. My excuse for baking again is that I needed something for Christmas Eve for the kids when they come over.....
Oh yeah...I now have sugar in my house...still no flour....and I've got to get rid of the sugar because I have no Will Power when it comes to sugar...especially when I'm home all day...and it gives me such heartburn..something I haven't had to deal with over 2 years and now it's back again....you'd think I'd learn....

I've eaten so much Junk lately that I've made myself sick to my stomach....it feels like it is pushing out and does that stop me from eating more....nope...

It's like I have this ache (and I'm not talking about the heartburn) and I keep thinking that if I eat it will go away...It doesn't...I hate it...and I don't like myself too much lately...and it shows....
I'm hoping it's I'm feeling this way tonight just because I'm not feeling good...
Since I was at the gym this morning, I didn't go tonight...I find it getting easier to make excuses not to go to the gym...like it's raining...i don't feel good...it's so far to drive just for an hour workout...etc.etc etc..and I worry about that...because that is the only thing that has been keeping me sane (going to the gym) this past month...most days it's the only time I get out of the house and see people I know..(damn that sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself..I really need to snap out of this).
I am going in the morning to play racquetball and will talk myself into doing a workout if my chest is feeling better...hopefully they will have the hot tub fixed and maybe I'll treat myself to a nice hot soak and then the sauna....

Tomorrow night we (the family) are all going to the Cirque Du Soleil...#1 Niece's Christmas present to me...something she has done for me for the past few years..Is she not the greatest niece in the world...and she's cute!!!! Ya got to love her...

I guess I'll go back to my second favorite thing to do and see what Christmas show is on tonight...I think I've about read every Christmas book (and that's quite a few as I seem to like to collect them) I have in the house and watch about every Christmas show on tv that there is ...some of them twice....it's weird I'm in the Christmas mood as long as I'm reading or watching but as soon as I'm back in the real world I'm just depressed about it all...the real world seems to be such a let down this year..

Can I take a sick day even if I'm not working?

2006-12-18T12:05:00.000-02:00

I woke up in the middle of the night with a scratchy throat...and then when The Kid called me & woke me up this I was all stuffed up...my throat hurts, I'm all sneezy, my ears hurt....geez even my eyes hurt......Moanin' Mona is having a "hay day" (whatever that means?).... I DON'T like it!!!

OK...sooo this is what happens when I don't take my vitamins & supplements everyday like I know I should....I have been real irregular with taking them since I've been out of work...I've been letting Evil Eva convince me that it's too expensive to take them everyday and I really don't need them since I'm not doing anything....Well I've noticed that I'm alot stiffer in my joints lately ...so I've been trying to take my TriFlex everyday even if I don't take all the other supplements & my womens vitamin...And now here I am SICK....

Oh WOE is me....NOT....I will not give into Moanin' Mona or Evil Eva...I will get back to being the old me....but first I think I'll take a sick day.....Achooooo...damn!

I'm Trying, I'm trying!!!

2006-12-17T23:57:00.000-02:00

Christmas is only a week away and this time next week I will be holding our annual Christmas Eve at my house....I'm sooo not in the mood this year...
I hate to think that all Christmas is is about the gifts...the gift giving and getting...because I'm still not working and trying to watch my monies I've only bought the grandkids one present each and you can't believe how hard this is for me...I see so many little things I would love to buy for them but it all adds up so fast...and I know that they don't really need them...it's just that I love shopping and picking out just the right gift for each child and watching them when they open the gift...I guess this year they will just have to be satisfied with getting all my love....it probably bothers me more than it will the kids...all four of them are soooo good.

And it's really hard to get in the mood when it's 70 plus outside...yesterday I went running at the park, first time in over two months, in my sleeveless shirt....it was freakin' hot...also I have to tell you that it wasn't a good run...I ended up walking part of the three miles... I had planned on doing six miles but ran out of time since I had to go home, get cleaned up to go get my hair done....Getting my hair done when I don't know when I will actually get a job is an extravagance (I could have used that money to buy the GrandKids more presents) that I probably shouldn't have given into...but I tell my self I have to look good just in case I actually get a job interview...I mean who would hire a old gray haired woman...well, it isn't actually gray but it sure was gettng dull and gray at the roots.. anyhoooo....it looks really good today...I'm real happy about the color and for the first time in quite a while I feel good about how I look today...

OH MY GAWD!!!!

2006-12-14T15:35:00.000-02:00

I'm older than Santa......yep...I went back and checked out his profile on mySpace and he's only 50 years old....
How the Hell did that happen? Ok maybe he's just a young Santa....altho he does have white hair and beard....I'm thinking maybe he gets it colored for the Holidays....anyway no word back from him yet...He probably saw my age and figured I'm TOO old....OMG...I'm too old for SANTA....I think I will go back to bed....

Would you date Santa?

2006-12-11T14:18:00.000-02:00

Last night I was strolling around in mySpace...just looking at the guys...what better thing to do on a Sunday night...when all of a sudden a picture of Santa popped up....yep...he's the Southern Santa...and he is a professional Santa...has his own website and all...www.southernsanta.com...
He's been divorced for 5 years and just bought a Harley...For some reason...I think he would be a HOOT to know...I mean after all....He's SANTA...and who hasn't had a fantasy about truly knowing Santa...OK, OK...truthfully I have never really thought about it ...but now I am....I emailed him...lets see if he actually contacts me back....oh I know he's busy at this time of the year what with it being Christmas and all.....but maybe after the first of the year....hmmmm.

Wonder what Santa would give me if I was a REALLY REALLY good girl?....evil laugh here....

Forbidden Food

2006-12-10T20:44:00.000-02:00

Yesterday I noticed a recipe on my box of Rice Dream Milk for Bread Pudding....this brought back memories of when I was a kid....My Mom, a single mother of 4 kids in the 50's, would fix herself a big bowl of Bread Pudding and eat the whole thing by herself...and NONE of us kids got even a bite...I remember wanting some of that pudding soooo bad but it just wasn't ever to be...I'm not sure why she did this...To be fair to my Mom, I truly don't think she did it to be mean...I know that there was never much food for us back then...we were on Welfare and this was before food stamps..and I look at pictures of my Mom back then and realize how skinny she was..I know she went hungry alot so us kids could have something to eat ..I could probably ask her but I'm not sure she remembers doing that, if in fact my memory is real...I find that some of my memories of when I grew up are different from any one else's...like my older sister will remember the same incident that I do but her memories are totally different..I guess because what was important to her was different from what was important to me...anyhoooooo..... I realized yesterday that I have NEVER fixed bread pudding for myself in all the years that I've been baking....and now it's too late because I don't have bread in the house...but I do find myself wanting to try the recipe just to see if it would be as good as I always imagined...oh yeah, I've had bread pudding at restaurants, one in particular was in New Orleans with Lar...man it was soo good...but it didn't look like the bread pudding my Mom made...this bread pudding she made was all brown crusty and she would pour milk over it...she always used day old bread and lots of eggs & sugar...I did ask her for her recipe once (a long time ago) and she did give it to me...but I never fixed it because for some reason in my mind it is still FORBIDDEN Food...

Is my luck changing yet?

2006-12-09T11:48:00.000-02:00

Nope...but I'm getting closer....I did buy a couple of lottery tickets last night on my way to the gym....and out of the two tickets I got 2 numbers that were drawn....not good enuff to even get the $2 back that I spent but at least I got 2 numbers ...that's better than the last time I bought one.. We'll see how I do on the drawing tonight...I bought 3 tickets for the Win for Life..that's the one you get $1000 a week for life...I don't want to be greedy here...I just want to have enuff monies to live the way I dream...but then who doesn't...

I'm on my way to the gym this morning...first time I've hit it on Saturday in a LONG time...don't have a racquetball game but thought I would run on the treadmill since it's a freakin' 19 degrees here outside....brrrrrrr....maybe I'll take my suit and hit the hot tub...I can't remember the last time I did that....might be just what this ole body needs...It seems weird not to have a hike to go on...looks like my next one will be just a day hike on the 17th with "B Alright"...I've gone on 3 hikes with him before and he's a crack up....

After the gym I'm going to go pick up Lil Bit so her Mom and Dad can go Christmas shopping...not quite sure what we are going to spend the day doing but I'm sure we'll have fun..

Oh yeah, I weighed myself this morning and I'm down 1 1/2 pounds from the other day....whew....had me worried there for a minute...but I KNOW that I can get back on track and lose this ugly 10 pounds I've gained...Not doing too bad on the eating...not totally clean yet but working hard on it...eating lots of veggies....haven't made it to the store yet to buy some fresh fruit...kinda holding off on going until I absolutely have to (I still have 4 eggs left in the fridge)...figure I will eat all the food in the house, even the stuff I'm not sure why I ever bought....like the frozen brocolli w cheese?...I love brocolli but why ruin it by putting cheese on it..I figure Evil Eva was shopping that day...the good thing is it comes in 4 individual serving trays that you can micro wave...one down ...three more to go....yech...and don't forget the Frozen Apple Walnut Bread...it comes in 4 mini loaves that you microwave...I still have 2 of those to do....so what if they're 100% whole grain with 0g trans fat they are still 200 calories each...that's about 3 bites....but then I've been putting a big pat of butter on and that is probably a million more calories....hmmmm wonder why I put on this extra weight?
and why ever would I buy Organic Mushroom soup that taste like paste? I need to figure out a way to disguise the taste on this one..hmmm...thinking here....

Still Here

2006-12-08T14:44:00.000-02:00

and playing around with my blog...I like this look but am afraid that Kyra will think that I'm copying her.....altho I don't have the fancy art work at the top...
Decided I didn't like the look that I settled for yesterday....kinda missin' the pink...but am determined to get it right for me....
Still having troubles with this old computer of mine ...it keeps erroring out on me when I try to make changes...
If I ever win the lottery one of the first things I'm going to do is get a new compter system....that is after I buy myself that sporty convertible, go on a cruise, buy me lots of new shoes (not on sale)....LOL....maybe I need to go out and buy a ticket today....let's see how much money I have in the ole piggy bank...

New Day...New Look!!!

2006-12-07T13:38:00.000-02:00

I upgraded my Blog..they've been sending me notices for awhile now and I decided to take the chance...and since I did that I decided to update my look of my blog too...was getting tired of the pink....not sure if I'm going to keep this look...got more options but for now it'll do....
What do you think?

I just realized all my links are gone....Damn...now I've got to figure out how to get them all back....always something..Sorry.if i didn't get your link on..just send me a comment and I'll be glad to add it.

WAKE UP CALL!!!

2006-12-07T11:41:00.000-02:00

So I basically knew that my eating has been out of control this past month and altho I've been going to the gym and doing all this hiking... my exercise really hasn't been what I know it needs to be....this fact came to me last night as I half heartly did some work out for my back at the gym before playing racquetball....I went to do pull ups and couldn't do them at the weights I had previously been doing them....in fact I barely could do them at all...I felt like I was wearing a loaded backpack on my back....I knew then that I had gained some weight back ...how could I not...the way I've been eating....LOTS of carbs....and not the good carbs...sugar..sugar... and more sugar...(my downfall)..not much protien..sure I've been eating the Zone Perfect bars....I love the Fudge Graham ones..and they say they have 16g of protein, 19 vitamins & minerals and it's all natural...but if you look at the nutrition facts it also will tell you that it has 14 g of sugar...is 210 calories for one bar...which is probably alright when a person only eats one occasionally...but not me I've been eating them like candy bars...and I haven't been doing my protein drink with my supplements/vitamins in the morning regularly...and boy can I tell... I've been avoiding weighing myself on the scale..I guess in my mind I KNEW I was gaining weight back but I kept telling myself that since I wasn't eating at McDee's or eating potato chips or all that junk that I used to that it won't hurt me and I've been getting lots of exercise on my backpacking trips...OK lets face it I WAS LYING to myself....I got on the scale this morning and I weigh 178.8 pounds...Guys, THIS IS NOT GOOD.....
Now I've been doing this long enuff to know what I need to be doing...I need my fresh veggies and FRESH fruit (which I love but for some reason haven't been eating lately) ..I need to get back to eating on a regular schedule..NO MORE OF THIS SNACKING ALL DAY LONG on junk that is all CARBS....no more peanut butter/honey wraps...Time to start tracking EXACTLY what I am putting in my mouth...I'm not going to worry about recording calories because that always gives me a headache...but I'll keep it in the back of my mind..after all I've done this long enuff that I have a good idea how many calories I'm actually putting in my body....so This is me starting all over again....I WILL lose this extra weight that I've put on and get back to feeling good about myself...I'm still working on my ESSAYs that I need for my Personal Trainer Certification...that's going to be my motivation for getting back on track to getting and keeping fit...after all how can I be a PT if I'm so out of shape that I can't do the workouts?...besides that I know that when I eat healthy I feel so much better...not draggy...I should do a ESSAY on how eating effects your mental status....LOL

AND drinking water....why is it so hard for me to get my daily water in lately?...I'm lucky if I drink 48 oz in a day lately..it's not like I don't like water because I do....and I know that's why I've been having leg/feet cramps...it's such an easy solution..drink my water and take my Triflex supplements daily...A NO BRAINER....so why haven't I been doing it?...I can tell you that Depression is NOT GOOD...it can defeat everything that I have worked for this past 3 years and DAMMIT...I'm not having any more of it.....

So anyway...I got up early this morning, made my bed, washed my face and put on my makeup (dammit I need to look good for myself..so what if no one see's me)...actually got dressed (no more of this hanging around the house half the day before getting dressed), cleaned up my bedroom, picked up the living room (I've become such a slob lately) gave Rover & Spot their bath, fixed my protein drink, took my supplements (this all only took about a half hour of my morning) & came here checked the job situtation (nothing in todays bunch that I am qualified for but I'll keep looking).

On a positive NOTE....I DID GO to the DOL yesterday afternoon and applied for unemployment...it takes 5 weeks before you get any monies but at least it is a positive step for me...in the meanwhile I will keep looking for a JOB....

I will have a GOOD DAY..

I want the old me back!!!!

2006-12-06T09:36:00.000-02:00

Where has the confidant vibrant Sexy Sue gone? Instead I see in the mirror this old lady that just looks depressed....sure every once in a while I see a hint of the old Sue...mostly weekends when I'm backpacking/hiking...but once I'm back home it's like that Sue goes away and instead I have this new personna that I can't even get up enuff gumption to name...
This person that is in my body now has no confidence, doesn't care how she looks, is satisfied to sit in front of the TV and eat all day (if I let her)...It's been a real struggle to keep her from controlling my life totally...but with each set back..she is getting stronger...
I get up in the morning with all these plans in my mind but then for one reason or the other nothing happens..I just can't get motivated to do anything constructive...
I'm still out of a job (it's been a full month now)...part of the reason (I just came to this realization at 4:30 am today) is that I'm afraid to start a new job...what if they don't like me? what if I don't "Fit in"? What if I'm too stupid to learn new things? What if I get knocked down again? I'm too old to do this!!! Hell, I haven't even applied for unemployment like #1 Niece keeps telling me to do...Why???? For no good reason...I just keep thinking something will fall in my lap...and I'll find the perfect job for me..but this morning I've come to the conclusion that my luck has ran out.....my guardian angel has taken leave of me.....and the only way I'm ever going to get a job is to start all over again...back to square one AGAIN....so it may not be the job I really want (which is WHAT?) and the pay may not be what I want or need but at least it would be something...
Nothing has came of the on line jobs..and the one staffing company I signed up with last month hasn't came through with anything....all my other ideas seem to fizzle out too...
I'm half way to getting my Personal Trainer Certification thro the internet...still have to do the hard part...the essays.. I have these big DREAMS but don't know how to incorporate them into being REAL...but I guess there is enuff of the SexySue in me to keep trying...
I just keep wishing I could turn the clock back to September and slap myself when I thought about making that big change .....I loved my old job...just hated the pay...now what do I have?

It's just too hard!

2006-12-04T13:26:00.000-02:00

I keep getting knocked down in life and it's getting harder to get back up...I'm not sure I can do this anymore!!!!
Friday #2 Niece and I stopped at our local dog pound just to look....and I saw this Husky dog there that I fell in love with...She had been picked up 3 days before and wouldn't be up for adoption until today...so I left my application with them and said I would be back Monday..I did spend about an hour with her and took her picture and downloaded it on my cell phone..

I went on my backpacking/camping trip Sat & Sunday up in SC...This was the first one I've been on that allowed dogs..and the guy I rode up to the trailhead had this great bird hunting dog Hatch that I bonded which helped me with my decision that I really do need a dog for a companion. I DO like dogs but I've put off getting one because I don't think it's fair to the dog if you can't/don't spend time with them and my life has been so busy with the gym/backpacking etc....but when I saw this dog at the pound I could imagine her and I together...she was calm, shy and didn't bark...and she was freakin' beautiful...(I showed her picture to everyone on the hike and they agreed)

Well, long story short....when I went this morning the first thing I asked is if she was still available and was told yes...so while I waited for the paperwork to be done I went out to see her....When I came back in I was told that the girl that told me she was still available was wrong that A Rescue group had called about her and she was to go to them...

#1 Niece just called me and gave me the lecture about not giving up...and I did call the pound and asked them to give the rescue group my name and number just in case it doesn't work out for them...but it sounded like they already have a home for her and I AM glad for her, just sad for me...I know there are a lot of dogs out there that need homes and I will probably keep looking but right now my heart hurts and I just want to feel sad for my self...

It seems like my life right now is full of "That's just not right" things...first the job, now this...
It's like I have this cloud over me and I just can't seem to get out from under it...and I don't know how to change my luck back to where things go right..Everything I try fails...I hate being negative....I'm a "positive" type person but right now... I'll be damned if I can see the positive side of this...Hell, I even cried this morning and that's something I haven't done in a long time...I guess I just have to pull my self out of this hole I seem to be in...

Thanksgiving on Cumberland Island

2006-11-28T15:45:00.000-02:00

http://picasaweb.google.com/pjsoutherngal/112206AOCCumberlandIsland
go to this site and you can see some of the pictures that Paula took this past weekend on our trip to Cumberland Island with the AOC (Atlanta Outdoor Club)...It was soooo fantastic...

We all met in St Mary's on Wed night... where 4 of us (2 guys & 2 girls) shared a room so we could meet up with rest of the group and get an early start in the morning... Joe got the room at no cost with his Holiday Inn points so it didn't cost us anything... He and I didn't get to the room until after 11:30 and we were up at 5:30...Joe was our trip leader this time.. he had to call 6 months in advance to set this trip up...A really nice guy, who I rode to and from the trip with..(no there is no romantic interest there but I do feel that I have made another good friend).

The trip started out on Thurs morning catching the ferry to the island. Another first for me but I loved it...I even rode on the upper level with the wind and all...After we got to the island we had to listen to the Ranger about all the things we could do and not do...She was a hoot..first thing I noticed about her was this band aid on her chin that was flappin' around...talk about distracting...then she explained that she had gotten bit by a Brown Recluse while sleeping and had to go to a platic surgeon to get it taken care... She finally took the flippin' band aid off and all you could see was this gigantic hole in her chin...Gross!!!!

We then hiked in 4 miles and set up camp..The picture with me in by the tents is where I set up my tent..it's the 2 man tent behind me...it was the coolest place under these great Oak trees with moss hanging from them..the best thing about this camp site was there was a real bathroom just a short walk down the ways ..it had a real toliet and even a shower...with running water but NO HOT water so I didn't take a shower but believe me it was nice having a place to go change your clothes and to use the toliet instead of having to go in the woods...this was a luxury trip believe me. The only disavantage was the campsite we were in didn't allow fires.(the island is in a drought)..so no camp fire at night..but we had a lantern and one of the guys had this cute lil light that burned candles that we used in the middle of the group so we could pretend that we had a campfire after dark...

After gettting everything all set up we all took a hike and ended up on the beach..That's me picking up the Horseshoe Crab...it was still alive (barely) and everyone was chicken to touch it...but not me....That night we all sat around and fixed out freeze dried meals..Just because it was Thanksgiving I had Mashed Potatoes W Gravy & Turkey...It wasn't too good but by then I was hungry enuff to eat anything...and the Captain Morgan Spiced rum I had with my hot Cider helped...

The Ruines is the Dungress Ruines on the south side of the island... which we hiked through the woods to our second day in..way tooo cool...We ate lunch there, did some site seeing...there was a museum and the Progella? was interesting... and relaxed then walked back to camp site on the beach...Another beautiful day...ended by me going to the beach to look at the stars with Sara (who is from England and a total NUT case) and this Army kid and a guy that works for the Forest Service that she and I picked up at the ferry....After a few too many hits of Tequilla, we ended up running on the beach ..it was too cold to go in the water. Talk about being crazy...in the last picture of me you will see me wearing this bright pink scarf..Sara knitted that and gave it to me...She and I had done a trip together in September...in fact she's the one that talked me into going on this one...She camped in a one man tent next to me this time and woke me up 2 nights in the middle of the night because she thought she heard something...I'm not sure what she thought I could do about it...the first night I told her to just ignore it because I figured it was an armidillo and the second night (after I woke up) I figured out that she had left her backpack out side of her tent because there wasn't enuff room in her tent and the animals were trying to get in it...so I got out, chased off some kind of varmit...not sure what it was...all I saw was these lil beady eyes in the reflection of my headlamp...got her pack and put it in mine...after that we all slept good...

As you can see we saw a lot of the feral horses..that and lots & lots of armadillos...I think my favorite group of horses was the family of black horses with the mare laying down..we came upon them around a corner in the wilds unexpected on our third day in.. The first night in 2 of the guys ran into a couple of horses in the dark by the bathrooms..said all they could see was there eyes...they ran by my tent (the horses not the guys) while I was in it and it sounded like a herd of horses....LOL....

I also saw the sunrise on the beach Friday and Saturday morning which was totally AWESOME!!!!

The mansion we are in front of was massive (it's called Plums Orchard)..we hiked 8 miles our third day just to see it ..it was on the north side of the island.the neatest thing was coming out of the woods to see this front of this mansion ..the drive way was lined with these humoungus Cypress tress.. the only Cypress trees I saw on the whole island...the right wing is an enclosed pool that you have to see to believe... there is no one living there..the NPS is redoing the whole thing..

We ended our last night by eating dinner on the dock and watching the sunset over the marshes. By then there was just 5 of us from the group left. Sara went with her friend Rob and a couple left to go home that morning...That's the picture of me with my coat and hood up..it was breezy but still worth it..The sun going down over the marshes was a sight that will stay with me for a long time..it was so quiet and peaceful....it was a 3 mile trip in the dark back to camp...interesting...but fun...and I lead the way...whooa...

There was 8 of us on this trip but we ran into other AOC members that we knew were camped in other spots so that was neat too.

Foz (one of the guys in our group who just happens to be the president of the AOC) figured we walked 40 miles in 3 days...no wonder I'm tired...but it was well worth it..

We ended our trip by getting up early Sunday morning..packing it all up and hiking back to the main dock...then the ferry ride back..after meeting up with some of our freinds we all went to a Chinese All you can Eat Buffet and did we ever put a dent in the buffet...it was like we hadn't eaten in a week....Fresh food not freeze Dried never tasted so good....I was really craving some fruit and veggies...
Then we all said our goodbyes and headed back to Atlanta..by the time I got home and thro my door it was around 9:30 that night....Whew....

I can't believe I ate the whole thing!!!!!!

2006-11-17T07:03:00.000-02:00

CONFESSION TIME
OK..... I've got to get a job just to get me out of this house....Yesterday I was looking in my fridge for something to eat...something I do alot....and I spotted a can of crescent rolls...not sure how they got there and I don't remember how long they've been there..they were stuck way in the back of the middle shelf...so I decided to see if they were any good...I opened the can and they didn't explode out at me or smell bad and weren't slimey....soooo since they were open of course I had to bake them. Hey at least they were LOW FAT Crescent rolls..and what better way to bake them than to roll them in cinnamon sugar and make cinnamon twists.....after all the weather was wintery...cold and cloudy... I was thinking about even building a fire in the fireplace....just the kind of day to sit in front of the boob tube watching Rachel Ray and eat cinnamon twists ...wellllllll.....while they baked I told myself I would only eat one or two and then put the rest in baggies and make them last for the rest of the week...There were 10 rolls in the can....so this should last me at least 5 days and then I wouldn't have to feel so guilty about breaking down and making them....man did they smell good baking...You know how when something taste sooo good to you that you keep going back for one more bite until the whole thing is gone?
Yep, that's what I did!!!!...Even when my gut felt like it was going to bust..I still kept on eating the damn things until they were all gone....Oh yeah, I gave myself the excuse that I had done good on eating all day....I had my protein drink for breakfast and a spinach/strawberry/blueberry salad for lunch....I don't even want to know how many calories I consumed eating 10 crescent twists....

I did go to the gym and worked out for a hour before my Hip Hop class. So I figure I burned off some of the calories....but I've been laying in bed all night just thinking about how I let myself get carried away...no control!!! Good thing I know that I don't do this kind of thing often so I'm not beating myself up..but I'm also not looking at the back of my fridge anymore....LOL...

So why is it I just can't get motivated?

2006-11-14T17:14:00.000-02:00

I have a long list of things that I could be doing but instead I've been here on the computer all morning..just looked at the clock and realized it afternoon...where does the time go?
Altho I have to admit I've been checking job listing and taking a test for the temp company I've signed up so it's not like I've been goofing off..it just feels like it...
I still need to clean my garage so I can bring all the junk I have in the storage unit here and store it...I gave them my months notice last Friday and I've got to get everything of there by the end of the month....and someone told me last night that Thanksgiving is NEXT WEEK....whooooaaaa...where does the time go...
Not sure what I'm going to do for Thanksgiving...last year I went to the movies by myself...just wasn't up to spending a whole day eating and watching football...I was hoping to take another backpacking trip but it's been cancelled...The Kid did invite me to her house..but her in-laws are coming and that's not really my idea of a fun day....
anyway back to my garage..right now it's a mess because of all my camping gear is laid out in there drying out...I need to figure someway to hang all my differant backpacks on the wall...I guess I'll have to take the giant picture of the owl in the tree down...I tried to give it to The Kid once and she didn't want it so I stuck it on the wall in the garage...hmmmm I wonder if #1 Niece would like it for her garage?....
I'm thinking about going out and mowing my lawn but then I really don't want to get all sweaty and yecky because then I'll have to take another shower and my hair is looking really good right now. Hate to take a chance on it not looking good tonight when I go to the AOC Social Hour...I would like JUST once to look good when I see all the people I go hiking with...Usually when I go hiking I don't wear any make up and by the first hour of hiking my hair has gone all curly and frizzy...and you have to admit they don't make hiking clothes that are real sexy...at least I haven't found any...so I though I would doll up tonight and give everyone a shock...and besides that I haven't had any excuse to dress up since last Weds. night when I went out with the girls for Lynn's b'day...now that was fun...We went in a limousine (which smell like cigarettes...yech) to a night club and I danced all night...any hooooo....that's my excuse for not getting off my butt and mowing the lawn...who mows lawns in November anyway...just because it's nice out side and the lawn needs it doesn't mean I have to do it...right?
So I'm thinking that I'll go fix me some soup and watch Rachel Ray...I can't believe I'm watching tv during the day...but I've always liked her and now she has her own hr long variety show on during the day and it's not even on the food network channel...how cool is that?

Job wise...I'm just waiting for some miracle to happen and someone to call me and tell me that they want to support me in the lifestyle I've gotten used to ....OH YEAH that's gonna happen.....LOL.....
I just wish I could make a living out of backpacking and camping....

Hanging in There

2006-11-13T02:21:00.000-02:00

I went thru a few days of total depression and loss of self confidence but am bouncing back to be my old self.....can't let a little thing like losing a job get me down...

I went to SC to see my friends Conry & Paula last weekend and then went out on a date with another guy from MySpace....it wasn't good.. he was nice but way too short (he said he was 5'8" but he was at least two inches shorter than me ...and I was wear flats) and old acting...mostly interested in drinking beer and bragging about his travels overseas....oh well...

This weekend I went on a GREAT backpacking/camping trip..it was a real challenge...this is my third backpacking trip..the first was an easy one, the second moderate...this was was strenuous...it kicked my ass but I did it...we even did 6 (SIX) water crossings...and I'm not talking about easy ones...the water was knee deep and fast...but it was beautiful..We were at Lake Fontana up by Gatlinburg TN...there was 10 of us...6 guys and 4 girls..ages ranging from 62 to 24 ...that's right I wasn't the oldest...Don is 62 (and married) but he's been hiking for many years and could out hike all of us..the 24 yr old was a girl who is the Govenors Photographer...she was a doll and all of the single guys were fawning over her..it was fun to watch....good group ..I had backpacked/hiked with 4 of the group in the past ...lots of fun...it really helped bring my confidance back..I figure if I can conquer my fear of water (ie:water crossings) and then I can do anything....

On the job scene..I really haven't done much but I do have an interview set up for tomorrowa afternoon...can't say I'm excited about it....Wish I could take this time and figure out what I really want to do when I grow up...but not having much education and monies doesn't give me much choice in what I do..

Pity Party

2006-11-03T01:56:00.000-02:00

Ok so it's a small party Me, Myself and I are the only ones here and I can't say we are having any fun...I don't know how people can stand sitting around and feeling sorry for themself for any period of time...I hate it... and I'm not going to do it any longer...So I got knocked down...Well, I refuse to stay down...Somewhere out there is the perfect job just waiting for me...this one certainly wasn't meant to be for me...I believe in the old saying....Things happen for a reason...
I'm so lucky in so many ways..I have good freinds, a family that cares for me, my health and I don't have a lot of bills....no car payment...keep your fingers crossed my truck keeps running...a low house payment (and ya'll know how much I love my house) food to last me for awhile....a nice warm coat for the winter.....and if it all goes to hell and I do happen to lose everything I still have my tent and sleeping bag LOL....

I've weathered hard times before and I always land on my feet...

Today would have been Jason's (my son who died when he was 7 yrs old) 35th birthday....I have felt over the years that he was watching out for me...I still do so I know deep inside me that nothing bad will really truly happen to me.

Last night I went to the gym and played racquetball and then worked out with the weights until the gym closed...I felt so much better ...and tonight I went a did Hip Hop...I just have to get this body to moving and get away from the food in the house....
I have this ache in my middle that I keep trying to make better by eating and I know that is not the answer.....luckily I don't have a bunch of junk food here but you can still overeat on healthy foods......right now I'm eating pumpkin seeds that Jack (#1 Niece's husband) gave me from the 3 pumpkins they carved this year.. I roasted them up today and have been nibbling on them since I got home from the gym ...I guess that is better than the popcorn I was thinking about fixing....

My mind is still in a funk and I can't seem to focus on what to do next...#1 Niece told me tonight that it was ok to take a couple of days for myself to figure it out...but my mind keeps telling me I should be doing something...

I'm going to SC to see my friend Conry Saturday and Sunday...he's the one that reminds me so much of Larry..and he always makes me feel better....so when I come back (I can't stay too long because I have to be here to feed Rover & Spot, my fish) I will get serious about looking and seeing what is out there for me....

Which reminds me I have to go give Rover & Spot their bath...there bowl is looking a little murky and just because I'm in a funk shouldn't mean that they have to suffer for it....What kind of pet owner would that make me???

Shocked & Bewildered

2006-11-01T00:36:00.000-02:00

Tues pm
Two Days...that's how long my new wonderful job lasted...

Yep...I was told this afternoon that I didn't "fit" and I was being let go...I'm still reeling, trying to figure out what went wrong....it's 9:30 pm... I'm going to bed.

Weds am
I laid in bed going over the last two days in my mind trying to figure out where I went wrong....and where do I go from here....

On the first day at this job I truthfully knew that I wasn't going to happy...but I thought I could stick it out.... after all it was more monies..I just never thought that the company won't give me time to adjust...

What went Wrong?
First, I'm used to working by myself in an office by myself...I went from that to a room with 5 other people sitting in an area half the size I was used to...plus all the traffic that came in and out was very distracting...sales people, drivers, warehouse workers....I admit the first day I was really distracted by it but by yesterday I was getting used to it ...it's not like I haven't ever worked in that environment before....

Second, I had to clock in and out every time I left the office...I know this isn't a big thing but it's not something I've done in a long time and I felt like my every move was being monitored (which I suppose it was)...Not sure why this bothered me but it did...must be the rebel in me...I guess If they had told me up front that this is how it was I could have prepared myself mentally and got over it....by yesterday it wasn't that big of a thing but Monday when they told me I have to admit I was myself and probably said something smart about it...Not smart on my part...

Third, I had to dress down...no heels, no open toes shoes...dress pants and a dress shirt...this to work in a warehouse...This too bothered me because for so many years I didn't have a choice about how I dressed because of my size and I'm proud of how I look now...and love to show off in clothes...it makes me feel good...altho hardly anyone ever saw me at my last job ...I always loved dressing for myself and feeling good about ME... Monday I wore a pair of boring brown pants with a top and a brown jacket...I looked okay, then yesterday I broke down and wore my brown split skirt and black knee high boots with a silk top and a lil brown sweater....nothing sexy and I thought it was rather conservative but I don't think the woman (from Knoxville TN) that was training me approved..altho she was wearing 1" heels with her boring slacks & sweater.... Oh well...no sense in beating myself up over it...it's done and over with...

So where do I go from here...I feel like I did after Larry died....LOST!!! but at least back then I had enough monies to last on my own for awhile...and I really lucked out in getting the job with Black Box...I always thank Larry for that....it ended up that my boss knew Larry while he worked for GSA...

I have enuff monies to last me a couple of months if I watch myself...I need to look at what I am spending each month and see where I can cut back...

PLAN
1. I need to sell the VAN...I've been putting it off for three years and now it's not worth as much as it was then...it's not running...I think it's the battery...so I will clean it up today and put my battery from the truck in it to see if that is the problem...if so then I will go and buy another one for it.... Then I need to get #1 Niece's digital camera and take a picture of it so I can put it on Disabled Dealers...I'm hoping to get a few thousand for it which will help....but don't have a lot of hope on selling it right away...as soon as I do sell it then I can drop the insurance and this will save me some monies...

2. Clean out the storage unit I'm renting and either get rid of everything or store it here in the garage so that will save me $45 a month..not much but it'll pay for my gym membership each month...that I will not give up...

3. Get the word out there that I'm looking for a job....Not sure what to do about this ...my confidence is at a low...it took a hard hit but I've never been one to stay down....
I did pick up an application at the gym last night..they don't pay much but if nothing else I will work part time until I can find a job that does pay..

So am I sorry that I took this leap and quit a perfectly good job and tried to better myself?
Truthfully ...this morning YES...but I know that if I hadn't tried then I would have always wondered what I was missing out and I gues I've always been a risk taker..There were many reasons why I decided to quit and go to another company...more monies...I just wasn't making enuff at where I was and there wasn't a hope of me getting more...at least enuff to make a differance (the new job was 5k more a year than I was making)...and job security...in the last few months my old company has been laying people off right and left....Management wanted to do away with my position all together but my area manager talked them out of it (again..this has been an on going thing for the past year)...I knew that eventually the position would be moved to TN or done with all together. Which is what they have done now...so I don't have that position to go back to...I will call Jon (my area manager) today but I have to tell you that it leaves a bad taste for me to have to admit to him that I have failed...I had such big plans....

This set back will not break me.. I will not go back to what I was before...I will not make food my comfort and I will keep exercising at the gym..I have to admit it's hard..

Bored! Bored!! Bored!!!!

2006-10-27T21:44:00.000-02:00

For gawds sake what do people do when they stay at home??????

Yesterday was my last day at my job..I'll start the new one on Monday...and last night at the gym I decided that I was just plain wore out...I had no energy for Hip Hop or working out so thought it might be a good idea to just take the day off today...maybe just take a run in the morning at the park and then take it easy the rest of the day....

Well I woke up early this morning to the sound of rain so covered my head with the blanket and went back to sleep until 8 am...this is late for me...looked out the window and saw that it was still raining and didn't look like it was going to clear up anytime soon.so much for the run..not going to happen..so got out of bed...and cleaned up the bedroom...did some laundry...unloaded the boxes of stuff I bought home from the office...it's amazing how much junk a person can take to the office over the period of three years..plants, dishes,cups, food?, personal papers & pictures...I had to figure out where to put the fake plants (one big tree) that I had in my NO Windows office..I know I probably should have left them at the office but since I know they are just going to load everything up and store it at Corp in TN..I didn't want to do that...I even have a black kitty cat clock that was at my office..who knows what I was thinking when I bought that thing...It certainly doesn't fit in anywhere here at home but since it is Halloween I put it on the bookshelf in the livingroom until I can figure out if I can take it to my new office..which will be a fraction of the size I just left...besides that I will be sharing an office with 2 other guys whereas My old office was a very large office (it once held 4 cubicles) I had all to myself...anyhoooo after I figured out what to do with everything I then settled down on the couch to finish my Suzanne Brockman book...by then it was lunch time and I decided I was sick of my own company so called #1 niece to see if she and The Boy would like to go to lunch...The Boy had Spanish class later and she didn't want to go out but invited me over for Hummus & Flat bread..now how could I pass up Hummus..I freakin' luv the stuff ...so I got myself into the truck and headed over there..but halfway there I decided what I really wanted was some Mushroom Soup...well I happen to know that Campbell Select makes this really good Mushoom soup in a box...nothing to add...so I went to WalMart to pick up a couple of boxes...and of Course they didn't have any..they had the Butternut Golden Squash and the Southwestern Corn soup in the boxes but NO Mushroom...I decided that The Boy probably won't like either one of those but saw a can of Mushroom Raviolli with Vegetables that I thought he might like so picked up a couple of cans of those (which by the way ended up having meat in it...that will teach me not to read the ingredients, but The Boy liked the ravoli and gave me me his veggies so it all worked out) and then I saw these Halloween sugary desserts in ice cream cones, and figuring that I hardly ever get to spoil The Boy and Lil MiniMeme I picked up a package of 4 (they ended up being cupcakes with lots of orange colored frosting, The Boy really liked them..I didn't have any)...and just for the heck of it I picked up these really cute lil stuffed toys (a ghost and what I think was a pumpkin boy) that was holding a box of candies..I figured if I was going to spoil them I might as well go all the way...then with my bags went to #1 Nieces...she just lives down the road from me..but it seems like Forever since I've seen her or the kids..
Got there and we had a nice visit..#2 neice even showed up..she is staying with #1 nieces garage (which has a whole upstairs that fancier than my house, that's where she home schools The Boy...) and Jack (#1 nieces Husband) came for a few minutes (I think just to check out my new tattoo)...
I then took myself back home and wondered around a little trying to decided what people do when they stay home...turned on the tv to Rachel Ray's Show...watched the good looking fix it guy bending over and getting a ring out of the trap of a sink...nice ass this man has....in fact he was damn good looking...Decided it was the kind of day to have a fire in my fire place (which was a mistake because it warmed up my house way to much and now i'm sitting here in front of the computer in just my undies..I know TMI)....found a couple of magazines I hadn't had time to look at lately..so curled up with the tv on and read..then Dr. Phil came on...story about some people in New Orleans who got ripped off by a contractor...decided that if I'm going to watch Dr Phil I needed to have some popcorn..luckily I have the individual bags so it only made one bowl full..but it's been a long time since I've had popcorn...
After Dr Phil there really wasn't anything on TV so came here and checked my emails...Went to MySpace and saw that I had a new mail from a new guy SAM...he's 59 and lives close by..travels alot...decided to respond to him so left him a message...that's how bored I am...I know, I know ....I said I wasn't going to do the on line thing anymore but who knows he MIGHT be nice...
Now it's 8:00 and I still have the whole night ahead of me..I'm thinking about pulling out the ironing board (if I can remember where I put it lOL) and press some dress pants for next week. The new job is in a warehouse and I won't be able to wear my 4" heels or skirts (at least right away..I'm thinking to break this company in slowly and hoping my spring I'll be able to wear my heels again) so I drug out some dress pants I bought but haven't wore much because they need pressed...(that should take about 10 mins) and then who knows what else I will do...
Good thing I have plans for tomorrow or I would go crazy...
I'm heading to the gym in the morning (YAY...I'm having withdrawal pains) and then getting my hair colored and fixed..then going out to a Bluegrass Bar with a girlfriend from the gym...I normally go to some friends for a costume party this time of the year but decided I'm just not into it this year....
Don't have any plans for Sunday yet...but I bet I'll find some real quick because 1 day staying at home is enuff for me....
Good thing I've got plans for the next couple of weekends...Going to SC to see my friends Conry & Paula next weekend and then I've got the Backpacking/camping trip up near Gatlinburg TN the weekend after that..and you can bet your britches I will find something else on the rest of the month..
NO MORE OF THIS STAYING AT HOME...BEING BORED!!!

Ain't I lookin' GOOD!!!

2006-10-25T14:19:00.000-02:00

I really like this picture of me (I'm the one in the sunglasses just in case you didn't know)...Which is unusual..Usually I hate all pictures of me....Maybe because I'm finally sitting down..In a rocking chair yet...This is in Helen GA in front of the Winery...My friend Joelle and I tried a few samples but have decided that Georgia just doesn't make good wine..but we'll keep trying to find one...LOL..
I like how skinny my legs look here...hmmmm and you can't see my chicken wattle or my bat wings...hmmm maybe they are gone and I just didn't realize it...What I like about this picture the most is that by looking at it you can't tell that this woman once weighed over 250 pounds...I look normal...and we all know I'm not...ROTFLMAO!!!

Hey, Surprize, Surprize I love the outdoors!!!

2006-10-24T14:12:00.000-02:00

My new favorite place to shop is REI..Talk about a cool store...they have everything you could ever want for camping or any outdoor adventure....yep, I could spend hours and hours in that store...just looking and salivating over all the things I want from there...but damn they are expensive...

I'm looking for a pair of pants to wear when I go backpacking in a couple of weeks.(yep REI even has clothes..who'd thunk..) I know that they need to be insulated because what kind of fool goes hiking and camping in November...in the Great Smoky Mountains in TN yet???? Who knows I might even get to see snow in the mountains...

I returned the Wild Bill sleeping bag that I used on my last trip and bought a better one (the Big Agnus) this weekend. (at REI of course)...it is sooo cool...this one is +0 which means it can get down to 0 degrees (Wild Bill was +20 but was soo long that I froze my feet off at 26 degrees) and I'll be warm as long as I'm in my Big Agnus sleeping bag...oh yeah, I bought a nice thick pad that slides into it's own little compartment in the sleeping bag so it'll be like sleeping on a mattress..and the neat thing is it weighs less than a pound so it should fit in my backpack good...a lot better than the one I took on my last trip. I'll keep it and my lighter sleeping bag that I bought from Bass Pro online for my summer trips. I guess you can tell i'm really getting into this camping thing..LOL...now if I could just figure out how to take my pillow ...sleeping with your clothes under your head is all right but it does make for wrinkled ..... My problem is my backpack is too small (only a 3100)...I went for a smaller cheaper one because I wasn't sure if I was going to really get into this backpacking..again I made the mistake of buying it at BassPro (online) and don't have the receipt to take it back (I'm still debating on whether to get one I saw at REI or not)...

I'm getting good at taking things back to REI....they are so nice about it too...first I took back the pair of shoes I bought...decided I really wanted the Merrills (and I'm glad I did they are so comfortable) then I took back the sleeping bag that I used on my last trip...the reason I bought it is that I got it on sale, but after using it I decided to spend the extra monies and get something that I really liked...

I'm learning that it's best if I just spend the monies for the better stuff right off the bat...like my mess kit...I bought a cheapy one at WalMart and ended up spilling most of my hot water because the handle on the pot was too flimsey and the pots got all dented up just packing them in......so now I have a nice sturdy one and it's teflon so it will be a lot easier to clean then that cheap one that my oatmeal stuck to the bottom of even after soaking it...

REI has so many gadget and thingys to make life easier for the backpacker....I saw this really neat pair of glove/mittens that I want but they are soo expensive and I keep thinking I have a pair of fleece ones that will do the job and there are so many other things I need...

I haven't been to Ross's Dress Barn in weeks...because now I'm walking the aisles at REI....
So if your looking for me...you will know where to find me....
over there where the camp stoves are....

Look where I've been?

2006-10-19T12:35:00.000-02:00

Last night I was talking with my Mom on the phone...she's in Wyo and getting up there in years. One of my resolutions was to call her more often...I was doing pretty good until this past month but then I've pretty much been bad about doing anything (including coming here) except having fun....
anyhoooo...
I was telling her all the fun things that have been happening in my life lately and then as always she asks me if I had lost any more weight....it's been a month since I talked to her and the last time she asked me the same thing I had to tell her "no, but I'm not gaining"..well I had to give her the same story again (why does always this make me feel like i'm letting her down?)...
She then asked me what I weighed...I told her 169 and she then said (with what sounded to me like relief) "oh, I weigh 150" like if I weighed less than her it would not be good....(I'm not in a contest with anyone but myself and I refuse to compare with the rest of my family...I've always come out the loser there...being the fattest...not going to worry about it....who am I trying to convince.lOl.).I then told her that I'm not beating myself up about not losing any more weight (which is probably a lie) because I know that it will happen sooner or later....I think she realized that she made me feel defensive because she then went on about where I was in weight before.....Like I've done good enuff so if I don't do any more then it's alright....
I've been thinking about my attitude about my weight situation as it is right now..and I realize that in the back of my mind is always the thought that Hey I've lost 70 lbs , isn't that good enuff??? Well, the answer to that is NO, it isn't....Damn I want to get rid of this extra 20 pounds that I am carrying....Not just so I'll look good (which I do already) but so I will be able to say to myself that I actually followed through on something I started all the way....
As always I'm rethinking my eating routine...I don't think I can improve on my exercise...so figure my eating is where I really need to work....I'm alwasy aware of what I'm eating and always trying to improve but I guess that's not enuff because I'm STUCK....
One of my main problems right now is that I MISS FRESH SPINACH....I'm not crazy about any other types of leafy veggies so my diet has not consisted of any salads lately....
Well...that stops as of today...I'm off to walk over to Public's to get me a salad for lunch today....

I'm alive and kicking...Whoohoooo

2006-10-16T14:11:00.000-02:00

Whitewater rafting was a kick in the ass....I loved it...our guide GATOR MAN...was a trip...and I didn't fall out of the raft once... you can't see me in this picture (I'm in the back right next to the Gator Man) but believe me I was smiling the whole time.... and Yes I will do it again...but I might wait until next summer when it's warmer..

I went backpacking again this past weekend and I think I'm getting addicted because I've signed up for another trip on Nov 11 & 12th..

We went to Shiny Rock Gap NC and hiked in about 3 hrs (I got my pack down to a mere 30 pounds this time and that's with my tent and new sleeping bag) then set up camp on the ridge.. then took another hike to Shiny Rock which sets on the top of the world..you can see for miles & miles...it was beautiful...We watched the sunset from there...a memory to keep forever...oh yeah did I tell you that I went with 3 guys...yep...they were a blast..all in there 30's and they all have girlfriends but they didn't come because it's too cold...How cold was it you might ask? Well, Sat night they say it got down in the 20's...I'm not sure I believe it because my water bladder didn't freeze but I did have it in my tent with me and it was very cold...I can tell you that I didn't want to get out of my warm sleeping bag to go the bathroom at 3 am...so I laid there until just before sunrise and then got up and went...it was a beautiful red sunrise...well worth the whole trip..only one of the guys got up to watch it with me...he took pictures..and is suppose to send them to me...Yesterday we packed up and hiked out to the truck (we all rode up together in Bo's truck)..
Then went on another short hike (without packs) then came home...stopping in some little town in NC and eating pizza first....figured I worked off any extra calories hiking and it was good...I got home about 8 pm and man was I ever tired...I barely got my pack unpacked and took a shower...went to bed without even fixing my hair..talk about bed head this morning...oh well, it was all worth it....GREAT WEEKEND..I wish it didn't have to end...

It seems funny to me that I fit in with these guys from the very first moment we met..I never felt uncomfortable with any of them...we just had a blast...I'm so glad that I took that step and joined this club..It's good to find other people who have the same interest in being outdoors that I do...

I gave my notice here at work...yep the other company offered me the position...I went and took my drug screen test last Monday...I will start the new job the first of the month..I've decided since I won't get a vacation for a whole year to take some time in between jobs...just a couple of days for myself...not sure what I'm going to do with them..

I've been soooo busy.....

2006-10-03T14:19:00.000-02:00

My life is in a spin but I still have it all under control....

I've been going to places and doing things that I've just dreamed about this past month..From going downtown Atlanta to ritzy hotels & museums... to camping/backpacking in the mountains...not to forget the Medievel Times where I got to see boys in tights ride beautiful horses and fight each other with swords...how coool is that.. I did the overnight thing at the zoo where we watch a spotted lion through infra red googles at night (plus some other animals too) ...it was fun ...I've been hangin' out with the gang at a sports bar on Sunday night watching NFL football (something I haven't done in 5 years)...one Friday night I went to a bar with a couple of friends from the gym and listened to hard rock N roll (with long hair guys in tight leather pants...whooohooo)...and then the next night I went to a fancy dress birthday party for another freind who turned 50... Even with all of this fun I still find time to go to the gym pretty much everyday....

I've put the dating thing on hold for awhile...still talking with Gene by phone but no spark there so doubt if I will go out with him again...haven't had time to check my online dating service...who know someone may just be out there waiting for me (NOT!!!)...

What's next? I'm going WhiteWater Rafting for the first time in my life this Saturday...and have another backpacking/camping trip planned the next Weekend...I have a Halloween costume party to go to soon..I've already figured out my costume but can't tell you because then it won't be a surprize for #1 Niece... and I think somewhere in there I'm supposed to go to another party that my x personal trainer has every year..that one we are supposed to go as an entertainer and I have no idea who to go as...

Other news is that I have a job interview tomorrow....I wasn't really looking for a new job but have come to the conclusion that this job isn't paying me enuff monies so I can do all the extra things I want...my yearly reveiw came and went again without a raise due to a company wide freeze but I have been given more responsiblities so when one of the guys at the gym mentioned that they were looking for a dispatcher for his company I decided to try for it....It may be a big mistake but I won't know until I do it...If they will meet the salary that I want then I will accept it, that is if they want me...who knows they may take on look at me and say "NO WAY" ...
Won't know until I try...

If I do get the new job I will have to invest in getting a new computer at home that way I can keep up with all my favorite blogs (which I haven't been able to do to much lately)...
I'm staying in for lunch today because my fuel pump went out in the truck yesterday and I'm borrowing one of The Kids truck until it gets fixed. It's a really nice truck I don't want to eat in it...I hate not getting out of the office for awhile but that's life....besides it gives me time to catch up...

Whew...I get tired just reading all of this....

Dips!!!

2006-09-27T13:49:00.000-02:00

As I was doing dips last night I noticed that my arms rest closer to my body than they used to...How cool is that? I used to have this roll of fat the side of my body but it's gone now (or at least it's smaller) and my arms are actually getting firmer so they are looking better..I still have some "batwings" but at least they don't hang down to my waist anymore...How attractive is that?..

I noticed that I am constantly working my triceps...just every chance I get..without thinking about it.....I'll be sitting in my chair here at work which just so happens to have arms and the next thing I know I'll be lifting myself up and holding it then seeing how slow I can go back down...
Or I'll be standing with my back to the table the fax machine is on which just happens to be the right height to reach back and do a few slow dips....I think it's helping but all I know is it feels good to be able to do them...

I've lost it!

2006-09-26T18:07:00.000-02:00

I did up a nice long blog yesterday about my camping trip and all that I've been doing in the past two weeks and then my computer went black...and I lost it (in more ways than one)...and I don't have the heart to re do it...Take my word for it when I say I've had a GREAT time in the past two weeks....

My sister Connie in Wyoming sent me this cool email that I love so thought I would share it with you....It's soooo true...

***************************************************************************************

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

Marley & Me

2006-09-14T16:09:00.000-02:00

I've just added John Grogan's blog to my links. I read his book "Marley & Me" last week, which is about his dog Marley and all the crazy things he did (I totally recommend it to anyone who has ever had a dog or even if you just like dogs) I loved this book!!!...it took a one whole Sunday afternoon...I laughed, I cried, it brought back such memories of every dog I have ever called my own...made me think of The Kid's dog "Jake" who after having him since he was a puppy she had to have him put to sleep this year...
So after I finished I gave it to The Kid to read...she just finished it today (on her lunch hour) and called me (and yes she bawled her eyes out but is a fan now too)...she googled Marley & Me and found out that there is a whole web site and on this web site there are pictures...which are way tooo cute and John's blog...
Reading his last blog brought to mind some of Kyra's experiences with her chickens and Skwigg's experiences with Riley...After reading this book you'll want to just go out a get a puppy... I even gave it a thought before I came to my senses....but eventually when I settle down I know that I will get an ole yeller dawg...something I've always wanted...

Moanin' Mona here today!!!

2006-09-13T13:09:00.000-02:00

It's raining & cold (at least here in my office it's cold...not quite sure bout outside since I don't have any windows) here in Georgia today and I'm definately feeling my age..I've decided to stay in for lunch ...good thing I brought my Spinach salad...although days like this makes me crave some good ole homemade potato soup . and how about a big cup of hot chocolate with some whipping creme...and some homemade chocolate chip cookies warm out of the oven. (but noooooo we can't have any of those things....because we gave up milk, just because we found that it causes congestion of the lungs for me...I never get what I want to eat...it's always something healthy...like veggie soup, sugar free choc milk without the marshmellows or whip creme...and cookies...what are those????

The rain and cold make my bones ache, especially my right hip...I'm walking with a hitch...it reminds me of this one step we do in Hip Hop...where you take a step and dip...yep that's me today...
My fingers are aching and I noticed my rings are tighter today..finger joints are swelling on me...
And I have a head ache...pressure behind my eyes....

This reminds me that winter will be here before I know it and that means I'll get to be achey all over all of the time...OH goodie!!!

The rain is suppose to be here for a couple of days....I sure hope it clears up before this weekend when we are going camping in Cashiers NC...
I can just see it now....sleeping on the hard ground in that flimsy tight sleeping bag...eating cold food because it'll be too wet for a campfire...ohhhh why meeeee!!!

(I'm struggling here today...Sue)

From one extreme to the next

2006-09-11T18:11:00.000-02:00

Last night as I sat at the Sports Bar watching football and drinking beer...I thought to MYSELF...here I am in a total differant atmosphere than I was 2 nights ago...2 nights ago I was hanging out with the "beautiful" people, drinking wine, listening to jazz and enjoying the Atlanta night life...now here I am hanging out with a bunch of crazy guys, getting rambutious, listening to runchy jokes in a bar that you can hardly hear yourself in...and I'm totally enjoying myself... I love the fact that my life is so unprediticable...and so full of doing differant things... A few months ago I was bemoaning to MYSELF that I didn't do anything but go to the gym & work...Not any more....

The only thing I could wish for now is if I would win the lottery so I could afford to do ALL the things that I would love to do...but I'm finding out that there is STILL alot that I can do that doesn't cost a lot of monies...all you have to do is surround yourself with people that like to do things...

Some of the things that we are talking about doing is:
rollerskating/blading...(too many years I worried about being to fat to do this..I used to love rollerskating when I was young)
bowling
White Water Rafting (ok so this one might be a little over the top for me, since I don't swim but if the group really wants to do it...I'll be there)
going to 6 Flags to ride the rollercoasters
Go to a play (not sure which one yet)

Things I would like to do if I had monies
Go on a cruise
Skydive (yeah, I know I'm afraid of heights but I really need to get over that fear too)
Learn to rock climb (I might do this one anyway next year after I get over my fear of heights)
Go to the symphony/opera (all dressed to the max)
Go to a football game in a differant city than Atlanta

Losing Larry and living through the terror of 9/11 has made me want to live life to the fullest...
Life can be cut short so easy and so fast...who knows how long any of us have...but as long as I'm able I want to be able to say "I Did it the best that I could"...

A little touch of Culture

2006-09-08T17:57:00.000-02:00

Last night my freind Joelle and I went an art show downtown Atlanta at the Sundial Resturant and Bar which is located at the top of the Westin P'tree Plaza... this place is freakin' amazin'...we rode up the glass elevator 73 floors to the top...surprizingly the height didn't bother me at all...I have to tell you I wasn't impressed with the art show but looking out at the Atlanta skyline at night with all the lights NOW that was very impressing... this bar rotates all around so you get to see all of Atlanta...We sat and had a glass of wine, people watched and listen to the jazz trio...I thought I would feel out of place in such a fancy place but surprizingly I didn't...I just enjoyed myself...maybe I'm not such a country bumpkin as I thought...

Dancing on the Treadmill?????

2006-09-08T10:28:00.001-02:00

If you haven't already, You really need to check out pastaqueen of Half of Me..... she is always inspiring but Weds she outdid herself....
I love the idea of dancing on the treadmill but I'm afraid that there would be serious body injury if I tried it...I have trouble just hopping to the side of the thing when I need a drink of water much less hoping from one treadmill to the other...althou I really like when the guys SLIDE across the treadmill....
This is way to cool...bout time someone thought of something differant...
Oh yeah, I like the music too....

Hodgepodge Thoughts

2006-09-07T13:47:00.000-02:00

My Grandson "Bubba" will turn 8 years old tomorrow (his birthday is one of the few I can remember...he was born 9/8/98 how cool is that)....I remember the day he was born and the first thing I saw was that shock of red hair sticking up..he was sooo tiny...he's gone through a lot of things since he was born but I like to think he takes after me and is a very stong person...I have to go out and buy him a b'day present yet...but it's hard since he has sooo many things already and when asked what he wanted ..he told me whatever I got him would be fine with him...he's such a sweetheart!!!

Liz of Granny Vibe is taking a break from blogging and I miss her... She was diagonosed with cancer and I think she & the Painter are focusing everything on her getting better... Now when you click on her site you get this wierd list of Black Vibrators...how wierd is that... Any way I wish Liz all the luck in the world and hope she knows how much she is missed her in blogland...

I got my new sleeping bag... but I'm kind of worried that I won't be able to get any sleep in it...it is a mummy bag and altho it does have a zipper at the feet to make it wider and to give you air when it is warmer..it's still a really tight fit...I went with the mummy type because that was the one that weighed the least...a little under 3 pounds...it fits nicely into this little sack and I figure I'll be able to carry it for a long distance if needed. I just wish I wasn't so claustaphobic (which I seemed to forget when I ordered the thing) ... When I got home Saturday am (at 3 in the morning after a night out with some freinds) the box was waiting for me at the front door...so I unpacked it and rolled the bag out onto the living room floor and crawled into it (thinking to test it out) ...when I realized that I can't get in my favorite position to sleep...which is curled up on my right side with my top leg bent at the knee and out as far as it will go...I kept turning around in it trying to get comfortable but only succeeded in getting all twisted up in it instead...so I got out, straightened the bag up and crawled in again...tried to sleep on my back..but my snoring woke me up...damn whats with that, so decided to try sleeping on my left side...just as I was starting to fall asleep, I automatically turned to my right side but my feet got all tangled up in the bottom of the bag and I couldn't turn...and who knew that my living room floor was so hard even with the carpet...I finally got out of the bag and went to my bed (where I should have gone in the first place..talk about heaven...) so it will be interesting when I go camping on the 16th...good thing it is only one night...I'm thinking I need to get a pad but not sure there is room for it and me in the bag also that kind of defeats the purpose of going with a bag that weighs less than 3 pounds if I have to carry a pad that adds weight to my pack...I guess you could say this is a "learning experience" for me...LOL..

Pride Or Conceit?

2006-08-31T10:54:00.000-02:00

This morning as I was getting ready for work I looked in the mirror and said to MYSELF...
"Damn, girl you look hot today"...then this lil voice (Evil Eva) said to me "Don't be conceited"...
It took some of the wind out of my sail...then I thought why listen to that voice..I like feeling like I look good...it seems all my life just when I am starting to feel good about how I look someone has told me not to be conceited...I remember as a kid my Mom telling me that anytime I would say I was "cute too". In truth she probably only said it once or twice to me but for some reason it seems like more and it made me very insecure about the way I look...making me wonder if what I see in the mirror is really what everyone else sees...as an adult I've had to contend with Evil Eva (my own insecurities) telling me that no one likes a conceited person... But I ask you this IS it really conceit or it is Pride in how I look ....and is it really sooo bad?

So any way when I got to work this morning I looked up the words Conceit & Pride in the Webster Dictionary and it said:
Conceit - 1. an overdeveloped opinion of ones abilities, personality or worth.
Pride - 1. A sense of one's own proper value or dignity..
sooo where does that leave me?

And talk about coincidence....When I checked my emails this morning there was a newsletter from eDiets and lo & behold there was an article on this very subject...(funny how things work like that)
"10 Things to Help develop a Sense of Pride"..it talked about the differences between Pride & Conceit...not a bad article..

Of the 10 things listed Six of the them I pretty much do or at least try to do each day.. I've changed the order of them to what is most important to me...

1. "Beware of your Inner Voice...If all you hear is negativity, then all you'll get is negativity."
I'm a firm believer in the more you tell yourself you can do something, the more you'll be able to do it...so maybe if I keep telling myself that I look good (and not listen to Evil Eva), I will start to believe it truly...Fake it til you make it is my motto.

2. Do Something everyday for yourself because you are worth it...besides the obvious of going to the gym...I like to do any of the following...take a walk, read a book, paint my nails, call a friend, buy a candle or flowers for myself.

3. "Gather evidence of Successes. Instead of looking at things you haven't been able to accomplish on your to do list- look at the ones you have been able to do- Keep mementos of accomplishments where you can see them."
Ok Done that...my awards & trophies on my 5K's & 10K's that I have placed in is on the wall and on the top of the stand in my entryway at home...I also have my postcard picture of me at the finish line on the P'tree Road Race on my wall here at work...this encourages me to know that I can do what I used to think was impossible...And yes I am very PROUD of them and MYSELF for what I have accomplished this past year...

4. " Surround yourself with enthusiam. Make it a point to be around people who pump up your self esteem and try to stay away form those who bring you down"...
This one is easy for me...When I go to the gym I am surrounded by people who encourage me daily...and my family..#1 Niece, #2 Niece & The Kid are very encouraging... Even Bubba told me last night that I look Skinnier....is he not the greatest Grandson alive....

5. "Keep your compliments. Don't break off or negate compliments sent your way. Say thank you and accept the praise." This one is hard for me but I'm learning. Usually when some one compliments me that lil voice (Evil Eva) will tell me not to get a big head or be conceited sounding so I will say something like "I still have a lot of weight to lose" when someone says that I'm looking good...or "I've had this thing forever" when someone compliments me on what I'm wearing...But I read an article not to long ago that says when you do this you are telling the person that complimented you what they say doesn't count and that discourages them on complimenting... and since I am a great one for complimenting people on things that I really like and I mean it when I compliment someone what makes me think that someone complimenting me doesn't have the same feelings.... so now I make an effort to smile and thank that person...and if they are complimenting me on something I wear..I will usually say .."Oh yeah, this is one of my favorite things too"...it's not that hard to do IF I don't listen to "Evil Eva" (back to #1 on the list)

And last but not least
6. "Respect your Mistakes. Instead of dwelling on your past faults- learn from them and use them to your advantage by trying a different approach the next time."
Still working on this one...

What this all really has to do with whether I'm conceited or just proud I'm not sure but I thought it was worth writing here...

I am SOOO Damn Clueless!!!!!

2006-08-30T17:08:00.000-02:00

I just finally went online and checked out the "Club" that Lionel told me about....
NO FREAKIN' WAY!!!!

I'm soooo glad that I didn't give him my number....
This club is for "Swingers" damn...I didn't know they still had them.... I guess that just goes to show that I've been out of circulation way to long....
What a Weirdo....or maybe I Am.....

Now I'm wondering if I'm putting out signs that I'm that type of woman...ok maybe I was once upon a time , a long time ago...but come on guys...I'm not that type of girl anymore!!!!!!

I can't believe I was that Naive....oh slap me in the head....I've got to get a real life here!!!!
This could be funny if it happened to someone else...NOT!!!!

so much for the good feeling...now I just feel dirty...Yech.....

THIS IS THE GOD'S TRUTH...THIS REALLY HAPPENED TO ME!!!!!

2006-08-30T13:59:00.000-02:00

Monday night after work I'm walking to my truck (I always park at the far end of the parking lot) and I see this guy on a motorcycle looking at me go by on the road next to our parking lot...all of a sudden he turns the bike around and heads for me..I figure he needs directions..this seem to happen to me a lot, people asking directions...so I stop and wait for him...

He pulls up and says "You are soo Hot I had to turn around and come talk to you...Are you single and do you like younger guys?"
Well....I of course get this big smile on my face...meanwhile he's getting off the bike and he is a hunk...around 6'2" probably weighs around 200, built just like I like them ...lots of muscle...be still my heart...he then takes off his helmet and I see he is REALLY young...good looking as all get out.... but YOUNG...I can't seem to get the smile off my face...
He says "I love the way you look in that skirt...you are soooo SEXY" (I'm wearing my black flirty skirt that I love with a cranberry top and my 4" heels. First day I got to wear my heels since I twisted my ankle hiking, and yeah I did feel sexy and I was probably walking like I felt sexy...it's hard not to do when I'm wearing my heels).
He puts his hand out and says "I'm Lionel" I shake his hand...(he has a really nice handshake)
I finally find my tongue (I think I swallowed it for a minute when he got off his bike...ohhhhh)
and I said "I'm Sue and Yes, I AM single and of course I like younger guys, what woman in her right mind won't.... but just how young are you?"

He smiles back at me and says "28" (OMG...28!)

I laugh and tell him "I have children older than you"
He laughes back and say "But I'm not your child" (NO KIDDING) "

I'm having a hard time believing this is really happening and I really can't take it serious so...I asked him"Why me? Do you know how old I am?"
He says "Probably in your early 40's"
I laugh and tell him "I'm 56, that's twice your age"
He says "Even better!!!...you look really fit (FIT?) and I think you are one sexy lady"....
We talked for 15 mins or so ...he wanted to know what I was doing next.. I told him I was on my way to the gym to play racquetball.. He asked if I ever go to "clubs" and told me about one he goes to in Atlanta every Friday night and said that if I won't go with him, I should at least go check it out...(That's not going to happen!!!).
We finally said our goodbyes (and no I didn't give him my number, I can't seem to get over the age differance) he said he was going to be dreaming of me at night...I knew I would be dreaming of him, I might not even wait for night...LOL...

Even after 2 days I can't seem to get over the fact that some young STUD (a good looking one at that, one that could have any girl that he wanted) would want to be with ME....This would never have happened to me a few years ago...Talk about giving a girl's ego a really big boost...wooohooo...I'm still smiling just thinking about it...

I'm not sure what's going on with these young guys anymore.. I'm on myspace.com and have my picture posted and I get more guys in their late 20's early 30's emailing me than I do guys my own age...And they all tell me they are serious...that they find older women sooo much more interesting than girls their own age...It's kind of scary!!!! but also kind of gives me a thrill ...

Altho I'm finding there are also alot of guys out there too (online) that like large women...I've ran into some of them but don't respond because DAMMIT.... I don't consider myself one of those Large women any longer....I'm Fit, Lionel said so!!!!

What was I thinking?

2006-08-24T12:36:00.000-02:00

Let me just state this for the record ....YES, I AM A PROUD PARENT...

Yesterday The Kid was looking at my site on myspace and she noticed that on my profile under Details for Children I had put that "I don't want kids" Needless to say this set her off...she told me that now she REALLY knows how I feel about her (her feelings were hurt)...

Now first off I have to tell you that I really hate filling out these things (I kind of Zone out while filling them) and they always ask things that don't relate to me....And I'm just plain NO good at it....

I had 6 choices to chose from : the 1st one being "I don't want Kids" the 2nd "Someday" 3rd "Undecided" 4th "Love kids, but not for me" 5th "Proud Parent" and the last "No answer"....
Why they put "Proud Parent" near the bottom is a mystery to me...it should have been the first to choose from... I'm not sure why I chose the 1st one..I was probably thinking I didn't want to go out with a guy who wanted to have more kids....I'm way tooo old for that...
I figure once you have had the perfect child you don't want to tempt the gods by trying for more (buttering up to The Kid here LOL). Just my luck the next child would be just like me...OH NO!!!

I really lucked out having The Kid, she was not only the most beautiful child in the world (I have pictures to prove this, maybe someday I'll post them) but the best natured too...(altho #1 Niece will probably tell you some stories about her otherwise) and YES I've always been PROUD of her..even when she gave me trouble when she was a teenager I was still so Proud to be her MOM...

I'm not sure she was always proud of me. I used to worry alot about her being ashamed of the way I looked and acted...but now I think I understand that it isn't all about looks, its' about how you feel about a person and how that person feels about you... The Kid could have been the most deformed child in the world (thank god she isn't) and I would still be proud of her.. She is the best daughter a Mother could ever ask for... She has been and will always be there for me when I need her..and ditto for me...

I'm proud of the Mother that she has become to Bubba & Lil Bit. I'm proud of how she embraces life and doesn't let anything keep her down (at least not for long, after all she is only human)... She is dealing with some rough times right now with her ex but I know she will do what is right for Bubba and stay true to herself...

As a PROUD Mother let me tell you that daughters don't come any better than MINE!!!

Shopping!

2006-08-23T17:59:00.000-02:00

No, I'm not shopping for clothes..but I'm thinking about going camping with the Alanta Outdoor Adventures group over the Labor Day weekend...but before I can do this I have to buy a sleeping bag (I need one for the Zoo overnight thing anyway) and a tent...now I thought that this would be no problem. That maybe I could even just go to WallyWorld and pick one up..Well, think again..They do have sleeping bags and tents but whoa...they are all soooo heavy....
Nothing is easy in this day and age...
Part of the problem is I'm thinking if I really like this camping thing and I get fit enuff that maybe by next summer I can start backpacking (a dream of mine forever)...so if i'm going to spend any monies on a tent and sleeping bag then I want them to be light enuff so I can carry them next summer...

So I went on line to Bass Pro to see what they had to offer...Who knew there was soo much to know about buying a tent... or a sleeping bag... So after reading all this I thought I should check around some other sites to see what they have to offer..(trying to be an informed consumer here LOL)

I think I've narrowed it down on what I want at REI Outlet.. This tent or even this one and I really like this sleeping bag ...but I'm hesitating on ordering them because I want to see what I'm buying BEFORE I buy it...I know freinds tell me that when I buy on line that if I don't like it or it isn't what I want then I can send it back...but with me..once I have something I KEEP it, even if it's not what I want...I'm just no good at sending things back!!!!!

So my plan is to find a store that has the same items so I can see them and then go back on line and buy them...or now that I have all this knowledge on what I'm looking for I might just find a sale..this might be more fun shopping for than going to Ross's (which I haven't done in over 2 months....pat on the back for me) ...